I'd love to tell my W - I'll work on doing the things he does for you. I forgive you and will agree to work on our M. I've told my W that this marriage is dead. The only choices we have are make a new one or go our separate ways.
I think after some time has gone by, only 2&3 apply. It's not the same.. (just got this revelation the other day).. and they miss that.
It's funny to hear.. "I miss what drove me away". That's not what she said, but she may as well have.
Wow some very interesting reading on my thread. Thank you so much. Everything said has been helpful. H has told me point blank he is afraid of things going back to 'normal' (meaning bad) and afraid I'll never forgive him. He was very surprised when I told him he should have left me, then had the A with OW. He couldn't see how it would hurt less.
OW's H called me this morning. He is filing for a D in the morning!! He told OW in counseling, she broke down in tears, begging him to at least separate. OW's H will not do separation because in our case it just means more 'dating' of my H. He told her he can't do it anymore. She basically in a round about way told him she wants to stay married AND see my H. Yeah. Want some ice cream with that cake..not gonna happen.
Of course, this change may upheave my life quite a bit, I bet H will leave and pursue her if she is 'free'. However, maybe this will be a 2 X 4 for her...doubtful. He closed credit card accounts today and is getting a separate checking acct tomorrow. WOW. Just WOW. I feel for him, he is basically doing something he doesn't even want, but knows he has to do it. He is going to keep me posted. Poor guy.
Yeah I agree it could be he will think she is unattractive now that she is single sort of speak. I mean think about it she is a stay at home mom. That will mean him supporting her on his income. Right now he has a wife that is pretty and very stable and has never had an affair and is loyal. All these bad things, that he feels he is justified in thinking about you, and the break down of the marriage I am sure he will weigh out and analyze. He just wants to be angry with you to try and justify what he did . I am not saying maybe he didn't feel the way he did at the time and it did hurt him. But I do feel he is waaay over amplyfying things to justify his actions.
To be with her as a divorcee may not be to exciting to him anymore. He lives a good life right now with a wife that busts her azz off to give the family a good life. She runs around cheating all day and oh yeah showing up at school to look good on some days also.
This also I think will be a pretty huge slap in the face reality for her. Cut off from money and has so many decisions to make now. Where will she work? How will she support herself? Who will she use for daycare while she works? I don't believe you get alimony when you have had an affair. Ahhhh she will be needy and clingy and so stressed out. Not to attractive anymore maybe?
She runs around cheating all day and oh yeah showing up at school to look good on some days also.
LOL!!!
OW's H expressed concern about them actually moving in together. He is going to try and work it out where he ONLY pays maintenance if she is living alone. He doesn't hate her and doesn't want to 'screw' her, but he is going to look out for himself as well. Oh, she started watching a few kids in their home 3 days a week.
That way, he knows the money isn't going *directly* to her A. But I could totally see them not getting married to keep the money coming in. We both talked about (and I cried a bit after) how the kids might eventually be together in this mess, and that sucks. Also, that OW and my H both want more kids....Ok, stop obsessing lwb.....
ick, lwb, ick. they want to bring more kids into this mess? seriously? because no way in hell do I see it lasting, if it even progresses that far. I mean, how tolerant do you think your h will be when she has her next affair? doesn't sound like she's grown as a person/changed any, so guessing the next one won't be all that far off.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
That might be a good point to bring up to your dear hubby. He thinks you are being unfaithful what the he** does he think she will do? He doesn't even have a reason to suspect you. She is already doing the act and has before.
Fine and dandy if she wants more kid's but miss princess will have to go out and work to support her new life. Your husband couldn't support her on his income could he?
I am sorry but I think it is utter crap that ANYONE should have to pay maintenance or alimony to a spouse that has cheated!! Are you sure your laws state that you have to do this? If I were the Ow's husband right now I would be of the all's fair in love and war. I would be looking into ways to make her chosen life difficult.
