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I met the ow once and probably would not recognize her if I saw her again. She's someone who shrinks into the background - nothing WOW about her. She wrapped up her last affair about 3 months before seducing my H. Nice woman.. She will not stop until she gets her man. Isn't that LOVE??

Hello all, hi lwb.

I am sorry for your bad morning.

There's one thing my C told me out of his experience that made perfect sense to me. He says it's very unlikely someone who found true love keep an affair going. Usually they separate right away and are more honest right at the beginning. They don't care about the cost of D, red tape or assets division, they will just pursue it and move on very fast, they don't like to be cake eaters after all it is true love. He also said that people break up and get a D for smaller things than an A if they truly want to end a marriage.

Guess that's why DB works. And even if the marriage ends, the cake eaters will have a bitter flavor in their mouths always.

So basically your C said if it is "true love", the WAS will not sit on the fence like many of our spouses have done. If it is true love they get out of there quickly to move on to new love. So in other words your counselor is saying to hold on, it will fade if they don't divorce right away?

That is interesting... My C also recently reminded me that at about a year the "romantic" feelings start to fade. I guess the "drug" starts to lose some of it's mind altering effects.

Michael Mc,

I agree with you. the OM has been divorced 3 times and has had 1 marriage annulment. He did not wait for my wife to divorce me. He came in to my house, helped her take the furniture and brought my children to watch this and put the WAS and children in his home.

Obviously, he did not care about breaking up a family and he was supposed to be a Mormon (although non practising now). It does not seem that he has any religious beliefs by his actions does it.

I beleive it was for personal gain and that his belief that he was "aaving' her from a bad marriage.

Thats my 2 cents worth anyway.

Foo

Yes. That's why they sit on the fence or feel unconsciously comfortable about "experimenting". The WAS are not actually having the affair for love it's for some other reason. It's an interesting thought because I think that my H's C tells him the same as he keeps telling me we will not separate.

So, if the ones who are sitting on the fence are not truly "in love", why are they staying in the A's?? Addiction? Mentally ill?? Alzheimers?? Testing our love for them? Being blackmailed?? Hmmm.... interesting

ow in my case definately thinks it's love - she divorced her H ASAP and is now just "waiting it out" until the day she can be with her "true love" (my H).

I think it's a combination of things:

1. They are addicted.. they've been "stuck" for so long and someone else is doting on them. Good for the PMA.

2. They are ashamed.. afraid we won't take them back.
3. They are afraid that life will "resume as before" if they were to come back.

Just my .02

I am sorry but couldn't help LO about the blackmail...
Guess that's a perfect analogy. They blackmail themselves not to get to the real roots of the problems.

C also said sometime that people that get in a relationship with a committed person have underlying issues as well. None that has true love is selfish, you want the other one to be happy.

I think, don't want to judge, but I think that if the OP would has true love OP would back off of the relationship as it's not making anyone truly happy. I have a friend who was an OP without knowing. When she found it out she immediately broke it off and never saw BF again.

Jar-

I think you made 3 really good points. My problem with their logic on those three points is this......

1- Tell me you feel like you're stuck in a rut. We can change things up. I'd be glad to up my attention to you if you think it's slowed.

2- Tell me that you're afraid that I won't accept you. TALK TO ME!!

3- If you want to work on things, but don't want it to be the same as it was.........TELL ME. AGAIN....TALK TO ME. It doesn't have to be the same.

In our case, we did get into a rut. We'd moved, H was working part-time nights and staying home during the day with D3. We didn't have a lot of time together, but to me it was only temporary. D3 would only be little for a few years. TELL ME.....I'LL DO WHAT I NEED TO DO. That's all he needed/needs to do is TALK TO ME. After nearly 17 years together, he knows I'd do anything for him.

Man this is tough stuff.

SueS