Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Trying to Cope, but It's Too Hard

Well, I am new to the Divorce buster Group. My H is the one who read the book, "Sex Starved Marriage", but did not share his feelings with me about leaving or looking for new bate. I found out last week that he had been talking to another female and they have kissed a few times. Saturday he moved out and is staying with a co-worker we both work with.

We have been married for 15yrs and he promised that he would let me know if he thought about leaving or thought about cheating on me again. I forgave and went on with life thinking that he would tell me if he was having serious thoughts of leaving our marriage.

Well he didn't until recently and it was to late for me to make any changes for myself, because I was not aware that he was unhappy, didn't feel loved by me or feel passion from me. I read the book he read yesterday and today and if I only new than what I know now our marriage could be saved. My H says he has tried everything and he is done trying, and has fallen out of love with me, OUCH. I can't read between the lines and he doesn't communicate his thoughts very well, so I missed the boat. He is fustrated, angry, and hurting and doesn't want to deal with it anymore.

I have been trying not to give up hope for our marriage, but I am very hurt right now and my heart is broken into a thousand pieces. I love the man with all my heart, if I didn't I would have never of tried to reconcile the former times he has cheated on me.

We obviously have not been on the same page, and now I am feeling like he is not going to let me try to put what I have learned into action. He never shared anything in this book with me and i do not recall he trying any of the recommendations. What I want to do is give the book back to him to read again, do you think I should.

He comes by everyday to see our girl who is 11, and she is hurting also. He says he hates to see us cry, but we are really trying our best to get through it all, we just miss him and I don't know what to tell my girl.

He says he needs time because he has issues he needs to deal with, and I am trying to be understanding. I just don't understand how he can not be understanding to our needs too.

Anyhow I am up at 4am so you all probably know what I am feeling like, I'm sick, can't eat, sleep and I just need a twinkle of something to keep me going to help save my marriage.

Welcome to hell.

Here is the good news... you are only separated 2 days. Since you found this board so quickly, you are way ahead of the game.
Here is what you need to do...

1. Read divorce remedy
2. Give him a lot of space
3. Let him make all contact

Start now.

Things will get better.

Stacy,

Come here often. This board is filled with great people. Fish is right about finding this board quickly. Get the book, read the book, and don't do anything that reseambles desperation or neediness. It is a hugh turnoff!

Hi Stacy,
The first few days are so difficult. None of this is easy. But, those first days is hard to even see straight, and the pain is tremendous. This is a great group here with lots of advice. There are people here to both give you hugs and set you straight when you've screwed up. Please come here often. We'll get you through.

Please read Divorce Remedy. Meanwhile, do whatever it takes to not cry in front of your h. WHatever you need to do!! When he comes over, you are HAPPY. You are CONTENT! You need nothing from him. If you need to fall apart when he leaves, you can. FTLC said it. Desperation and neediness will only make him pull back more. Doesn't make a lot of sense. Read the book.

Welcome aboard.

I also have a homeopathic remedy for the first few days of grief if you find your not able to function well. PM me if you're interested.

ms lady,

I would love to get your recipe, but I get a caution saying your pm thing is over the limit.

I appreciate your help.

Space is hard and not talking is hard. I really feel like I want to know if he is thinking about me at all. It seems like he can just leave and not have to worry about how we are feeling, and that sucks. He won't pick my daughter up if she is crying he said he can't deal with the guilt and it makes him want to come home for all the wrong reasons. I just don't understand how it would be wrong to deal with your marriage and to work things through with a counselor, which is something we've never done.

I am just really hurting right now and I could never phantom leaving my family, I'm like a dog I've always been faithful shouldn't that show unconditional love and commitment.

One more question if he is willing to see a counselor how should we approach it and who should we go to. I don't want to go to someone who is never going to join us together to work on our communication and problems together. This feeling of what the heck is going to happen is so scary. I have been married half my life and he is everything to me, and to act like he is not really sucks.

I think it would be worth talking to him, about how "working on your marriage, for your children", is not a "wrong reason" for doing so.

Something that I heard last year, that made me step back and think;
the common phase is "stay together, for the sake of the children".

If that is all it is, then it will be lousy. Two peole who are merely roommates, and fight all the time, isnt particularly good for the children.

What is good for them, is working on the marriage, for the sake of the children.


as far as him seeing an MC with you:
Sometimes, people have "issues" with seeing a counsellor.
if he refuses to see one.. you might see one for yourself, and see if that counsellor can suggest things for you to do jointly.
Sometimes, people are willing to do that, even though they arent willing to "go talk to a counsellor" themselves.

Hi Stacy,
I got that some message when I tried to PM you, something about being over your limit...so here is my message for all to see. Hope I don't get in trouble for "prescribing medications"



This was a recommendation given to me when I was in those first days of h leaving...

The remedy is IGNATIA AMARA 1M

one dose only.......do not repeat
one dose= half capful under your tongue

It comes in a pellet form. They look like bb-gun pellets. Some are very tiny like round sprinkles. Either way, 1/2 capful = dose. Do not touch the pellets. Do not eat or drink 15 minutes before & after the dose.
It is one of the safest medicines you can take. It works on an energetic level. Medical science cannot even trace a molecule of the original substance in the pellets. However, trust me, they work and work well!

1M is a high potency. ONE DOSE will work for a long time.

You will feel the effects within hours. After I took the remedy, I actually stopped crying and felt this clarity come to me. I stopped crying at every love song. I stopped crying when I looked at him or the kids. It absolutely will not sedate you. You will not feel any negative side effects that most allopathic drugs have. If anything, you won't have insomnia at night, but that's a good thing!

Let me know if you have any other questions! Now or later.


You can order it from homeopathyovernight.com if you are willing to pay the $18 for overnight shipping

or I ordered it from Amazon.com and it took a couple days.
choose the 1M potency.

And...welcome to divorce busting. While you on Amazon, order Divorce Remedy.

I'm not going to leave this post up for long, so I hope you're here to read it.

I'm new to the divorce busting too. I really can relate to the pain you describe. My h moved out 3 months ago but wanted to work on our marriage. So we have been spending time together and I feel I have been trying to work on things that bothered him about our marriage. We even took a trip to Cuba. The whole time we were there he was loving and sweet. We held hands went for romantic walks on the beach. We did all those things I thought you would do when you are trying to make things better. But we get home from our trip 2 days ago and I get an email from him that I've been his best friend for 12 years and he will always have feelings for me but this marriage isn't working. He wants it on hold indefinately. What the heck does that mean? We have kids and I know this is hurting them. I don't know what to do for myself let alone help my kids through this. I can't stop crying, I can't eat and I can't sleepeven with sleeping pills. Does this get better?