I took some time to do some catch up on your situation. Dude I have to hand it to you that your doing very well.
You have gave me some motovation.
Your friend has good advice about not thinking about it ! I have slipped into that nasty patern as of late and it is a big downer on your PMA !
Stay on your path your doing well.
P.S Did not know you lived in Oz ! One of the few places on this earth that freak me out ! You guys have some real nasty snakes and spiders ! spiders I don't mind, but snakes as Dr. Jones would say " I hate snakes .. I hate em! " Have you ever seen a brown ?
W: 28 Me: 27 No kids Bomb: 12/27/06 ILUBNILWU Sep: 2/16/07 Came home: 08/30/07
The rollercoaster is relentless. I have been more down over the last few days than for a while.
I grew up with my W realy , Known her for close on 30 yrs since I was 18 , fabulous nights parked up by the river in my Valiant car with its big bench seats listening to the radio :). Living in cheap crappy houses , I never ever doubted that she was the one person for me.( Though she was not my first love , I never had trouble attracting girls back then ) The first A a few years ago now shattered that illusion and realy turned my world upside down. I realy miss her at night , I am missing her now . But its who she used to be I miss and that person has gone and moved on. But the memories are great .
Oh yeah , I live in NZ not Aus , no snakes , stingers , crocs , realy nasty spiders that bite here
Yes, when it settles in that the history you have together for all those years is tainted by that person having A's & seemingly no memory (or at least not the same loving one) of them, it can get you down for sure.
I still believe that your W is on a different planet right now, not exactly moved on, only unavailable.
That's the difficult part I think, keeping the window a little opened should she start remembering in a positive way.
Talking to CVA last night, it's the nights of sleeping alone & absence of affection that's the hardest.
Sorry you have been down lately, hope the tide is turning again for you. Just when I get used to sleeping alone, a night comes that I truly miss the closeness we had at one time. Keep the positive thoughts at the forefront, and great advice from your friend.
A bit of Wild Turkey fueled nostalga in that thread a few nights back. I have sort of fallen of the DBing wagon in a way in that I have lost sight of my goals and need to get back to some basics.
So thats about it, not sure where this is headed , I am sure W realy doesnt either.
It's easy to fall off the wagon on this stuff for me if I don't take a few minutes to read something that acts as a reminder & sums it up fairly often, although it seems to be becoming more natural as times goes on.
When your W is out of the fog & in positive territory & you start to relax is prolly the most dangerous time.
Like you said, keeping expectations in check should always be at the top of the list, otherwise you may be (prolly will be) setting yourself up for a fall that will take you from your goals.
Like you said, keeping expectations in check should always be at the top of the list, otherwise you may be (prolly will be) setting yourself up for a fall that will take you from your goals.
I need to read this right now as I guess we have had a few steps forward.
I decided to take a different path for a while to see what the results will be. I actualy decided to pursue a bit. Before everyone starts to get excited , DB'ing is about seeing what works. I felt that where we were at was not getting anywhere and so here is a very quick overview of what happened.
Sun: W has dinner at home ( usual) with family , I cook. Mon: W drops D off in evening and something upsets her a little. I txt W later and asks what she is doing tues night. She says nothing. I tell her I will pick her up . She txt back why ? I say just want to spend some time . Had to talk on phone about D later and she was upset , didnt want to go out I asked if she wanted to talk , she told me "too late". I just say OK.
Tue: Undetered I txt a quick how are you? got a friendly reply so offered to bring her dinner, she accepted and told me what she wanted. I took up dinner and later we went for walk on beach , she did 90% of talking , no R talk but I realy listened and there was lots in there about how she is feeling by how she talked about other people. It was a good evening for both.
Thursday: W offers to come cook for Kids as I was going out which was a big help , she also did some other stuff around home , I only saw her for a minute when I got home but txt her a big thankyou later.
Sat: I invited W & D for dinner and W to sleep over so we could watch a couple of movies , I of course would sleep on couch and I had an early start on Sun it would give W a sleep in. To my surprise she accepted ( I was not expecting) Unfortunatly she was feeling a bit ill and tired at one stage in the evening she got upset and said that she wanted to move to a bigger place and D to come live with her . I validated and said she should be with her mum , but added that i would be upset as I was trying to keep the family together. W was then quite withdrawn possibly expecting it to turn into an argument ( would have once ) . I said , I wanted this to be a happy evening and not get into this , after a about 10 mins W lightened right up and started to talk about the movie which is quite something. She still didnt want to take my room but I insisted so she did.
Sun: Didnt see W but a couple of friendly txt messages.
Today: W still ill so I helped her out with a couple of things stopped by her apartment , joked with her a bit , W had seen some gadget and said "we" should get one of those . The "we" being a surprise , I however just went along with it and said we should.
Thats about it but W seems to be enjoying the attention so for now I am calling this experiment a success. I will not be seeing W now for a few days due to work so it will give a good cool off period and we will see how things are later in the week.
I am not going to let expectations get up , because the WAS is still very much there from time to time but there seems to be another side of W that perhaps likes C_K a little , particularly the new improved C_K .
I know I have been tested a couple of times , SAT night being one , contencious issue , both of us had a couple of drinks , were tired but I remembered , Validate , state your point once and leave it alone . It was a good move , we both heard each other and there would have been nothing to gain from further discussion.
Long post I know , I know its pursuing which is considered a no no , but I think it illustrates what it means in the DR book about experimenting and monitoring the results.
Dave, I agree with Donna that this is not a bad experiment. Just remember, don't have any expectations and don't be predictable. After a bit of attention, make yourself scarce and really busy with unknown activities.
Glad you have the confidence/PMA to try some new stuff.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
