Oh Mark, I am not that strong!!!! I will torture myself and sit and listen to any information he has. Its my pathetic need-to-know thing. I know it, that is why I am hesitating so much.
Why are we like that... why do we need to know? I can't help it either... every time I go to her place, I look for evidence. Even though I know what's going on.
UGH.. If you could, I agree with Mark.. "I don't want any details, but they are back on"
I am sorry you have to hear these things. A wise man once told me that we tend to judge people according to our own standards. That's what your H is doing to you. This wise man when accused of things he was not even thinking about used to say to his adversaries: "I don't know about your standards but what you are saying are not my own. If you say this it's because you could do it yourself." I've seen lots of conversations with him end like that and the other person become ashamed.
Don't worry about what you will listen if you decide to call OW H. In the end the forms are endless but the essence is the same and you already know about it.
hey, lwb! so glad you got out last night and had some fun. very sweet about your D. ya know what my h would have said if my d had said I looked pretty? he would have just said, "oh, really?" lol. so maybe its good that he at least follows up with that.
about the affair assumption, my h does the same thing. he thinks I'm dating/doing all sorts of stuff/etc. its something he actually wants me to do now, but months ago, when he was still here at home and we were working on things, he said to me that he wished I would have a fling just because he would feel better...kind of like a schoolyard fight I guess, you punch, I punch, its over, we both can go back to being friends. very strange, but it made sense to him. or maybe it was just more alien spew.
I'm sorry for all that your h has put you thru. I have no doubt you could do a bang up job supporting your girls and raising them on your own if you had to, but damn, I know well about not wanting to.
good luck with your talk with ow's h. I know that isn't going to be easy.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Just wanted to stop and add my HELLO. I've been reading, but not posting much. I understand the getting out and having fun, but not really being able to stop the thoughts about H. I felt that on Friday night. Not fun.
Hope you're having a good day.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Guess who I called today? OW's H. Yep. He was so darn nice, we talked for quite awhile. He didn't know anything different. About the time I got suspicious about H (2 weeks or more), he has been catching OW in lies. We matched up the dates a bit, and they were both MIA at the same time. Whatever. Nothing that really shook me. I told him that OW is calling our house and he was in awe that she would be so insensitive. Apparently she cries about how much she has hurt me. Umm, ok.
They aren't in a good spot at all. He actually contacted an atty (before we talked) and is going to see what his options are. He is devastated about this, but can't sit and watch this happen anymore. He is a good father, so this is hard on him. They are in marriage counseling (he stopped this week), but she would cry in counseling that she was still in love with my H. She stopped seeing her individual therapist because she basically told her she couldn't help her with many of her issues until she stops contacting H.
Once again, I am happy I talked with him. We both don't want this to happen (divorce), but are both pretty much fed up with it, and realize we can't stop it. Both of us agreed that separation in our situation would just mean 'freedom to date each other' for H and OW, and wouldn't mean working on marriage.
We talked about a lot more, but all in all it was a good talk. I feel so bad for him, and commended him on his patience with my H (many would have gotten physical). I didn't tell him I talked to a lawyer, that's my little secret.
Don't know what to do now. I really don't. My alien H brought home a beautiful mantle mirror today, something I have always wanted, but we never found the time or money to buy.
I have no idea what to do. I don't want him gone, but I can't stand by and watch my husband be in love with someone else much longer.
