I don't think you understand. I had not desires or feeling like this in the past. I am also not saying I want to have an affair. What I am saying Is I NOW feel like what Our spouses have said they were feeling.
I have no support from my wife I have no intamacy for my wife My Wife does not Hear me when I talk. I am making plans without my Wife in mind. and now I have learned that I do not need my Wife.
Ok...sorry. I guess it's different for me. I was feeling all of those things before H started his affair. I actually could have easily been the WAW. In my case, we were BOTH withdrawing from the marriage but in different ways.
I just want you to remind you that this chief complaints may have something to do with your financial situation. It seems he is the one having problems with his image and has gone to someone he feels depends on him. I don't read it as emotional needs for love and understanding but as validation.
Do you think that if you could turn his comments around you could unveil his sitch?
Hi lwb. It is nice to hear that you had a nice Thanksgiving. It's a good think your H had the sense not to answer his phone or I would have had to go over there and give him a good talking to. You would think that OW would be busy with her family instead of making phone calls all day. Humph!
Christmas decorations! I am so excited to do that. It is so magical for the little ones. Hooray for Christmas lights!
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
I just want you to remind you that this chief complaints may have something to do with your financial situation
Hey hurt. I totally can see this, especially now that he is being honest with how he has felt. In the past, he would hide it, even from me. I felt it at times, and would talk to him about it, but now is when its really coming out: felt like a nanny, a housecleaner, never had any escape. Basically a WAW. It sucks, and I can't change it.
Well, not sure where we are right now, but I know that he is 100% talking to OW, at least on the phone. I have decided to call OW's H this week unless something else occurs. H is sure of 2 things 1) I am seeing someone and 2) I am hiding money and using it for an atty. He told me daily he expects to be served with divorce papers either at work or home. I have defended myself on both of these things, and have stopped. I am growing weary of the accusations.
Last night, I went out with some friends for a birthday party at a bar. Of course, H was invited but didn't attend, because they are yet more people he is pushing away. I had a nice time, but couldn't help to think about what is missing from my life at the moment. I was walking out the door last night and I heard:
D3: Mama looks so pretty, Daddy. H: Yes, she does. Mama is very pretty.
I am sure this was just because D3 said it, so whatever. Its the first compliment I have heard in months. I know its against his 'rules' to compliment me at all.
I am pretty weary of our situation, do not want to be divorced, but do not want this life any longer. I am not afraid to live alone, could do it financially (even without any support from H), and know I could be there for the girls when H isn't around. However, I don't want that. I want to be married to my "old" H, but I suppose I need to realize this might not happen. We can never go back, but I guess its H's choice whether to go into the future together.
LWB, I read your post and what puzzled me is why he is having the trust issues. That blows my mind as my H does it, too. It's like because they have been so untrustworthy, it makes them untrusting of others.
If he thinks you're hiding money, or are going to serve him with D papers any day, he certainly realizes how hard this has been for you or realizes that you will not live like this much longer. I know you've told him that, too.
One other thing, if he is talking to OW, she could be filling his head with crap, too. I know OW was doing the same in my sitch. (Perhaps she still is, but I think I have proved my trustworthiness over hers.)
Is he seeing an IC? I'm wondering if he isn't somewhat depressed with your comment about 'yet more people he is pushing away.'
(((HUGS))) for you today. But glad you were able to get out last night!
Thanks joie. I asked him if he ever thought I would 'cheat' on him before his A, and he said no. Then I said "Well, nothing has changed". He said everything has changed, that he has hurt me so much that I am probably thinking "F him, I'm doing it to him too". He is sooo wrong, I am just not built that way. He doesn't trust me at all, which I don't deserve, but I think it comes from the guilt. He has said "I never thought I would be this person, so who's to say you won't do it back to me". Oh and he told he assumes I have been talking to OW's H this entire time. WTF?
He, in the past, has always refused IC or MC (even though he lied to OW and told him I refused it). Doesn't believe in it.
He doesn't trust me at all, which I don't deserve, but I think it comes from the guilt. He has said "I never thought I would be this person, so who's to say you won't do it back to me".
See LWB,
this is where my problem is. My W told me the same thing about not beliving she could be the person to do something like this.
But the differance is my W trusts me too much. I think this is where all of our problems come togeather. It's the fact that I was married and I was happy and had no worries. I thought this was "forever". If I knew that I had a chance of losing my W BEFORE this happened Things would have been differant. Now My W trust me to wait for her to decide. everytime I talk to her about our R this lets her know she still has time.I think possibly a in a good marriage you need to have a little non trust. It keeps you working on your R
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
