Now My W trust me to wait for her to decide. everytime I talk to her about our R this lets her know she still has time.I think possibly a in a good marriage you need to have a little non trust. It keeps you working on your R
In a roundabout way, you are describing detachment, I think. That non-trust, the worry that finally the waiting spouse is no longer going to wait....
I want to say sorry first, it seems that it is all stemming from his own guilt.
It seems also that he tries to pick fights with you.. like about the money and the OM you supposevely have. Don't feed into it and your doing a great job not feeding into it! its hard though. He's going to think what he wants to think. But I truly don't really believe he believes that.
OMG.. H.. You hit it right on the head.. My H trusts me too much too. That is definately an issue.. but he thinks its free sailiig for him because I would never do what he has done to me. Must be nice to have that kind of assurance.
Lwb.. Your a better person than him that's why you wouldn't do what he's done period!
((hugs))
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Thanks tal. When he says these things, he isn't trying to start a fight, just stating facts. Its odd, because he is so sure of what he thinks/believes.
Thanks for the hugs too, I'll always take those.
PS: I said to H the other night "For all I know, you are done with OW, and are sleeping with other women." and he said "Oh so now I'm an a$$hole and a whore?". Fool.
Do you think that there is a 180 somewhere in your sitch? What would happen if you didn't allow any R talks? What if you initiated R talks everyday? What if you really did start putting extra money to the side? Are there any other consequences you can deliver for your H speaking with OW everyday? Technically, he has a good thing going. He can live at home, work as usual and continue to speak with OW daily. I'm not suggesting "kicking" him out - I don't think he would go, anyway, based on past experience, but there might be something you could do at home to deliver some sort of consequence for his actions...just a thought.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
I think he is daring you to do those things. He might or not not know if you were putting money aside. But he certainly will know when you talk to OW's H, because he will come down on her. I think he is voicing his fears so that you will reassure him that his little world in not in danger. You are not going to do anything despite the fact that he is an a$$ and a whore, as he puts it.
lwb - Good for you going out last night. Look at it this way.. he chose this scenario.. not you. Don't worry about what he's missing out on.. he chose it.
I agree with the others.. guilt and fear. I had read somewhere where trust issues have to deal with guilt. They are basically afraid you will do the same that they have done.
Makes me wonder, my W NEVER trusted me. Even though I never gave her a reason not to.
Mark, nothing has changed. That is why I feel silly updating every day.
I worry that OW's H will knock me over (yet again) with things I don't know about. Last to know, last one in the dark, yet again. But I need to do this. I don't care anymore if H gets mad, I really don't. I am not sleeping with OW's H, for goodness sake (that's H's dept to sleep around), I am searching for...I don't know what....truth, information....who knows. UGH
Question: Is anyone here against me calling OW's H? I am just interested in both sides....
I say it's OK to call him, but make it clear early in the conversation why you are calling. Tell him you wanted to let him know that is wife's affair with your husband is not dead. And that's it.
