Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE GGG- What it means to me.

Well, you can't, of course. It's a crapshoot. All I know is, if I had to do it over again, I would be veeeerrrrrrryyyyyyy wary about choosing someone who had a strong history of limited affectionate and/or sexual touch, just because I know about the possibility of reversion .... and what my priorities are.

I hear what you are saying. Luckily, GP has no history of limited sexual touch - lol. Although I do think he admires my cow, I think his primary LL would be quality time. It's not that he would want me to bake him a pie. He would like to sit in the kitchen talking to me while I baked him a pie while wearing some sort of uber-curve enhancing /muscular leg revealing polka dot dress and apron combo and bright red lipstick.

The reasons why physical touch is not his primary language are different from the reasons why it wasn't my 2bx's. My 2bx was born with severe eczema/nervous monkey metabolism and he had a neurotic mother who was a smother/hugger. GP was raised in an environment that taught "men don't touch/cuddle" and his mother wasn't a hugger but he had an excellent relationship with her. He regarded his mother as one of his best friends and advisers. He said that when he was a young adult she would call him up and say "Son, I'm cooking something and you need to come on over here and eat." then she would feed him and then she would make him do something like wash her car while she would sit on a chair smoking a cigarette and make conversation with him until he let her know what was up in his life. He said that she would have liked me because I'm a "talker" too but she would have regarded me as relatively wimpy and might have said something to me like "Girl, if you have any trouble with that boy of mine just send him over to see me. I'll set him right."

Well, I still haven't found out about the convo between my 2bx and my D16 but my S19 came over today and he said that his father just suddenly ended the convo with him for some lame reason and that was the first time he had talked to his father in a couple months. Then he said "I think I tend towards mumbling because of Dad." and I asked him what he meant and he said "Because he's so sarcastic. He was really kind of a d*ck wasn't he?" I feel that I showed admirable restraint by simply saying "No comment."

My current hindsight is 20/20 would have me dumping my 2bx a couple months after my D16 was born. I'm confident that my maternal instinct would have modified my attraction to "bad boys" enough to round up a decent stepfather for my kids or I could have just functioned as a single mother with my own father to back me up. Really, it wasn't my sexual attraction to my 2bx's cranky "top" that kept me in the marriage (there are plenty of "tops" to be found) but rather his puppy dog tendencies which bonded my cow. The warning I should give myself is to simply make sure that a guy fits the equation- Alpha minus Puppy Dog > Top minus Monkey

That and you probably believed, like most people, that any marriage that's not abusive is better for the kids than a split family. The problem is that he WAS abusive ... you don't have to hit someone to be abusive. And back then you couldn't see it. Or your cow hid it from you. Or maybe it was the monkey? No matter.

The bunny was never fooled, of course, and kept yelling "hey ....other animals! I'm being mishandled here!" but they couldn't hear it.

This bodes well for your monkey and your .... swan, is it? (You need to put out a primer for the zoo; I can't keep up.)

I still maintain that your bunny should be worried, petting-wise-speaking......

One thing that putting up with a miserable marriage made me see is that I do have this reservoir of inner happiness which is independent of external circumstance. MJ, you and I have this in common: we were indulged by our fathers' love. In a strange way, I feel I stuck it out with my H and proved a point to myself. I will never do that again.

Well, Good news for the bunny! I asked GP to take the enneagram test and he is a Type 6. So, he's just like dear old Dad except for all the superficial cultural and physiological and histamine-group details which make him way more sexy than dear old Dad. He is so lucky to be dating me!

My inner bunny is rejoicing for you. Now, I get all these animals mixed up, but here is a bunny story, I think. We had a long trip home, and the final leg of the journey was taking the air-train from JFK-NY airport ( in the midst of holiday bustle) to the long term parking lot. I was in full indedependent mode, and grateful that the kids are of an age where they could pick up their end of things. I am standing up, hanging onto the pole...it's sort of a subway atmosphere..and H is on one side and I am on the other, while the kids found seats. Typical stuff. But here is something new...my H walks over and puts his arm around me as we muddle through the ride. Hooray for the bunny...she got fed a carrot! She is still alive!

LOL- That's great. I think they ought to start offering Relationship-Ed. classes in schools in addition to Sex Ed. I think the zoo would be a useful model. The teacher could say something like "Now, boys, it is natural that someday you will want to be fed, f*cked and admired by a woman. However, that isn't just something that will happen automatically. As you can see from this chart, you must pat the bunny, appreciate the cow, respect the lioness and spank the monkey (although not necessarily in that order) in order to achieve your goal. Then they could role play different situations.


I'm not too concerned about my bunkey around GP because the other day he told me that he really was kind of sad that his S12 was becoming a teenager and got all sentimental about how he used to climb in his lap and eat food off his plate. He said that he used to say "What's wrong with you boy? I know that your mother already fed you." That's just how he acts when I get bunkey with him- he pretends like he doesn't like it because he's tough but really he does- just like a guard dog acting like he doesn't like getting petted/played with by a toddler. It's so cute.

Since this animal stuff isn't going away any time soon, I might as well go with the program. If you can't beat em, join em.

My S13 really loves observing animals. Kinda patheic to say that he has a whole room of stuffed animals with various nicknames, and brings them all downstairs when we're watching a family type movie. Interestingly, he's detached from our real animal ( the pet dog), who is my daughter's baby. He likes the fantasy of it all.

My father collects elephants. In the assisted living that they moved to this past summer, everything is so bland. They haven't done a thing to personalize it...no photos, no junk. They're thinking ( hoping ) it's temporary. It's not.

My H, kids and I take a day outing to Busch Gardens. After some thrill rides, we take the train around the zoo park. My son says to me that he is so happy seeing these animals he is about to burst. I then walk into a gift shop and see this adorable colorful elephant and buy it. I give my mother a photo of all of us on this terrifying ride and I give my father the elephant.

My mom can't stop looking at the picture and my dad, the elephant. I was feeling so disjointed visiting them there, so displaced, but I feel better now.

I am home now, and I have to do some things for my new office. I'm noticing I am bringing out my owl and I've missed her.

Anyway, some random thoughts regarding the Journey household and animal psychology.