Had a very emotional weekend and I said some things about the OM and the A, as well as some other things that were on my mind. There was a slight response from my W and even a slight, at least I hope so, sign of remorse or regret. On Saturday we spent the day shopping and even went to check out some clothes for my W, I picked out a great dress that she can wear for the holiday parties and a dinner dance we are going to this saturday. The store is having a sale on Thursday so if she does not buy it, I will.
Then again on saturday night we had some frank talk so to speak. It is always initiated by me, and perhaps not what all the experts say, but so much has to be sifted through and I need to figure out what it was that led her to stray away so we can make a better future together.
She said that the constant talk is draining so I will work hard on just doing a little of it on select or pre determined nights. It will not be easy because I can see a little glimmer or light at the end of the tunnel and I want to dash for it. Yet I know that there is still a long journey and much to deal with before we get there.
I also said that the OM whom we see socially a fair bit, is on my mind and I get the triggers when I see him. I said that I started out feeling we should or could perhaps be civil or even friends again and now I truly despise him. He is avoiding me, which makes me wonder if he is ok and then I feel that he will pursue my W again, so I get a little worked up.
All in all, I just want to say, try to stay positive and if you would have heard some of the words my wife said to me months ago, and even a few weeks ago she was going to leave me because I got emotional, and how she hates the way I look, or how desperate I look, just remember that they did love us and slowly they will again.
I told her that it is a huge emotional roller coaster and I think she almost grasped it.
Not counting any chickens yet, but even with all the frank talk, I think that we are moving in the right direction. No sexual contact and very little physical but just trying to be friends.
W was cold and removed so I guess her mind is racing. Maybe it was too much talk and too many good moments lately so she is a little overwhelmed. At least this is what I will think and hope that it is.
I have been an obsessive emailer, even when things were fine a way so I will try to limit it just to factual stuff when I am going somewhere or what to pick up for dinner. I am also saying I love you too much I think so will just try and be more casual and not say it all the time.
Have a big weekend coming up and I think tomorrow we will decorate the christmas tree. Her family, they are jewish likes to come over or should I say the kids do to decorate so it should be fun.
The kids issue is very hard since we were trying to and going to the clinic while the A was blossoming. I know that she wanted a baby so badly and then she chose the Om and basically put it all on hold. I figure that the train has passed by so it is something that we will have to deal with down the road. It just adds to the pile and I can only imagine how it plays in her mind at times. Basically we were doing Artificial insemination while she was having the A,
It will be an issue I believe as the holidays approach.
Have a Great Day one and all, and hoping that there is love in the air somewhere,
Just feel tired and drained today, I am just totally empty in a way. I think that we have moved forward in many ways and I think that my W is dealing with lots of stuff and lots of emotions on her own. I guess I just feel very alone and I just need a hug, luckily I can hug the dogs and I do that.
It is so hard because at times like this I feel that we are driving the love out of existance and I know that I just have to be patient and try to be normal and a friend, but god is it hard. There is no magic wand or button and then I really have no idea if my W is dealing with quilt or remorse or confusion or fatigue on her end and wondering when things will get better.
I have also said that living the lie with everyone else is also draining. We chose not to tell anyone so friends and family do not know the details only that we are having some issues. They ask how the baby making is going and I can only say that it is stressful and we are taking a break at the moment. She was out with some friends last night and she cannot talk about much because it is all a lie and it is all created by her actions so I have a feeling that she is having a very hard time coping with all this. We can escape and fake all we want, but sooner or later we have to come face to face with it all,
Trying to feel better, and I hope you are as well,
I had a sorry day yesterday, just felt sad, alone and sorry for myself. I ofcourse brought that home with me. I have to figure out a way to snap out of it, or at least fake it when it happens. I know it doesn't do anything and I know that my W does not feel any pity for me, so it just turns into a negative non productive spiral.
I have to sit up or stand up straight and remind myself that I have not done anything untoward, I have many things I can do better as a person and as a husband, but I believe in my marriage vows of in good times and in bad.
I will also see the OM all weekend at a tournament so I have to prepare myself and not let him get under my skin. I think I have that covered, but better over prepared than falling into a funk.
The great thing is that on saturday there is a dinner dance, and on the weekend we were looking at a dress that I picked up, I just got an email that my W bought it. Funny how the little things matter when you cannot take anything for granted.
Have a Great Day and if in a funk, try hard to get out of it, I know how it eats away at me,
On the way.. sounds like you are doing well. I can't imagine how the child thing will weigh on you both. I had a friend that tried that twice to no avail. I feel for you both there.
You find a way not to bring home the sadness and doubt, and "I'll have what he's having!!"
Have fun on Saturday.. hope the OM will stay out of your way!!
Even better news for me personally, the OM has backed out of the whole weekend, no idea why but I could not be happier not to have to deal with him or any of my emotions.
Had a nice night last night as well, and I got a nice hug as well. No talk but just a few gestures that mean the world to me.
I have been here before and then gotten all emotional and wanting too much too soon in a way so I have to just relax and enjoy it for what it is. It will not be easy, I get too excited and too emotional so have to slow down, just as I do in curling.
It will be a fun weekend just on its own and then if we can enjoy it as a couple what could be better, perhaps some love making, but I will just take a fun weekend and few laughs with my lovely W and leave it at that,
It was a hectic weekend for me, I was curling and drinking so it was activity based. On saturday night we had a dinner dance and we danced together and truly enjoyed it. My W looked splendid in her new dress and everyone commented on it not just me.
We got home late and still put on some music including our wedding song which is Randy Travis forever and ever amen. I know it hurts my W to hear it sometimes but she was singing along. Granted we were quite drunk. I wanted to get physical, but perhaps best that we did not.
She did mention that she would still like to be friends with the OM. He was around on the weekend watching the action so they exchanged a few words. I have always said that if there is love and happiness at home with us, and they or especially the OM is totally open and honest I can give it a try, but I feel we still have a pile of issues and stuff to deal with before we get there.
I do not know if those feelings by my W are good or bad, but I feel quite good about myself in most respects.
There were people playing from all around the city, and one guy told my W that their whole gang of about 12 or so guys and their wives all come to the tourney because of me. She said not to boost your ego, but she thought that was very nice. It did ofcourse boost my ego as well,
On the way back... from what I've read, a WS can never be friends with OM. Its basically inviting an A all over again.
Im not sure how you approach that with W but I would suggest getting the book "Surving An Affair". In that book it explains in detail why a WS cant be "just friends" with OP.
H4C
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
Probably not the best morning, had a rough night last night, I said on the topic of my W wanting to see the OM as friends, I suggested that maybe we should work on whatever they were doing as a couple and that it just hurt me when I thought things were ok or getting better that she would bring up being friends with the OM. She said that she cannot stand it when I am obsessed with it all and have to do it every night. I do not bring up the A every night, but it is on my mind every day one way or another. I do not know if it is a quilt thing and a realisation or if it is also coupled with the fact that she did bring up the OM so maybe the feelings are even more mixed.
Tomorrow is my W birthday as well, so it was a special day for us and perhaps she is thinking about that. Her period is also coming so maybe that has something to do with it. I am just hoping I guess that it is all a good thing because she did freak out and say I cannot stand this anymore. I also freaked in a way and said at least when I had a problem or something I did not run to another person, that I take for better and for worse seriously.
Just left this morning so I do not know if I should email her or just let it be,
