Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done Divorced, but still hoping for a miracle

Hey P42,

I had the reconciliation thoughts for a long time, and still wonder what I'd do if she showed up at my door wanting to get back together...after all the soul-searching and therapy I can honestly say that I would smile at her, give her a hug, then ask her to leave and return no more.

I'm not the same person she married. I'm ten times stronger, ten times smarter, sober, and confident now. My ex threw me away like a stale doughnut when she left...I'm a fresh Almond Creme Torte now, buddy and I'm sittin' pretty in the bakery window, and all the ladies are hungry for cake.

So, work on yourself, put those kids first, and keep that karma bin full. I open doors for people, let drivers cut in front of me, and smile at grumpy old men. I too read "The Secret" and it does work! The Law of Attraction is so powerful...

Every morning I wake up and say "Thank You" to the Universe for putting me here. Wouldn't change a thing...okay, except for having to pay taxes...keep up the good work P42, I can tell you're getting stronger by your words and deeds!

Your comment made me smile, about2bd. It seems you are doing awesome. I am so happy for you :).

All my best,
alamogirl

The darkness continues:

I went out to visit a friend last weekend in Delaware. Saw a football game, had some laughs, went to the gym several times and just had a good weekend. I was purposefully vague to my kids about who I visited out east. Hopefully my wife will be curious, but, maybe not. My oldest daughter (D11) called me on Sunday night and asked me what I was doing and who I was visiting. Haven't heard from my ex in almost 2 months (she communicates exclusively through the kids - which I think is really lame). I still really miss her. She doesn't know that. I hope she will contact me sometime. In the meantime, I'm taking about2bdivorced's advice. Keeping the karma bin full. Getting plenty of exercise and keeping my eyes open for pretty girls. Dating for me at this point is still easier said than done.

P42

Wonder what would happen if you poked your head out, just a bit...? It couldn't hurt. Maybe send her a light-hearted email forward, or something else equally non-threatening.

Thanks again for posting Azhira. I've heard many times that after a person begins dating and forgets about their ex-spouse, then they (the ex-spouse) become interested again. I know I'm not supposed to think about her and the OM, but it is still really difficult. I have heard through mutual friends that she is still acting extremely selfish. Everything now seems to be about her. She doesn't seem to be concerned about losing most of her friends, because she just spends her time with her boyfriend. I also heard she was going to call up an old friend whom she hasn't spoken with in years to ask her to host one of those jewelry parties. This seems to pretty much nail her behavior on the head.

Stay patient I keep telling myself. She'll eventually realize how she is acting. Or maybe someone will grow a backbone and tell her? I also found out that my oldest daughter has been really upset with her relationship, mainly because she felt misled. My ex told D11 that he was just a friend. Am I really crazy or is this just totally stupid and self-centered?

It seems lately like there is this communication barrier that neither one of us dares to breach. I keep hoping that she will forget about OM, by remaining in the weeds - totally out of view.

P42

Well, in my experience, being totally dark won't suddenly bring the walkaway to their senses. Really, it should be used to help both sides cool off.

She may still be stuck in selfishness mode. There's not much you can do about it. Leave her R with your daughter between them.

Oh...and even if someone did tell her...she wouldn't listen, anyway.

Do you have any reason to speak to her directly about the kids? Holidays, presents, birthdays, anything like that? I'm thinking you need to open up a line of communication with her, even if it's small. Then, you can build on it later.

This has to stop. When one parent uses their children as a conduit for communication, then it's time to call in the artillery. I would tell your ex politely that this is unacceptable; it will damage the kids and make them feel like pawns. My ex was doing this and I had her hauled into my lawyer's office (w/her L) and I laid down the law.

Keep up the karma and keep flirting...good job, Grasshopper. I suggest several movies for your viewing pleasure..."The Tao of Steve" and "300"...the first one is funny, and teaches you that "we pursue that which retreats from us". The second one makes you want to work out night and day and kick other guy's asses.

P42, you are doing awesome. Keep up the good work and stay positive. You have friends here.

Thanks again about2bedivorced. I really appreciate you chiming in. Right now, I'd like to drop the legal bomb on her, so she would have nothing else to do but worry about how to defend herself. I really can't stand divorce lawyers, though. The only thing more lowly is a debt collector, which I just got a letter from regarding my ex's medical bill. Somehow it now ended up in my name - go figure. I left her a voice mail about it on Saturday and still haven't heard anything back from her. This is so typical. I just need to hold my breath and count to 10 - over and over again.

I did find out that oldest daughter (D11) really laid into her about her relationship with OM. She has been much less than truthful to our kids about her relationship. Serves her right since she hasn't in the least tried to be discreet around the kids. I believe she has poisoned her relationship with our kids and it is going to take a lot of work to restore it. I've also been reading up on this site about the MLC. She definitely has it. Doesn't care what anyone thinks. Unbelievably selfish.

By the way, I ordered "The Tao of Steve" from Blockbuster. I saw "300" and once was enough. I liked it, but all the killing started to get a little old toward the end.

Thanks again,

P42 (Grasshopper)

Hey P42,

Sounds like you are maintaining your sense of humor through all of this, and that's a good sign. Sounds like your ex is doing whatever she wants - like a bratty teenager...be the grownup for your kids. Don't talk trash about her around them, and in your heart remember to forgive her.

I talked to my ex (by phone) for the first time in two months today. I have my DD Thanksgiving Day and it was to work out swap times...I was upbeat and courteous, she sounded down and robotic. I've gotten to the point where I feel nothing for her...not hate, not love...indifferent. I think of my ex-wife as Crazy Aunt Betty from Minnesota and that's who she is to me in my mind...

Make this the best Thanksgiving and Christmas ever, buddy...I'm not talking material things, I'm talking love and quality time...hug those kids, make snowmen, do hot cocoa and fresh baked ginger snaps...those are what kids remember; that and a father's love and kindness.

Another thing that's helped me tremendously is a 25 yr old girlfriend. She's closer in age to my kid than me... But, I'm a stud, what can I say...oh and the young woman works with one of my ex-wife's friends. GF is a hottie, blonde, and thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread...how ya like me now, WAW?

So, keep up the good work Grasshopper! You are about to be rewarded BIG TIME!

About2bedivorced:

I'm really starting to like you. Always look forward to your posts. I met my ex on the road (again) driving back from St. Paul (where the OM lives). This is about a two hour drive. Right now, I'm scanning my daughter's ortho bill and emailing it to my ex. This will be my third attempt to get her to respond to this. I don't know where her money is coming from right now. She told me she couldn't afford to pay for the kids' piano lessons, but has bought a new car (2008), put a new glass door on our house (I'm sure at least $1500) and found all sorts of creative ways to spend money on herself.

My middle daughter (D9) told me last night that she really misses having me over at mom's house. We lived there over ten years and it brought tears to my eyes. I told her that what she said really made me feel good.

It has been at least two months since I have spoken with my ex. I don't know if this is good or bad. I've tried to keep things light in the voice mails and emails. I still love her. She hasn't turned into crazy Aunt Betty yet. Incidentally, I'm from northern Minnesota. There are a lot of crazy Aunt Bettys up there.

Haven't had much luck with any 25 year old women. I thought if I do date anyone, it would be nice to meet someone younger. No reason other than maybe it's my own little mini-MLC.

Thanks again for stopping by About2bedivorced. I don't know if you live in Boston or some other part of NE. I have a good work acquaintance that lives in Boston (when he's home). I love that city. I've never seen so many beautiful brunettes in one place in my life. Have a good Turkey Day.