Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Piecing - H still contacts OW

hey there))))))))))))))))))nice to see you again hon!
glad to hear it's going well, as well as it can be expected

Boy, I do hate to move, kudos to you for beign so patient about that! hope it is for the best.

I just so hope and hope that it is worth it at the end. H has been nice but who knows if he calls OW also? He has met some new people, a few whose family is not there (kids too old to move, wife does not want to move, etc.). I get a sick feeling that they will go out and "have fun". Unlikely actually for my H to do that. But I keep thinking "well anything can happen now". Have to thought stop.

Wow OC--you have a lot of positives, and I completely understand your reservations. I'm glad you've found threads that have helped you with patience--you are doing a great job!

I know my H had told me that he had no contact with OW...only for me to find some emails (he left his email open and for the life of me I don't know what impelled me to look)between OW and H...now this was about 8 months after he moved home...and about 5 months before he was able to say he loved me again...

In the emails he professed his love for her always...said she saved his life...wanted to talk on the phone with her...evidently at one point she had tried to call his old office number...anyway it made me so sick to see this...but she did mention she always knew he would go back to me...and that she was with a really good man herself now...

What I am trying to tell you is it takes time for them to get OW out of their system...totally...this took place nearly 3 years after they ended the A!!!

As far as I know there has been no more contact...things with H and I are continuing to improve...

So in your situation I think it is good that you are willing to make the move...this shows H your dedication to the R/M and to him...so keep your focus on the positives...don't harp on him to cut contact because my H once told me that when I would bring OW up that would put the thoughts of her right back in his head...so let it be...he isn't seeing her...he is telling you that it isn't romantic exchanges they are having...so you need to trust him...the more you put trust in him...I think the more he will want to earn that trust...

Hang in there...piecing isn't easy...it takes more patience and understanding...but you can do it...

Lin

Lin,

Please pop over to my thread - your input would be appreciated! Thanks!!

HB
(Don't mean to hj yours OC)

Thanks, Lin. You really help me confirm my decision. I have second thoughts about moving because really, I would have so much more going at home, careerwise and friendshipwise. But I know my priority is my family and my husband.

I know H is trying to break it off, but I also know that he is having a hard time, not only because he is not over her (guilt), but also OW is very good in what she is doing. Not pushing, not pleading. She is doing the same thing as us DBers. She only wants to talk to him because that's what he is willing to give now. I am sure down the road if H slips, she will welcome him with open arms. Right now she just want to stay in the picture. That's why I am scared. but I know I cannot let her take control of my feelings.

Lin, knowing the timeline of your h's contact with OW, helps me in having patience in mine. I just love this board.

Now I have to go back to baking. Holiday is such a busy time for cooking for school :-)

Hey OC,

Just popped over and saw that you are posting again. I know it may only be temporarily while H is out of town, but am glad to see you back here for yourself. Not that you need it at all since you are doing so well, but it does help to get the support and understanding of those who have been there. And you have so much to offer as well to those of us still going through this mess. So... thanks! And send me some baked goodies!

Thanks. I feel so much better after i made my decision to move. Not much weighing the pros and con. It is almost like at the height of the affair where I just block out what H is doing but just doing what I want to do (DB).

H has been nice. It is funny because for the longest time, H likes to cut me off in the middle of what I am talking (he is the talker and I am the quiet one) and inject his opinion or switch to talking about himself. Now he actually let me finish the whole story. I am actually not used to this at all and sometimes don't know what to do or how to continue. I have to remember to give a positive feedback to him on that one.

Holiday is a busy time. I am really hoping that during this time i can post a little more on others just to give a bit support on this difficult time.

Son got me on the computer yesterday typing on this board. Hopefully he did not see the website address. He just asked me a week ago what "divorce" mean. I freaked. Then I found out he saw it on TV and truly did not know what the meaning of the word.

motto of the day: thgouht stop (which I have been not doing great and having wild ideas of what H is doing :-)

Hey OC,

Please look into the book Slowing Down to the Speed of Life (Richard Carlson and Joseph Bailey) it REALLY helps to learn thought recognition and to STAY in the present moment.

You are doing great just stay focused on the present - you cannot control anything else anyways!! I know I've been there too and will be there again!!

Have a great weekend!

HB

You are so right, HB that i have no control.
H is still out of town. I have my moments. His phone calls have decreased. I am not sure if he is just too busy or I keep thinking may be he is meeting OW. It is a very far fetch because I would think he is not dumb enough to be seen with OW now. But he has gone a bit cold and distant. we still talk, but no more sweet talks. one side of me say he is just busy, the other side say he knows i am moving with him so now he can meet ow in secret.

Having fantasized on the worst, I have decided to not to act on it. I made my decision to move, now I know about MLC, basically I look at him as being still sick. So unless I can find proof (and I won't snoop), I will assume nothing is going on and continue on my move.