I also feel it's true that we choose partners who reflect our own issues back to us. You are getting healthier, both physically and emotionally, and some of the anger you're feeling is anger at yourself for not caring about yourself the way you should have been all these years. As you move to a place of self understanding, you will begin to like yourself more, while accepting your flaws, and here is the cool thing: You will see that your W's rejection really isn't about you. She may have legintimate complaints about you, but her actions and responses reflect her own poor state of mind. Healthy people don't shut themselves off. It's self defeating.
BTW, I am one of those people who are LD for security, love, commitment, etc., and HD for novelty and excitement. I think a lot of people are like this, but the great part of being human is that we have the conciousness to expand our mind-body connection to a higher level. And that's what marriage is all about....it teaches us how to mature and evolve, if we so choose.
You cant control your W's choice to work on her issues and the marriage...you can only do your part. What ends up happening on this board is that over time, one partner takes the growth route, while the other partner attempts to stay in the dysfunction. There is no way to predict the end result: some of us move on, some work things out, and some decide to accept the misery.
Keep plugging along; allow your anger to help promote change, but don't stay in it. You are moving forward to a better place.
BTW, I am one of those people who are LD for security, love, commitment, etc., and HD for novelty and excitement.
I don't want to hijack this thread but I feel like I have to ask you why after all these years on this BB you do not simply straight-forwardly ask your H for more excitement and novelty in your sex life? What on God's green earth is keeping the two of you from having sex in an elevator?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
MJ, I can get excited about thinking of sex in an elevator with a stranger, but not with my H. He is too much my H. And I guess he feels the same way about me.
I have come to the realization that you can't have it all. You make your choices and work with them. Having a regular, content sex life seems to be our limit.
MJ, I can get excited about thinking of sex in an elevator with a stranger, but not with my H. He is too much my H. And I guess he feels the same way about me.
I feel really sad hearing that.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
As far as I can tell, you have posted zero evidence in support of this theory. I think your H might be hesitant to suggest/initiate such a scenario because of your tendencies towards LD or because it is simply outside of his sexual comfort zone but I don't think your theory is correct. In fact, I might suggest that part of the reason you manifest as LD sexually is that you are semi-consciously following the rule of sexual "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and therefore trying to make yourself a sexual "stranger" to your H and therefore more attractive.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
MJ, Maybe it is time for me to push myself out of the comfort cycle and into the growth cycle ( iow, become more sexually assertive). Thanx ofr the kick. I am leaving tomorrow to visit my family in Florida for Thanksgiving; I was feeling kind of down as I will be once again, face to face with my father, and although I am so grateful for this, believe me, it's hard. But there is opportunity to have fun here--H and I ( and the kids) will be staying at a hotel, and the kids have a separate room. Elevator time with my H...wow...I never would have thought of it...I like the way you think!
Chrome, I feel terrible that I made you sad. Really, I am happy. I am just working in reality, that's all.
BlueJay, Please forgive this hijack, but it probably won't be the last time!
You didn't make me sad, I was just saddened because I think that sentiment is the case for many people. I could see myself getting that way if my current situation continues. At some point, it is hard to maintain attraction toward someone who is not attracted to you.
I am more sad FOR you than because of you.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
RJ if you dont feel horny enough for sex in an elevator, try a crotch/ass grad/stroking (his) play then wink and sy "there is more later you hunk" then give him a short kiss and walk to your destination.
RJ if you don’t feel horny enough for sex in an elevator, try a crotch/ass grad/stroking (his) play, then wink and say "there is more later you hunk” then give him a short kiss and walk to your destination.
