Suprisingly, I am starting to feel better. I have been doing things for myself lately. Things I have been neglecting like putting on full make-up for work, new hair cut and color, losing weight, buying lingerie, and wearing it to work. I definitely feel more attractive and better about my self. At home I am pleasant and relaxed and have got into the mode that he will do what he will do, and there's not much I can do to change that except become the person that he wants to spend time with, which is a person who is happy with herself. I had been single for 10 years when I first met him, owned my own home and was pretty independant, and I am becoming this person again.
I think it will be a long time before things really improve in the R, but right now, today, I have hope.
I am not a clingy or emotional person, I don't break into sobbing fits everytime something goes wrong. Rather, I tend to get angry and critical and this has been a problem in the R. I am much more relaxed now, because I am realizing that I can't control everyting around me.
Thanks for all the help so far. I hope things continue to improve. Let ya know.
Wow, I wanted to quote your ENTIRE last post because I have done everything you have (180) and it feels great, doesn't it??? I am so proud of you. And yes, like Ohio Mark says "Let them be idiots" and I'll add "Its not my mess".
Well we spent the weekend at home together working on our new house and got along pretty well. I slipped up a little on Sunday morning, being a little groudhy when I got up, but he did'nt seem to mind. Caught another email from OW to him and I think he is planning to sneak her over to our place again on Tues when I am at work. I hate this. I want to come home on Tues and say "Why does this house smell like crotch rot?", but I can't.
On the other hand, I have been thinking, and I have to wonder why I want him back. He is a liar and cheater and why do I have to be treated this way? Do I want this type of person in my life? I am hoping that he will see the light with OW and come back, but sometimes I have fantasies of just laughing in his face and saying I don't want you anymore, just when he wants me back. Then I think of the 6 or 7 fantastic years we had. I have never felt so loved and cherished in my life. I want that again. He used to treat me like a princess and I want him to want to treat me like that again. So while I waver and swing between do I want him or not..all I have to do is think about those great years.
Well...I don't know what to think. H called and asked me to take a trip with him. It's been a long time since he's wanted me with him in the rig. I know he takes OW with him regularly. I played it cool and said thank you for asking, but I have things to do tomorrow. This is definitly a new and good development.
Well one step forward...two steps backward. I just found he will be going to a concert (one that I've really wanted to see) with OW on Friday. Wonder what lie he will tell me so he can go?
He hasn't mentioned anything yet...so I went to the box office and found that they have been sold out for a couple of weeks, so I don't think she has tickets. I put my name on a waiting list, and if I get tickets I will invite him for his birthday present. Sounds devious, but I really want to see this band. If he won't go, I'll ask a friend from work. I know she is not on the waiting list because I'm the first one on there. We have been getting along really well lately, and I wanted to get him something for his birthday so this is it. That it has the added bonus of messing up her plans is gravy.
HUGS