Hi Shiny, Don't think I've post to you before. Kinda missed the chance to welcome you when you first arrived on this forum. With the arrival of CJay, I get the oppurtunity to welcome the both of you to "piecing".
You younger "whippersnappers" seem to have a better grasp on what it takes to bring yourselves closer to happiness. May the pace you're on bring it upon as quickly as it seems you will achieve it.
I am just reading some post in piecing to maybe find some hopefulness in my sich.
I have a question. I noticed that you said that you have a higher sex drive than most women. Well my W does to, but mine is normal for a man. We would have sex 4 to 5 times a week, but I guess the problem was that it still wasnt enough. I wish she would have told me this before we split up but oh well. The question is with her extreamly high sex drive and her being a women and finding men on the iternet that give her sex anytime she wants, how can I be there for her being 6000 miles from her. She wont even talk to me and I know that if she would just lay off the one nighters she would miss me emotionally. Im not sure what Im trying to ask I guess I just need another womans point of view. I guess what Im trying to say is how can I speak my W love languge of sex and be in another country, while her needs are being met with someone else. DO I have a chance.
I think that you and your H are doing great, the first time I seperated and got back with W we had our good weeks and bad weeks. SO hang in there and maybe try and suduce (sp) your hubby one night after you get him good and drunk.......lol......always worked for me.
Hi everyone, and a special HI to Sandcrab and KAW,
Too funny Sandcrab...I've been reading through your thread over the last couple of days (not quite done yet, keep having to log off before I finish ).
I noticed you popping up everywhere and thought I'd check your sitch...
Well, in regards to the sex drive, your W has me beat hands down! I'd settle for once a week, twice would be heaven! (Every day was great 13 years ago, but now???).
So your sitch IS a difficult one. I'm going to finish reading your thread so as to offer more "informed" ideas to you. I'll post you there.
As for me, I'm rather down today, but it's mostly physical. Menstrual woes (starting back on the pill this week ), headache, fatigue. Slept for 12 hours last night and I'm still wiped out!
Had a very odd dream this morning in which H and I had a fight at my birthday party (over the decorations of all things!) and I decided to leave. Not only the party, but town...ADIOS!
So I'm just hoping to perk back up in time for the celebrations. Tomorrow are my last classes of the term. Then a family celebration for me at my Mom and Dad's. Saturday, of course, is the big wild bash here.
Probably a little unconscious worry about that (my typical "old" repsonse is to "freak out" and micromanage every aspect of entertaining. Not doing that this time) fed into my dream.
Just wanted to drop by and say hello. Tomorrow is a busy day and I probably won't be on, so I want to take this time to wish you a very happy birthday. Sit back and enjoy your party! Your H will love being able to do this for you!!
Erin
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
-George Bernard Shaw
Quoting shinybear: As for me, I'm rather down today, but it's mostly physical. Menstrual woes (starting back on the pill this week ), headache, fatigue. Slept for 12 hours last night and I'm still wiped out!
Yeah, Will, being a MAN and all, I guess you'd have "no comment"
Oh well, managed to haul my carcass into school today. Another snowfall for us, Yipee1 This winter is never going to end!
Well my crummy mood/state continued yesterday. Spilled over into a discussion of my needing to get away. H was hurt that I feel the need to get away by myself. I suppose I should have made it more clear that it's not that I want to get away from him, per se, but rather that I long for some time with MYSELF!
I've never travelled alone. I want to. He mentioned getting away next winter (which I've wanted to do for years, always some excuse not to:health, cats ), but my best "old" pal who also turns 40 this year is planning a getaway with some of our dearest old pals and a trip with girlfriends is also something I've never done (unless you count when she came to London Ont. with me for medical tests ).
I should have known better than to have any sort of discussion of the kind when I was feeling that crummy. H ended up acting quite cool and distant.
I tried to bridge the gap by thanking him for all that he's doing for my party (he's really doing a great job), but I think he's still bothered by my wanting to go away without him.
What do you think is up with that?
Oh well, folks, one more lecture to give and I'm outta here!
Shiny, He thinks you are pulling away and dont want him to go. I syour MLC creeping up on you 1 day ahead of your Bday? I also want to go somewhere but I would love to go with H and he is not ready. Why do you want to go? Maybe you could also plan a trip with H! Where are you that it is snowing??? Have a great party! Happy Birthday! Shay
But I wanted to tell you -- and CJay -- One thing that is becoming increasingly clear to me is how much I need time to just sit and think. My morning and bedtime routines are the only times of day that I regularly have time to myself to just let my mind process life. I used to get short/cold to SBH when he would come in and grope me while I was washing my face or brushing my teeth. We both ended up thinking I just didn't like to be treated like a sex object.
But it always puzzled me that he would grab me in the kitchen while I was doing dishes or making breakfast or whatever - that never bothered me. Now I realize it's the meditative time - that I have NOT been taking for myself, other than in the bathroom!!! - that I REALLY NEED.
SO, this is my way of saying, the one time in my life that I "traveled" by myself was my junior year in college. I did a year in Scotland (Aberdeen), and at Christmas my sister and a friend from H.S. came over - they left on a Thursday, I couldn't go back to my room until Monday. So I stayed in a B&B Thurs night, Friday night and Saturday night - went back and they let me back into my room on Sunday one day early. Turned out one of my travel partners who'd split off from me & my two companions came back early to, so I had a little company...
Anyway, when I got to Scotland I had a pretty sever Major Depressive Episode. That was in October. By December I was starting to come out of it, but the travel through the holidays wore me out completely. I bought peanut butter, jelly, bread, instant soup, and a couple of Agatha Christie books. My room was on the 3rd floor, had a hot pot to heat water and there was a bathroom across from my room. I stayed up there the whole time, didn't even go down for breakfast. I read, ate, slept and watched some TV. I felt so refreshed and centered and calm after that weekend.
Unfortunately for me AND my H, I had been squawking about needing a weekend away by myslef for at LEAST 2 years. When I finally decided to do it, set it up with SBH, and went, I spent it with the OM. Even as I was driving there, I was thinking, "you know, I really DO need a weekend BY MYSELF." I had just gone to talk to a lawyer about separation/divorce. THe lawyer is one I'd worked with before - high powered criminal defense attourney who does divorces occasionally and in the case I worked on with him, I felt he had high ethical standards and really understood and protected the mental health of the family. When I talked with him, one of the things he said was, "if he hasn't cheated on you, isn't physically or mentally abusing you, says he loves you, is working on himself and wants to work on the marriage, why are you not working on it?" "Good question," I thought to myself. I opted NOT to confide about the affair. I was quite ashamed.
I left straight from his office to drive to meet OM for the weekend. We had already reserved the room and I think I mostly went b/c I didn't want to waste money & get him angry with me. I'm really in this mess a LOT because I never want to have anyone angry with me. I REALLY had just wanted to spend a weekend BY MYSELF. NO kids. NO husband. NO dishes. NO clients. NO messy house. NO family phone calls. NO RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!!
NOT because I don't love any of those things. Really. When I can just focus on the dishes or the mess, be meditative and clean, I LOVE doing housework. It's so rewarding. And I LOVE spending time with my H, my kids, but there is something regenerative about having some time to yourself.
I don't know if you & CJay have kids, but even if you don't, alone time is important. NOt that you need to know that probably, at least intellectually. But CJay may need to hear it from someone other than you, and YOU probably need to hear it, because, well, you're a working woman and you probably don't take the time you need!!!
So, Shinybear, DO IT. And CJay, write a lot of posts and I'll post you back while she's gone - in fact, I bet there are TONS of people around here who will post you & give you moral support while she's gone. I think it must be a Mars-VEnus thing maybe that women seem to need more down time/alone time than men...who knows. What am I, a psychologist or something???!!!!!
Well, now I must say (if you've hung in there to read this long post!)
.
Why do you want to go? Maybe you could also plan a trip with H! Where are you that it is snowing???
