IMHO, well, yes, I do think he should at least understand where you are coming from and be a bit more patient. However, he has been better, right? We all have bad days, LL. Maybe he's just pissy right now.
I think it's simply a matter of when is the most appropriate time to bring up the junk, and how often is it brought up. Remember, each time you bring it up you're reminding him of his guilt. Have you determined the best time and environment in which to discuss these things with your H? It's likely he'd be more forthcoming talking in an environment in which he feels comfortable. And work typically isn't that place...
Quote: It's likely he'd be more forthcoming talking in an environment in which he feels comfortable. And work typically isn't that place...
work isn't the place (true but he does work alone and for himself) in the evening isn't the time or place cause well...it's after work and the kids are around. night isn't the time or place cause well he's tired and just wants to relax and enjoy the night.
so it seems there really is no right time or place...never (ok I know that's not a good word) been a right time or place...there's always something in the way...or some reason not to...the weathers on...working...tired...hungry...kids...ugh!!!
one of our problems has always been that there is never a right time to address things...or rather...h just stonewalls all the time...it's very hard to find a right time.
I've asked...I've suggested scheduling some time (ah duh that would be joint counceling making it mandatory or simply picking a night that is intended for such conversations if needed)
I dunno....I am the analyzer...I am the phychological one...I am the one who wants to put the pieces together h just wants them all to fall into place.
who's right? who's wrong?
neither...but we do have to find a way that works for each of us..to avoid such intereactions as the one this afternoon.
I'm hoping you are feeling better this afternoon. I think H just doesn't know how to deal with LL when she's unsure. It may bring back memories of when he was not feeling connected. Try to take a deep breath and recognize you have to do the work. As much as it sometimes tires you, you are the one to do it.
I'm around if you need to vent!
Isn't it great to have the windows open? Happy St. PAtrick's Day, LL. May the Luck of the Irish find it's way into your life.
Quote: Isn't it great to have the windows open? Happy St. PAtrick's Day, LL. May the Luck of the Irish find it's way into your life.
ah! yes it is...but unfortunately the pay off is a yucky mucky muddy yard...hey maybe once it dries out I'll host a boston dbrs gathering here!! woo hoo!! party!!
I know h doesn't know how to deal with LL when she's unsure...h is used to the strong LL and doesn't like to see her weak...especially when that weakness is a result of his actions...
I was just surprised with a phone call from h...I assumed it would be him telling me he's just leaving the office but to my surprise he's already at our exit and will be home within 10 min...plans to hang at the wood pile for a bit and will let son come out with him (good cause he's starting to fall asleep and we want him in bed by 8 so we can hear what bush has to say)
looking forward to a pleasant evening of boiled dinner...playing with the kids..and then hitting the couch with h...perhaps h will be inclined to initiate a bit more than a cuddle tonight?
honestly though I'd like that...I just want to fall asleep in his arms.
haven't gotten my hug yet... h cleans up some things in the kitchen...and then dissapears to the basement...I believe with his cell phone as it was on the counter and is not now.. son then goes down after about 20 min to play..h welcomes him.
we'll see how the evening goes.
I suppose now I will be met with some distance after this afternoon.
I just wish I knew what the hell was going on here.... where does h's anger come from....is it that ow is still lingering...or is it that I don't fully believe she's gone?
Big hugs to you from somebody who understands completely. Oh yes. Been right there. Too many days to count.
I am sorry those dreadful fears have come up for you, but rest assured it's normal to feel them.
Just don't act on them -- and you aren't.
Yay Shinybear! You're keeping "what works" at the forefront of your mind, while you bear the pain of uncertainty and mistrust but look toward the light.
Excellent workpersonship.
Reading your post, I'm muy impressed. In fact, you're amazing! You let your H have his perspective! This is truly truly loving!
I don't think you can possibly know how much it helps to read your writing. I for one am really grateful for your honest wailing -- and I send acknowledgement and a big embrace.
I've wondered if I'm going INSANE sometimes. Reading that others are also INSANE makes us all seem NORMAL (lol) -- and helps me go another day.
DB-ing is a HARD NUT some days, isn't it?
But you're one strong woman and you are already a WINNER! Keep on "acting as if" your family is mending, cuz it is!
Gotta keep this short but wanted to send support. Will keep in touch. Don't forget to do something nice for YOU today!
just stopping by to say hi..I wish I could say something to make it all go away..all of it...if we could just wave a wand and all of us would be happy..no problems..guess that's not real life. You have done great in controlling your feelings and comments..try not to question him for a few days..I know when h was home and I seemed to wonder and question where he was, he pulled further away.None of us like to be questioned all the time..I know the trust thing is an issue...do you still go to c? They can help you sort out and deal with your issues of frustration. What are the answers?? Who knows...we just do the best we can. Sue
