Donna and saffie Thanks!! And saffie thanks on the comment about my dog, too. Isn't she cute??? She's my baby.. even though she's around 11-12 now. My friend was teasing me knowing that the dog sleeps on the bed with us and saying "What if she stays in the other bed and doesn't come in the new room with you?" Don't think it'll be a problem.
Care Thanks! I honestly don't think he will ever ask directly. Once I got past the "it's all my fault" stage and really looked at the M, I realized that's one major problem that he/we would need to work on if we do work on things. He expected/expects me to read his mind.. sorry H, I'm just not that good a psychic. We both need to work on being more direct, but the "mind-reading" thing is really frustrating.
During the time shortly after he came home last year we talked about this. I had asked him a question for the third time and realized that was a kind of "naggy." I caught myself, stopped, and said "H, when you don't answer me, I don't know if you didn't hear me, are thinking, or are ignoring me." He said "I know, I'm sorry. I was thinking." I thanked him and then said something along the lines of "It seems like this happens with us a lot. If you acknowledge that you heard me at least I will know you're thinking, but when you don't, how would you like me to handle it? Do I keep asking you? I can't read your mind." He responded with "I know. I've realized lately I expect a lot of people to do that.." and gave me examples of times he'd expected mind reading from me and even from other people. Really surprised me that he did that. He didn't CHANGE anything, but it was nice that he recognized it at least. First step, right?
Incidentally he never did suggest how to handle it - he didn't have a solution other than jokingly saying "well, maybe you can get better at mind reading."
So long story short.. I think he won't say anything more about it. I'll either have to bring it up, or just make the "move" without discussing it.
ST Good thoughts on the goals, thanks! Hope you like the pics.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
On the bathroom. I think what would really make it look better is a new mirror. or is that a medicine cabinet? My mom and I both thought a new mirror would really make the room look better... and maybe change the green tiles (which could be sanded and repainted) but that's way too much work. But a mirror that was much wider, and it could even be a framed mirror, maybe the color of your blue accessories? and a blue rug. I tried to make a picture of it, but it didn't come out too great. I'll email it to you.. along with the other pic I haven't done yet. oops.
On the bedroom, maybe going for a neutral color like on your palm tree pillow? in case the other colors don't work.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Fabulous work on your room , your poor H ! , reminds me of the words from an old song " You know somethings happening here and you dont know what it is "
I reckon that most of us here could provide enough material to keep a psychologist busy for a decade.
Haven't been on latley because of so much going on at home but WOW.
Don't let H suck you back in though let him work for you if he decides he really wants back in the M. If he does he'll do the work needed.
The toilet fixing is sooo funny. Been there done that but, im'e also the one with the power tools remember. H knows i could handle the house myself so he can't feel that i can't live without him.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Thanks all! Just checking in briefly to say hi and that things are still going well. I will post more soon, but once again used my "board time" catching up on others this AM.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
we will all wait anxiously to hear more from ya!!!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Thanks again all! I got really caught up in one Newcomer's sitch so sorry I haven't been updating much. It's sad how there are sooo many new stories every day - and funny how one will just grab you and make you want to help. I often just read and get overwhelmed, but this one person's story really touched me. I hope I can help. It makes me really see how that may have happened with some of you - my "newcomer" posts caught your attention - and it makes me want to say THANK YOU!!!! all the more. So - THANK YOU!!!
First replies...
OT Oh yes.. will definitely be taking more photos at future meetups. I have some from the pumpkin carving with cute-guy's hand on my back (he played it off as "posing" but all the ladies later were going "OMG that was sooo obvious he was trying to touch you" - it was funny). Not sure if H saw those.. don't think so.. but I may leave my photos on the cards a bit longer than normal.
morgan Thanks!! I know, isn't that soap dish the cutest thing?? I can't even imagine messing it up with soap.. . Looks like a perfect ring/earring/necklace holder though.
ST Thanks!! I totally agree on the mirror and especially that horrendous tile. The mirror is unfortunately a medicine cabinet and I REALLY need the storage space. I'm not sure I'm ready to tackle sawing drywall and reframing and all that to mount a new medicine cabinet in there.. will think about it but I'm guessing that it's a pretty complex job. I'll check out the pics you sent, though! Maybe adding mirrors to the sides could work somehow - THAT I could tackle.
The tiles would probably be easier to replace than sand down and such, but like you said, just really not worth the effort and cost.
LOVE the rug idea, thanks!! I didn't even think to put a nice dark rug in there - I think that'd look really good.
My friend/coworker is having a party on Fri night and invited me - I told her about my paint dilemna and she said I should bring my pillow as her office is a color she thinks I'd love! (AND she still has the paint chip so knows the color). So I'll do that - it's apparently a muted beige-y green, which sounds perfect. If that doesn't work, yep, I think just the neutral beige!
Dave Ha... yeah, no kidding. I know he's got a headache. Yeah, just those of us here alone could pretty much sustain the whole psych industry I think.
jak Thank you, Ms. Power Tools! Oh don't worry.. not getting sucked back in. Enjoying the positives, but seeing them for what they are. haha congrats on the toilet, didn't that feel great fixing it yourself??
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So an update... Monday I forget why I was even sidetracked.. but Tuesday I got a lot of GREAT news at work. A really good bonus, a raise, and a promotion - ALL unexpected!! Gotta love days like that, eh??
The best part about it is I am finally in charge of something important at work again - makes it so much easier to focus on it and really put myself into it. For the longest time I was doing either "busy-work" or projects I knew were likely to be dropped.. tough to get inspired.
The bonus means I can pay off my room stuff and have a NICE cushion for GAL'ing activities next year... and the raise pays for getting my teeth fixed. YAY!!! I am really excited.
Tuesday night was Bellydancing. Only 2 of us showed up so we had a practically private lesson. Was kinda fun but I'm still new to it so I think I prefer the "anonymity" of a group! I did ok though and felt great after. It's funny how good that makes me feel - I have talked myself out of it a few times when I felt kind of "off" but when I make myself go it's ALWAYS a boost.
H had Monday and Tuesday off - and did a TON of work around the house. Yard care, house care.. just stuff he hasn't been doing lately. Oddly he even fixed the tile in "my" new bathroom - said now the room looked nice and he wanted the tile to also. At first I felt kind of funny about this but I haven't actually talked to him about it being MY room yet, so it isn't really fair for me to get upset about this.. it's not like he intruded on "my" space. It made me realize we need to have that talk soon though.
Tuesday when I got home I was very excited and shared my raise/bonus info with H... he immediately wanted to go out to dinner and celebrate, was very excited for me. We went out, had a good time. He had a knot in his back too - he used to get these sometimes and they'd take WEEKS to go away. Through trial and error I figured out the way to massage them out... which I did when he asked last night, and he's been thanking me nonstop ever since.
I can count on one hand the number of times he's called me at work in the last 3 months - but today, when he called me 3 times! A couple of times with questions and one time I have no idea why he even called, just to say hi it seemed like. Wow. And all week - no texts. In fact H leaves his phone in the car for the most part. Wants to ask about my day, share his day with me. It's all very positive on the R/M front.
Funny, a lady I work with said "It almost seems to me like he's trying to pretend everything's back to normal without actually talking about it or confronting the issues." I think she's soo right.
Don't worry - I am not going to roll over. If anything all this has helped my resolve to go forward with this in house sep thing.
I have lots of fun weekends plans so I'm excited for that. Kinda nervous about Thanksgiving but even there I have a really fun Fri - Sun planned... so not too worried. Gotta get to bed so I'll post more later, but wanted to at least post an update. Thanks again all!!!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
May i suggest you telling H at the time you move into your awesome new room. When you do also tell him you thought that was kind of what he wanted since you were trying to read his mind.
Really, this does sound very positive the way H is acting. Just stay semi dark and make sure he works through everything before you let him back in.
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
My friend was teasing me knowing that the dog sleeps on the bed with us and saying "What if she stays in the other bed and doesn't come in the new room with you?" Don't think it'll be a problem. 
