Thanks. I know you are right. I just hope that I can get free legal representation as I have no money because my business as a loan officer (commission only) has fallen apart since the bomb. I need to find a regular job urgently as not even in position to take custody. Living with a friend, his wife and two year old boy.
I will see tomorrow if anything open to me lawyer wise.
Has OM ever had kids? What's his experience of children?
I know that children will look for the chinks in parents armour sometimes to manipulate a situation but you can't ignore what your son is saying to you.
Is there no way you can get your W and kids back to the UK if your W was happier here. The housing market in the Us and the economy are in such a state at the moment over there that to be trying to work in the loan industry at this time seems just madness.
Have you no family back over here that can help you out if you try to jump back. Both you and your W and your kids are having to cope with such an alien enviroment at a bad time.( I should explain that I don't mean the US is alien as such , just being in ANY different country and trying to put down roots and establish ones selves etc is stressful). I know the OM paid your W's medical bills etc so far but what if one of your kids got badly hurt and needed medical assistance that wasn't state funded. I just feel you are so vulnerable at the moment the way things are.
Hang in there and find out as much about OM and his temperament as you can. Don't use the info as ammunition with your W but it will help you judge what sort of a guy he is to be around your children. If I thought my kids were in danger of being hurt by someone - even their other parent - I would grab them and be on the next flight home WHATEVER. Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Has OM ever had kids? What's his experience of children?
I know that children will look for the chinks in parents armour sometimes to manipulate a situation but you can't ignore what your son is saying to you.
I believe he has children but think they are older than mine. I do not know how many and what age. My oldest daughter said at one point that one of his daughter's will not talk to him but do not know whether this is true.
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Is there no way you can get your W and kids back to the UK if your W was happier here. The housing market in the Us and the economy are in such a state at the moment over there that to be trying to work in the loan industry at this time seems just madness.
She would not go at this point. She said that there was nothing to go back for. We sold the house in the country and all that money has gone. May be she may consider one day but not at this point.
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Have you no family back over here that can help you out if you try to jump back. Both you and your W and your kids are having to cope with such an alien enviroment at a bad time.( I should explain that I don't mean the US is alien as such , just being in ANY different country and trying to put down roots and establish ones selves etc is stressful). I know the OM paid your W's medical bills etc so far but what if one of your kids got badly hurt and needed medical assistance that wasn't state funded. I just feel you are so vulnerable at the moment the way things are.
In the UK WAW would have her father and step mother and I would have my mother and family. My mother is very concerned about the children.
My WAW should have state Medicare for the children and herself soon so they should be o.k. in the USA.
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Hang in there and find out as much about OM and his temperament as you can. Don't use the info as ammunition with your W but it will help you judge what sort of a guy he is to be around your children. If I thought my kids were in danger of being hurt by someone - even their other parent - I would grab them and be on the next flight home WHATEVER.
When I was with my wife, she told me that her girlfriend said she did not like going in his shop as she said he was creepy. My 13 year old daughter said she thought he was creepy as well. I presume you ladies have some sort of intuition?
If this guy can come to the house with my wife and children and let the kids watch as the home they lived in was being emptied of their belongings when they father was present, what does that say about him?
He is never going to be with the children. He works 12 hours a day and the children have to be in bed before he gets home. It might see them for an hour or two on Saturday and 3 hours on a Sunday.
I wish I could find out who is ex-wife was and his children are. I know the ex ives in the area. I would love a long convesation with her that is for sure.
Any way got to go to work. I am calling the school to talk to a councellor. See and tell what is going on with oldest son.
There are Fathers' Rights organizations that might be able to help you with a lawyer. Their agenda is to preserve the rights of the father--not always in the best interest of the children--but in your case, I bet it is.
The good news is that I will remain a green card holder - permanent resident alien and can stay and work. I can apply for citizenship on or after the 5th year (can not remember which).
For immigration purposes as the wife was a US citizen she had to sponsor me to get out here and that does not finish on divorce. All it means is that if I claimed means tested benefits e.g medical, unemployment or food stamps, the federal government could sue her for the cost of those benefits I claimed until I became a citizen.
She told me a few weeks ago that she was off the hook after 2 years of being in the US. I thought this was wrong and checked it with the US Immigration department and it clearly states the 4 reasons when her support finishes and it is not after 2 years or divorce or her re-marriage to someone else!!!
I told her this the other day and she just made up the 2 year thing. She just does not have a clue. I would not wish her to be sued and would not claim for these benefits. I am not a shi* and have my respect and pride.
I walk the high road and can walk away from all this sitch with dignity. I can live with myself and that is what keeps me going. If she can live with herself and God then she is a husk of what she once was. However, I think one day she will regret this for the rest of her life and she will have to live with it until she dies.
I have heard so many lies from her that I trust my 11 year old more over her and at this point, I do not have much respect for the WAW and do not care about our relationship, friendship or reconcilliation. She has changed in respect of how she treats and interacts with the children and does not spend a great deal of time with the older ones, never takes them out for fun, etc.
If I could take the children, I would. I do not feel at this point in time that I would take the WAW back if that was ever an option. She has changed for the worse where these children are concerned and maybe as a whole.
Foo, Can you talk to your other kids to see what they know about your oldest son's sitch? If they were in the house I'm sure they saw or heard something.
I have heard so many lies from her that I trust my 11 year old more over her and at this point, I do not have much respect for the WAW and do not care about our relationship, friendship or reconcilliation. She has changed in respect of how she treats and interacts with the children and does not spend a great deal of time with the older ones, never takes them out for fun, etc.
If I could take the children, I would. I do not feel at this point in time that I would take the WAW back if that was ever an option. She has changed for the worse where these children are concerned and maybe as a whole.
Have a great day.
Foo.
Foo fighter, Her situation is going to unravel quickly. She put herself in the mess you see. These were her choices. She can be as mad at you as she wants but this is on her tab. Let her own it by keeping your cool. Keep an eye out on the kids well being. Keep them safe at all costs. Keep moving forward with your career. Everything else will follow.
I know you do not recognize her at the present time based on the out of character decision making. Just look at her as a broken individual who fundamentally believes they had no other choice but to do what they thought was best. That helped me to let go of the rope I was holding for my X.
At the end of the day, she is their mother and lost. It is up to you to show her how a grounded, centered parent navigates life. I spent an 1/2 hour counseling my X wife today about her current marriage. She is ready to cut and run. I urged her to stick it out. Why is she calling me about this stuff? Because I walked it like I talked it. All things come full circle sooner or later Foo.
Not much going on. I phoned my children last night and after speaking to my oldest daughter and waiting for S11, my wife spoke to me and said that the OM had spoken to S11 and will be taking a different approach with him and will sit down and explain why is behaviour is wrong when he plays up. OM had talk with S11 yesterday morning but S11 said he just ignored him.
I told S11 he should listen but what can you do. Maybe he has lost respect for the OM.
Wife asked how I was and I replied "fine". She thought I said why and she replied "because I care". I replied "no I said fine not why" she just said "oh". I then asked for S11 and she handed him the phone.
I am just sort of doing a 180 here. I just can not stand her thinking that she can talk to me whenever she wants and for how ever long she wants. Not being nasty or unloving just trying to get her to think about not having me around to talk to apart from discussing kids needs.
Her being friendly and caring in some way is a good position to be in but doubt if it will be any more than that. She was happy when she came on the phone, is that because she is happy with her life now or happy to speak to me? Does your head in, all this sitch!
Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up, it is so going to suck.
Anyway how is your day going. What is going on in good old blighty. Do you have a link to your sitch so that I know what is going on with you.
