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Well, things are coming at me hard and fast.

My first exh who is my kids dad called me last night to talk about some stuff that was on his mind. He basically told me that this situation was not good for the kids, that dh is not stepping up and being a man and that is a bad example for our kids. That if dh were any kind of a man he would do the right thing and not waltz in and out of our lives when its convenient. That I would be better off alone. He also said he was worried about the kids getting hurt again. He questioned what dh will do when things get tough....run away again to another woman?

I listened to what he said and did my best to assure him that I would protect our kids. But after, I thought about it and pretty much what he has said is dead on.

Dh noticed I was a bit bummed last night so I briefly told him what was said. I couldn't be specific as there were kids walking in and out of the room. All dh said was 'Its none of his business'. It is in a way when it affects our kids. I want to tell him everything exdh said, but couldn't. All I said was exdh was not happy with how we were handling this baby situation and that he was worried about the kids.

I want to tell him more today, but not sure if I should. Knowing dh all he will do is get defensive. What should I do?

I doubt telling him anything else will do any good. If he will not step up and be a man/husband for you or your unborn child, I doubt he will do it because your xdh says he should. Actions speak louder than words.

I think your right. He only hears what he wants to hear. He obviously doesn't care that he still talks to OW. He doesn't care that she is stalking me. He doesn't care that people think bad things about him. Its all what suits him and what is best for him only.

He had the nerve to ask me to have dinner tonight. Then in the next text ask me if he could borrow a bit of money as he is short. I said I was tight myself and couldn't.

OMG, my exdh is a user! I bet I won't hear from him now for awhile as he has his feathers ruffled that I rejected him. He spent a total of about 30 minutes with me since last weekend and he wants to borrow some money!!!

Had a really bad weekend that turned out ok. Dh heard me loud and clear. Its just the delivery I chose to take was not the best.

I lost it. Completely lost it.

All day Saturday I was fuming about DH being so casual about our R. I think my discussion with my exdh the other day was on my mind as well. Dh sent a text about 6:30 saying how he could come over for a bit if I wanted. I was pissy and said whatever. He got angry that I wasn't doing backflips and the text message war started. I should have had more control, but I lost it. I told him I felt that we weren't a priority, that he has one foot in and one foot out. That he thinks my stalker (aka OW) is a funny joke, etc. Finally he just stopped texting about 7:30

After an hour I decided I had enough texts and made the mistake of going to his house. He wasn't home. Still wasn't home at 11:30 when I went again. My mind automatically went to OW! He was with her! I just knew it. This is where I really went insane. I went and tried to find her house. I don't think I would have knocked, but I was sure I would find his truck there. Problem is she lives on some ranch out in the boonies. I know the general area, but not exactly. I spent the next hour trying to find it. Went back to DH's. Still not home. I waited at his house until 3:30 a.m. and left. I didn't get any sleep.

At 6 a.m. I went by his house again. I was just going to do a drive by. He was there. I stormed in and he was sleeping. I demanded to know who he was with last night! I mean, I was over the edge! He looked at me and said WHAT? He was with brother at a poker party at brothers house and pointed to the mound of dollar bills and change on the table. I didn't believe him at first and just started crying. He was irritated with me for barging in like a lunatic and accusing him. I asked why he didn't tell me. He said we were arguing on the texts and he just left.

I had a breakdown. I told him how I was feeling about him being hot and cold all the time. How I loved when he was making me feel good, ILY's, affection and time. Then how he turns into this distant person. I reminded him that he only spent 15 minutes with me in almost a week. He said he knew he was distant and didn't know why. That he gets his kids and work and stuff on his mind and pulls away.

He wanted to know my exact conversation with my exh. I told him. He didn't like it. I said my exh is worried about the example we are setting for the kids; that its ok to become pregnant and not married and treat it so casually. I also told dh that exh was concerned that I am going to have this baby and dh will just come and go as he pleased and it was upsetting for the kids. We have already devastated them once, and was worried about it happening again. Well, dh took it as a personal attack on him (I guess some was) and became defensive.

I guess it was an alright talk. I was clearly upset and at the end of my rope. I was exhausted from being up all night and was bawling. I blew all the DB'ing techniques and looked very needy. Disappointed in that. Dh did hear me though. Not sure what he was thinking.

During the talk he said just because he isn't around all the time does not mean he doesn't love me. It doesn't mean he is out with another woman, or that he is even talking to one. He likes his time alone. I do know that about him, but its so frustrating that he now has an option to go back into his cave and check out. He kept saying how life will turn out like we want it eventually. I don't know if he truly means that or its just a put off.

I had to apologize for going insane and making an ass of myself. I did. Not to excuse his distance, but the whole barging in didn't make me look like the most stable person.

LOL....can I blame it on my pregnancy hormones?

Ok, now I feel like an even bigger fool.

Just found out that he has been texting and talking with OW still. Checked the bill online. Many calls and texts with her, especially last week. Probably saturday nights story about the poker game was a lie now as well.

I am going to bite my tongue until after Thanksgiving and I can figure out what to do. Hard to confront him without him finding out how I know. I don't want my kids to have a rotten Thanksgiving with more turmoil.

This really explains alot about how he has been so distant and cold lately. He has been trying to juggle 2 women. As I looked at his bill he was having texting sessions with me and with her at the same time! Jeez, surprised he didn't get us confused.

How do I keep believing his lies?

im so sorry, being pg on top of everything doesn't help.

Once a liar most likely always a liar. After thanksgiving I would definatley lay it down. If you are able to check the bill online, doesn't he know this.. duh?? Anyways, It usually isn't the right thing to do to confront, but considering the fact that you are pg.. you really need to know where you stand and let him know that your not blind by what he is doing and that you know. You need to get things in order for your babys sake.

(((hugs))

tal

Thank you.

I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like such a fool. When I think back to when we saw her and he was with me, what an idiot I must have looked like. She must think I am the biggest fool. No wonder she had the confidence to show up all over the place. She is still talking and sleeping with him.

Is his defensiveness because he knows he is guilty? He gets over the top defensive and angry with me when I even hint that I know something.

I got a text from my stalker today. Perfect timing after he was probably with OW Saturday night. It said "Where was he Saturday? Not with you"

How can he deny its not her? How can he blame it on people in my life? Then have the nerve to say that I am so convinced he is doing something when he isn't.

HE IS!!!

SO2

Why wait until after Thanksgiving????? Why should you go through all that for one day that you can be happy with your children and relax, not having to put up a front.

You can make the day good for the kids with out XH, it's up to you. He's not around that much anyway, and you are divorced.

GO DARK!!!!!

You can not control what he does only what you do about it.
He is CAKE EATING!!!!! HE is using you because he knows you will be there no matter what he does to you.

He is doing this because he is allowed to.
Print everything out.
Tell him you have proof that he is still seeing her and talking to her and then drop the rope, LET GO. It is the only thing you can do at this point for you and for him.

Do not call do not answer texts or the phone!!!!!!!!!!
Let him know about the text from OW about Sat. If you can print that out do it also. Give him copies so he can't lie about it.

Don't let him give you excuses and suck you in again.

Get a life!!!!! for you.

You are feeding into all his SH**t and he likes it that way because then he doesn't have to grow up.

READ DR again it tells you what you need to do. You are not doing what is needed for you.

START NOW.

JAK

Thanks Jak.

You don't know how bad I want to tell him off right now. The only reason I want to wait until after Thanksgiving is we are having friends and family here and I don't feel up to dealing with all the questions and the kids being upset, which will happen, until after Thanksgiving.

I need to cut and go. This is truly rediculous and I am worn out and exhausted. I am preparing a letter to give to him rather than telling. That way I will avoid the confrontation and say what I really want to say.

I wish I could print out his cel bill. But I imgaine its somewhat illegal as the account is his alone and he has no idea that I can see it. I have a counseling session today and will find out what options I have or how I should tell him I know.

Right now I think I am more mad at myself for once again believing him. How can I really? He has done this over and over. What makes me crazy enough to think this leopard can change his spots?

I am going to work on the letter this morning and will post it and let you see. I tend to change them over and over.

Last night I re read Tough Love for the millionth time.

I will post more in a bit.

If you can get into your councelor they might be able to help you write the letter in a way that will best work with the sitch and wording your feelings.

Sorry to be so blunt but you needed the 2x4 IMO.

(((((hugs)))))

JAK