Jak and Matilda, The dance class went fine. She seemed to enjoy it. I asked her about it afterwards, and she said that she hopes to learn something from this teacher. She respects this teacher, and I believe if she sticks with the classes, will get valuable feedback.
A young lady in class wanted to know why I haven't been asking her to dance at the weekday venue. I told her that I would next time. She's one of the better lady dancers at the studio.
My W has been irritable lately, overreacting to seemingly minor issues. She blew-up at me last night for not having the humidifier on, and for not remaking the bed daily.
She is happy with the positive changes we've been making to the house. The upstairs is looking cleaner and less cluttered. We have refinished most of the hardwood floors, added horizontal blinds, and removed the drapery.
A gas fireplace, a new stove that self-cleans, painting the outside steps, trimming overgrown trees and hedges, clearing-out clutter in the basement, and getting into a cleaning maintenance routine are next steps. I know she'll be watching to see if if take the intitiative to do my fair share. I've been assigned one hour per week of clearing-out items from the basement.
I called her at work today to see how she's doing.
She has been listening to Louise Hay self-help tapes in the car on the topic of Prosperity.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Matilda and Jak, Calling my W at work when there has been recent conflict is a 180 for me.
On Friday night, my W and I went dancing at our venue (the DJ is leaving). There was a good crowd. My W says that I am now her favorite person to dance with.
On Saturday, I spent the day cleaning. I got on my hands and knees and cleaned the bathroom and kitchen floors. Usually I put a mop across them so I can get it done quickly. I began throwing away clutter from the basement. The goal is one hour per week of cleaning the basement.
My W took me clothes shopping and treated me to clothes with her cooking money. I usually buy myself clothes once per year. With her influence, I bought some different colors of shirts, and pants. I tend to buy the same conservative colors, but this time went with more confident looking colors like olive, dark blue, and gold shirts, and grey and other pants.
Afterwards we went to buy an oven for the kitchen. I gave my W freedom to buy what she needed, but was prepared to speak-up if I thought she was being extravagent. We ended-up buying a gas stove/oven that was about three steps above the discount model. It is self-cleaning, which was the highest priority, and had user friendly burners, that will be easy to clean. We were both happy with the purchase, and bought the lowest model that will meet our needs.
We went dancing to a local R&B club, without our usual crowd. We discovered a raspberry martini, and plan on looking for that particular vodka at the liquor store, so we can enjoy the same thing at home. We got home late, and she cooked us scrambled eggs. We put on some music and did some slow dancing.
On Sunday, I helped my W with her cooking job. I was more involved this time, helping consistently throughout the process. My role was to clean the pots and bowls, as she finished with them, to keep the area clear for her, and to minimize clean-up at the end. She complimented me on my assistance, and said she could not have done it alone.
She also cooked us some items--beef brisquet, and chili to enjoy during the week.
The only turbulence I can think of occurred when I left a purchase in the cart at the clothing store, and set off the alarm as we left. My W was embarrassed and angry with me for leaving it in there (she decided it was my fault). I kept quiet, and let her anger pass thru like a storm.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Overall, sounds like a good weekend, CL! Your wife sounds like she thinks she has no faults, though. You are nice to put up with that and let things slide by instead of reacting. Sounds like you are making progress in a happy, less turbulent relationship!
Matilda and HB, It looks like we're entering some turbulence today.
My W left two angry messages on my voice mail complaining about what still needs to be done, and that I'm not doing enough. As hard as I've worked on housecleaning this past weekend, and helping her with her PT job, this doesn't seem valid.
The complaints center around a guest room that needs organized, yardwork that needs to be done, and her pushing me to make more money. I spent the morning finishing washing the pots and pans from Sunday. She didn't like the quality of my work. The handyman was in this morning to install a gas line for the new stove, and possibly the place wasn't as clean as she would have liked.
She had the day off yesterday, and spent the day watching movies (which is fine), so I'm having difficulty not getting reactive about it. I'm not going to respond to these messages.
I pulled out a copy of "Coping with Difficult People" and found a section on Complainers--those who gripe incessantly, but not in a spirit of problem-soving. I need help detaching from her difficult behavior, or I may get reactive. I hope I can find some concrete, proactive coping skills.
She's been talking about her frustration in continuing to smoke. She has been coughing recently. She gives me guidance on how I should live my life when she dies. A former colleague of hers, who is about the same age, died recently of cancer of the throat.
I left a number for smoking cessation phone counseling on her desk. I told her it's the next step to start seeking help, and break the pattern of paralysis. She doesn't have to make any commitments yet.
I'm planning on attending a yoga class after work. She's invited.
CL
Last edited by Concerned_Listener; 11/13/0707:01 PM.
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
