A lot of it is going to depend on how much time you spend with your daughter. I would strongly suggest joint custody, 50-50. I would also suggest that you call her on a regular basis. This way she knows you care that you are there and you are interested in her. Also make sure she has all of your contact information easily available. This way if she feels like it she can contact you ANYTIME.
Also don't say divorce just tell her and best done jointly, that you and mommy won't be living together for a while, that you both love her very much and that she will continue to see and talk to you on a very regular basis.
Last edited by catfan; 11/13/0708:49 PM.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Me:46 Her:40 Daughter:7 She Dropped Bomb:10/7/07 She Filed Papers w/State:10/30/07 I Left Home:11/11/07 I Moved Back In:11/13/07 My Outlook: I want nothing more than a future together and will do whatever it takes. Her Outlook: Been too long coming, I'm done.
Join the club. I refused to even consider moving out. She moved into guest room.
I discovered her active PA in Aug. and opened a separate bank account, withdrew 90% of funds from previous acct., cancelled joint cc's, took over all finances, only give her $ when she asks real nice. I even do all the shopping, drive her car to fill it up, etc.
She finally started working a bit to have some spending money.
I am completely nice to her and rarely mention anything R related, last time was in Sept. when she figured out that I had taken over the finances. She wanted an allowance, I told her to file for D if she wanted alimony from me. She refused!
Maybe none of this is DBing, but I have my sanity, live with my kids in my house, and maybe, just maybe, there is a chance that someday we will be able to address all of the cr@p that is wrong between us. If not, then in the meantime, I have a lot to be thankful for!
You do NOT have to give in to your WAW's ridiculous demands. Stand up for yourself and reclaim your manhood. Worst case is that you get rid of this crazy woman a bit quicker than otherwise. Best case is that she suddenly has a lot more respect for you...which could eventually lead to attraction!
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Thanks to all for taking the time to read and respond. I don't know how to say this but in a weird way it is comforting to know that I am not the only one going thro this right now. Thanks to Michele and DB for having such a great website that enables us all to connect, console and advise each other.
I'm favoring the option of me moving into the 1 BR apt down the street from the family house. W knows I am not happy with this sitch but she acknowledges it. W and I both have experienced first hand, acrimonious D and post D sitch's w/her 1st husband and know how we don't want to behave.
If you want to stay married, I strongly suggest Michele's book and the last resort technique. It's most likely your only chance for saving the marriage.
There are something like 200 pages in the book, and only around 5 of them are related to the "last resort technique". Read the rest of them!
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Our situations sound very similar and it certainly stinks, doesn't it? I am still torn over what course of action to take and still mulling the options. My W also says she's done with being married (to me) as well so we could stop pretending and I could move back in which would probably hasten any D proceedings - which for now we've decided to wait on. I'm still waiting to receive my copy of DB (Amazon says it has shippd) so have not started anything yet. I don't want throw in the towel too soon, even if W right now is saying she's done, so am inclined to keep peace for now and stay in the aptment down the street.
What is your D telling you? How close are you (your only child right?) I'll be honest, since I travel a lot w/my job my S is used to me being the one away. Also boys are often closer w/their mothers and my S is. However, Ds are often closer w/their fathers. Is D asking when you are coming back? telling you she misses you tucking her in at night etc? Also, do u think ur W is bad-mouthing u? Mine is not and that is our agreed code of conduct. If ur's is then it makes it harder.
At the moment my W is not committed to try to save our M - but based on what I read on this website and talking w/others, maybe she will change. However, am I fooling myself and how long should I remain in this limbo situation? I imagine u r feeling similar.
