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Grace ... you are right, why do I worry about what others think. Why am I standing? *Because I do think that I had a good marriage (perfect no, but good). Because I took my commitment to my marriage seriously and I believe "in sickness and in health". Because I think my children deserve to have one intact family. My hope is that my marriage will be restored so that my children can see for themselves that commitment is not a bad thing. I stand because I love him and I loved being married.

Nutcase

I told my friend early on, that I was standing, and they didn't even know what that meant

I showed them this.

A Standers Affirmation
I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.

- Author Unknown


They were like OMG I didn't even know this existed. And are you crazy? I said yup, and they said Ok if you stand we stand.

And they stood with me for a long time.

You stand for as long as you can. And we will be here to back you up when you loose your footing.

Nutcase (BTW, you sound like the opposite of a nutcase...what would that be? Not-So-Nutty?),

One thing I learned as I tried to understand things my W said when we were separated: Sometimes I think we give our spouses to much "credit" for things they say. As if they are well thought out notions that provide insight into their deepest held beliefs. Sometimes they (just like us) say things that cross their minds...and they may feel differently and believe differently momemts later. After my W and I reconciled and I began to deal with MY trust issues...I asked my W why I should believe her now when she says "I Love You"...even though I got the "I Never Loved You" line during our separation. Her answer? I said that because I was hurting. So, stay steady, Nutty! You are thinking FAR more clearly than your husband right now. Just give him the grace, space, and love he needs to complete his journey (as it appears you are doing). I agree with our other dear DB friends here about the HOPE in your sitch. Keep standing, sister!

Faithful .... just popped in during my lunch. You made me LOL, I rather like "not so nutty". I think the people outside my office door probably would agree with the "nutcase" laughing in her office all by herself!

I guess I am in this for the long haul. Thank you for reminding me that at this point in time, I am probably the most sane. He sure does test my sanity at times ... I really don't have much tongue left since I have to bite it all the time. One of my biggest challenges is keeping my lips zipped.

Not-so-nutty (I like that too FH), Lissie gave you the standers affirmation that I keep with me in my journal so I can review it as often as I need to. Lis is an incredible stander and still stands for M. Lis, we love you!

NSN (the artist formerly known as nutcase), I am very proud of what you are doing. I understand your shock to hear your H say that about M. My W made an almost identical comment that she didn't believe that M was meant to last and felt that way as she walked down the aisle to say "I do". I know for a fact that is not how she felt back then because of our conversations about M before we got married. She knew what she was doing and she did believe in M lasting a lifetime. Your H has to convince himself that he doesn't believe in M otherwise he is conflicted.

Listen to a song by a country group (Rascal Flatts) called "Stand". It is an incredible song.

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright

[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

[Repeat Chorus]

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place

AWWW that was really sweet lovey

But I no longer stand.

But I will help a stander when I can.

And that is standing for marriage, Lis! You are awesome!

I had to add Lis, that of all the people on the board, I am not sure if anyone understands quite like I do what you have gone through with Puffy. Puffy is the same as my father. My mother still loves my father, 25 years after she could not take him anymore because he was an adulterer and did not take care of his family. He put himself first always. My mother thought she quit loving my dad but she realized years later that wasn't the case. He died 10 years ago this January at the young age of 61. He never changed even when she gave him multiple chances to do so. If he would've changed, I know my mom would have opened up her arms to him. But he didn't and he was not healthy to have around. In fact, somewhat dangerous. I love my dad and I miss him but he never cared about anyone more than himself.

So Lis, people have to stand for their marriage in different ways and protect their heart like my mom did. I see so much strength in you Lis. I see you standing for Moises and Mia.

Sorry, not-so-nutty, for hijacking your thread.

Thank you

You are very good to me.

I have learned so much thru our emails.

Your un wavering faith has helped me at those time I have felt punched in my stomach.

puffy is not the worse mlcer, and he is not the best

It is not about him anymore, it is about helping my kids have the best life possible

and you help me with that.

B/c of what you went thru and b/c God put you in my path for a reason.

a 9th brother, it couldn't get any better.

Love you so much lovey

You are all awesome!!!

MMF, OMGosh, country music ... maybe I can be converted. I will download the song tonight.

Lissie, I am cutting and pasting now ... I need to read this when I am doubting myself ... which is actually right now!

I need to dash and hopefully will get back later tonight ... but I wanted to say thanks to you all for the encouragement.

Nutcase - Country music you either like it or you don't, I think. . . . You courage and composure is wonderful, and I hope your h wakes up and realises what he might have lost.

A