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California. You?

If you do find contact be prepared and use it to only set the boundries that you need for you.

For example, you could say, H I have proof that you are still in contact and I will not have you here with me as long as this continues. When you are prepared to really start working on this R let me know , i might still be willing to invest in it.

JAK

I am sad right now. I know we are not supposed to let WAS's moods and the rollercoaster get to us but its hard today.

He really hasn't done anything to make me mad. He just sort of changed again. Sure, he still checks in with a few text messages through the day, but since Sunday has made no effort to see me or spend any time with me. I haven't seen him since Sunday. Yes, I was gone with my daughter most of yesterday and last night but not Monday and not at all today. We both have our kids starting today for the next few days so I wonder when I will even see him again. Maybe the weekend.

Makes me wonder if he is hiding something or just wants to be a loner. I know OW hasn't been around and I also know that my exdh loves time to himself. This just really bugs me. I haven't made any mention of coming over or seeing eachother like I would normally do as I wanted to see what kind of effort he would put in...I guess nothing.

How do two people work on stuff when they don't even see eachother except when there is nothing better to do?

It is understandable that you are sad. You will have those days but, You can not let what XH does or does not do effect your efforts at DBing. You need to find ways to fill your life for YOU and your children.

I suggest letting him have his space. Did you think also that he might be waiting to see if you will come running to him. Don't do it. Stand your ground and make it so he wants to come to you. Stay dark. Just be pleasant but don't be needy and pursuing.

Remember what DR book says in that one person can work on the R. One person can create change in the other without Trying to change them.
Trying to change someone does not work. But by changing you you can possibally create change in him.

JAK

With my dh it could be many reasons why he acts this way.

He does like being alone at times. But to me that is not normal to want your family sometimes and not others. He really can't even deal with his own kids when they are with him 2 or 3 nights a week and seem relieved when they go to a friends house instead.

He is also dead set on maintaining his independence. He would say in the beginning that he refuses to move quickly with all of this. I don't know if that is so he can cake eat or if its for really good reasons.

He sent some texts telling me goodnight and that he loves the baby. No ILY to me. I was cheery in my response, but was sad inside.

Guess he is happy just being a part time dad and family guy.

Why did you even respond? You don't need to respond to every text or call, especially if they don't contain positive things in them.
It sounds like he is trying to get to you.

Trying to maintain some sort of independance is fine as we don't want to loose who we are. Men also need there time in the cave but, the fact that he "can't deal" with his children tells me he has a lot of growing up to do IMO.

Stay dark and don't let him know that you are sad. ACT AS IF you are fine on your own.

JAK

WAS are a different species! They arent even real.

I went to stepdaughters volleyball game. exdh was kind and sweet, friendly. After it was over I had to pick up my son and do some things and he went off with his kids saying he would call me later.

I arrived home about a couple of hours later and he was here. He was getting the baby's room ready to paint and putting the first coat of primer on.

I don't get it. He has pretty much been MIA all week and now he is painting the baby's room. As soon as he was done we chatted for about 15 minutes and he left.

I did make a slip and commmented it was nice to see him. As soon as I said it I wished I could take it back. He just said we will spend time together this weekend.

I think he can live this way forever.

Thats up to you So2, weather he is allowed to or not.

JAK

My buddy (dh) called a few times today. We talked about Thanksgiving details. We are having his family here. Should be fun.

I guess its things like this that leave me shaking my head. He wants us to do holidays together, prepare my house for this baby, spend some time together and then BOOM! Back to not making this R a priority.

His last call a few minutes ago consisted of him telling me what a busy night he had ahead with his kids. One was going to a friends and the other was having a friend spend the night. No mention of spending time together. It would have been nice for him to have his daughter and her friend here with him, but he wants to stay home. At least he isn't inviting the friend here and then leaving to be alone by himself.

Its like we are being back to buddies. When, if ever, am I going to be a priority?

Why are you answering every call?

He knows you will be there no matter what so he is allowed to act like this. he doesn't have to grow up because you are allowing him to stay the selfish child he is. HE IS CAKE EATING....

jak