Keep at it, one step at a time. It does get easier, though there are still plenty of ups and downs. I've been separated for six months, and W is depressed as can be as far as I can tell. I'm there for her if she needs me, but the key is not to get too excited by the peaks out of the tunnel. My W has done this recently, and I'm taking it in stride. You must get to a point where the ups and downs start to even out a bit more. The ups don't get you as far up, and the downs don't bring you down as much as they used to. At least that's my case, and I think it's key to getting through this. Keep working on yourself, and finding ways to create your own happiness each day. That's all any of us can do, and if we don't do it we will be a wreck.
Thanks for the support. Had a friendly chat on phone last night -- and then I waited for no good reason for some kind of text message, which has happened some over the last week. When it did not come I was disappointed - again for no good reason. Fighting the urge to check in this morning but think I have it under control.
After reading here I believe that my WAW is in MLC
I will be up front with you. I don't like a quick jump to MLC. I have looked at those MLC questionnaires and it is just too easy to make the leap. Also, I see people here blaming MLC and I can see that thier spouse are the same, old people they always have been. The other problem is that it keep you from really looking at yourself. If she is in MLC, she is nuts. She doesn't know what she is doing. So with that, you never really get to find the root cause. And having been to the lowest place only to return, I still found out things about myself years later.
In regards to the resume, she reacted poorly. I don;t know why she couldn't just say no, but tyhen, it was probably taken as you setting her up. Let it go.
Now, to the big thing. How do you really expect to heal a marriage when you are five states away? What can you do about this?
I actually thought this long before I came here. She almost confessed -- married too young, need to evaluate where I want to be versus where I am, etc. I have cetainly come to understand my contribution to our problems.
The distance is indeed the big question. I had to get a new job, and we both knew this. The problem was this was the best job and really the only one that I could afford to take for financial reasons. At this point in time there is really nothing I can do about it.
We were separated living in the same house, and I was paid out of my contract so we were both home all the time. This really made our problems worse. I was trying to fix our marriage and she was needing space.
You may be right that MLC is not the problem, it all just seems to fit. Perhaps too neatly!
I have seen all of these MLC things and of one thing I am certain, it is the way you live your life that makes a difference.
What were your contributions to your problems? Do you realize that without distance, you might be misdiagnosing? Also, if the job is the only one you could afford for financial reasons, doesn't the cost of children flying back and forth dig into the benefits, i.e. how much are you really ahead?
Hi - try reading Amy C's recent post on Darboyd5's current thread [not the one on books on MLC, the other one. It is likely about to lock, as it is very long]
Amy had a MLC and now writes with insight about it from the other side . . .she posted it yesterday so it is around page 23/24 of D's thread [I think] Anyways a very long post that makes sobering reading if you suspect MLC.
Like IMP I don't think every case of WAS is MLC, but I do believe that MLC exists . . . and when it is MLC then the road is long and hard, with no certainties.
