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I know this feeling. I've been there. Sometimes, I think that I married the wrong person. But then I think about all the GOOD things we have together. No couple is perfect. Every R has it's problems. For example, you could look at a couple that seems to get along great, treat each other with respect, have a nice family, but there is no passion or chemistry. Then you could have a couple that can't keep their hands off each other, but they fight like cats and dogs. Every R has something.

Hang in there. I know how you feel.

True. So true. Every road has its bumps. Thanks for validating. I truly don't think I made a bad choice in marrying him. If it was wrong, I would have known it. It's just heartbreaking to be dealing with this sitch when it should have been different. But, I believe challenges come into our lives to provide opportunities for us to learn and grow and change...and I am glad that I have and will continue to become better through all this.

Just so I don't hijack your thread Peace, here's the low down on what's coming up in my sitch:

H let me know the other morning that the work trip he's been putting off for several months will likely begin this weekend. Our agreement when he moved home in April was that there would be no more traveling alone, but reality is that I just can't leave the kids...our families are all out of town or crazy busy, and there's no one to leave them with. H refuses to drag them along. Not that a week on the road with toddlers is super appealing to me either. H also refuses to find new employment.

So, last night we had a nice conversation...about a lot of things, all light topics. I mentioned that I don't think I'll be able to get away, he discussed his tentative itinerary and suggested that I fly down to meet him at some point in the trip so we can go do something fun.

I truly understand that he has to be his own boss and I can't follow behind him everywhere he goes. I couldn't resist asking if he'll be a good boy. He said, "Yes, I'll be a good boy." I felt so stupid after saying that, because, HELLO, the man can and has lied. Alot. I know I have to let this go. For me.

So, overall, I'm okay with him going, just trying to cope with the what-ifs again.

I hear ya!!! Our sitches have a lot of similarities. My H moved back last May and it's been a bumpy road since.

I think it's good that you're not going. You're not there to babysit him. He needs to not only be a good boy, but also a big boy. He needs to conduct himself in a mature and responsible way, and your being there might feel to him more like a watch dog, rather than a W. I don't know... just a guess.

So, we're both on our own next week. Let's encourage each other to do nice stuff FOR OURSELVES. THe time away from our H's will do us good... to give us time to stand on our own two feet without H around.

It's SO hard to let go... to let them go, but we must. Maybe your H can call you a little more often. Maybe he can go out of his way to reassure you he is where he says he is. Do you think he'll agree to doing some of that?

Thanks for the encouragement Peace. I agree about what H needs to do. What H will do...only he knows.

I'm not sure what he can/will do to reassure me. Last time he called me twenty times in one day to reassure me. He just didn't know that during those calls I was in a car, following behind him and OW...The more I think about that, the more I think the serious increase in call quantity was the tell. Guilt? Overdoing it? I guess we'll see how this goes.

Hmmm, what can we do for ourselves? I'm thinking I'll schedule a massage for next Friday. And go to bed early. And watch a chick flick in bed.

Hey Aud,
Checking in on you. Did your H leave for his trip?

As for what we can do for ourselves, you read my mind... I was thinking either a massage or a mani pedi.

And at least one of the nights, I plan to take a bath with some candles and a nice glass of red wine.

Watching a chick flick in bed is also one of my personal favs. Now, which movie to watch...

Hey Peace,

Thanks for checking in. H hasn't left yet...he really didn't seem to want to get out of bed yesterday. We went to church and he literally spent the rest of the day in bed resting and catching up on his TV shows. It was nice to just hang out and snuggle.

I think it's a good thing that he seems reluctant to leave...but maybe a bit scary too? Like he's avoiding going because he knows he's going to slip up? I guess I could wreck my week fretting over that thought or just take a deep breath and dive in to the mountain of work in this house.

I know well enough by now that the truth makes itself known and I'll be okay no matter what.

P.S. How are things going with your H's trip?

I was just stopping by to ask you the same. My H just left yesterday and so far so good. But I am still feeling a little uneasy.

How about you? Is your H going to a place where OW will be?

Same here. He left yesterday, I'm doing okay.

H is going to OW's area, with a likely stop in her town. He had me looking for hotels in a different town last night though, which is a good thing...in the past, he's always stayed in her area and driven up to the other town.

OW no longer works for H's company, and is "engaged"...according to H, he's friends with her and her fiance. BLECH. Stories, stories. So many of them have been truth with a good measure of BS thrown in. I guess we shall see, won't we?

So H called this morning, all hotels are full in the city he's working in...he booked one in OW's town for tomorrow night.

I said, "So you'll be staying in (her town)?"

He said, "Yeah. Is that okay?"

I said (with calm), "Does it matter?" (Thinking, really, not much I can do about it at this point.)

He said, "I haven't talked to her. She doesn't even know I'm here."

Sigh. I'm keeping my head above water so far. It's just so hard to keep all the lies from the past at bay, and not sure if it's smart to shut them out. I want to believe that he's past it with all my heart.