Quick follow-up: Is this type of behavior typical for these rebound relationships (which may have started as an affair)? Almost all of my ex's friends have more-or-less told her to take a hike. They don't agree with what she is doing and have told her that in one way or another. Her current circle of friends don't dare say anything to her or think that what she is doing is just fine. I can't imagine driving nearly two hours just to get laid. Do they complain about their ex-spouses in their new relationships? Is this a shoulder to lean on now that everyone else is sick of listening to her complain about me? How long do these things go on? Does one pull up stakes and move in with the other? It's all happened so fast, it's hard to believe. I know - lots of hypotheticals. Just trying to understand what's going on in her brain.
Been very dark for a while. Haven't heard a word from the ex. I emailed her a reminder that she owes me some money for bills and a note that the bill for our daughter's braces will be about $2300. Again no response. Don't know what's going on and, quite frankly, I am reaching a point where I don't care. Ran into a friend of hers over the wkd and she told me that my ex seems to be taking her anger out on everyone, with the exception of her newfound "enabler" friend. Someday, I'm assuming she will wake up from her fantasy - or maybe not. Anyway, I met a very nice woman over the wkd at a wedding reception. Just a brief conversation and shook her hand before I left. I don't know if I'm ready to date again or not. Don't know how you determine that. It was really nice to talk to a beautiful young woman and not think about me ex for a while.
Good for you on the flirting! Keep it up and maintain the PMA. I flirt with everyone, smile, and tell anyone who asks that I'm doing well. After a while, you start to believe it...
Don't worry about the ex. What goes around comes around...I would suggest not emailing her again, nor contacting her in any fashion. If it's a $ or legal issue, let your lawyer handle it. Also please refrain from hearing gossip about her...kindly tell the "friend" that you'd rather not hear about your ex, then change the subject to something cheerful, like the Red Sox kicking Colorado's arse.
Time will help you my friend...keep smiling and keep flirting. I have been rewarded tenfold by filling my karma cup.
Me - 46 She - 36 Daughter - 10 Married 10 yrs 1st Bomb Date 12/17/06 (Merry Christmas!) D Bomb in January (Happy New Year!) Every other week custody of D10 She has OM who helped her walk away Divorced 07/05/07
I tried calling the cute nurse that I met at the reception. No luck. I guess she has a boyfriend that she's trying to figure out. Anyway, I keep praying that God will point me in the right direction. I am keeping about2bedivorced's advice and really working on the karma thing. It does seem to be helping.
My ex still shows up to my daughter's b-ball practice, usually 15 minutes before quitting just to watch. Seems strange when I could just drop my daughter off at her house. I know I'm not supposed to gossip with her friends, but we have a mutual friend that really wants us to work things out. Her friend told me that my ex said that I look really good and seem to be very happy. Could there be a seed of doubt about the big D?? Also the kids tell her that I am the greatest. Could there be hope yet??? I still haven't had a direct conversation with her in over a month. She won't answer my calls (they have been strictly kid related). And seldom answers my emails (again kid related). And very seldom. Don't know what's going on with the OM. Also heard that her parents wouldn't even mind seeing us work things out. I just about died when I heard that one. Last I heard, I thought they wanted to see me drawn and quartered.
She made some legal threat that she would force me to refinance a rental property that we have in both our names. The divorce agreement only spelled out a title change, so I'm not sure what she can do???
Well...I know there are a million other beautiful women out there, but I still love my ex. I know that I will eventually move on with the right person, but I still really love her. I don't think she has any idea though. DBing right??
Sounds like you're doing well. Keep it up...keep flirting and lookin' good, cause it really is the best revenge!
Last night I went to my kid's field hockey awards banquet, and a lot of the single mom's made it a point to come sit with me or say hi. One even offered to bring me some cake...word gets out that a great dad is now single and the ladies are lookin' to den up for the winter. LOL
I would suggest taking a long break from contact with your ex. No emails or calls unless it's a TRUE kid related emergency. Give her some time to miss you, wonder about you, and create some mystery in her mind about you. Get out there and date too...just meeting a lady for coffee is great practice for later on. Yahoo personals is fun. I met my current gf there (and she's a high school classmate of mine!)
Stay strong!
Me - 46 She - 36 Daughter - 10 Married 10 yrs 1st Bomb Date 12/17/06 (Merry Christmas!) D Bomb in January (Happy New Year!) Every other week custody of D10 She has OM who helped her walk away Divorced 07/05/07
I've been sort of following your thread. Just when I think I should pop in here and give you some advice, someone else pops in here and gives you excellent advice.
I'm sorry you are hurting but you're not alone. We all are hurting to some degree...some more than others. We are in this together. I noticed in one of your posts, you posted your stats...age, kids, date of Bomb. I couldn't help notice that your stats are similar to mine except for the age. I'm now 50 :-) but I left my age alone just to show what age I was at the time of my divorce. I actually was 48 when I separated but I changed the age to reflect my divorce...I don't know why...sounds silly, I know. I'm now 50, so maybe, I'll add that at the bottom of my stats :-). Oh, and I don't have kids, well not of the human kind. I have 3 furry kids...all dogs.
It's ok to hurt and miss your XW. It's ok to think about her...after all, you all were married. I still miss my ex, and I think about him almost everyday. It's kind of hard not to...I'm living in the house we bought together. We spent years renovating, so every room has a memory of us renovating whether we were laughing or fighting. I would love nothing more than for him to call me and tell me what a huge mistake he made. I don't think I would remarry him, but I would love to have him back in my life as a committed companion. HOWEVER, it's not going to happen anytime soon, and I am finally ok with it. I no longer beat myself up about what could have been or what I could have done differently. I just live my life as fully as I can. I don't communicate with the ex unless he calls or e-mails first. Unfortunately, he still has to come over to pick up some things. In fact, he's coming over this week but I plan to be out of the house. My brother is going to be here.
Of course, this is just me, but two books really helped me get it together: The Law of Attraction (LOA) by Michael Losier and The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I now incorporate the LOA into my daily life, and I tell you, I am coping well. It could all be psychological...who knows? But whatever works, right?
Stop thinking about the day your ex realizes her mistake and comes back to you. If it happens, and you're open to give it another try, great! Only time will tell, but don't try to hurry time along. It only makes us miserable. In the meantime, keep doing what you're doing. I keep very busy visiting with friends even if it's just once a week. It gives me something to look forward to. I'm not done hurting...there are days, I can't stand it, but I allow myself a good cry, and then I repeat to myself, "You are doing great. You are getting through this. You are strong, and it's ok to feel sad sometimes." These are called "affirmations," which I learned in the Law of Attraction book.
Well, I hope you don't mind me "butting" in here. But we all care otherwise we wouldn't be here. Hang in there.
All my best, alamogirl
Me - 48 (at time of 1st bomb) H - 43 married - 16 Jul 94 no children 1st bomb - (said he was leaving) - 3 Jun 06 2nd bomb (said he was ready to file) - 10 Nov 06 H filed divorce - 17 Nov 06 Divorce finalized - 20 Jul 07
Thanks Alamo Girl. I don't think there has been 5 minutes in the last 15 months that I haven't thought about my ex. I think I've said it in a previous post, but she was and still is a really beautiful woman (physically and emotionally). I can still say that after how mean she has been to me. This is a great community of people and the advice has been a huge part of the healing. I will get the books you recommended. I have been so busy with my house project - I'm remodeling a home that was built in 1890. Needs lots of work and I need to stay really busy to keep my mind from wondering.
I met a former co-worker a few weeks ago at a wedding reception and he said to me after hearing about my divorce "no one can help you forget the last one like the next one". That bit of advice is a really hard pill to swallow right now. I feel like a lot of people I have known over the years are looking at me in a different way now (a good way) and it is because of how I have grown through this awful process.
Also, I read a lot about people (including myself) who want to know about statistical data regarding divorce or a walk-away-spouse where there is reconciliation. From what I have learned almost all of the people I have spoken with have had their ex-spouses try to get back together. My friends (who were men and were the dumpees) didn't want to reconcile after they got their lives together. Right now, I hope that doesn't happen to me. Only time will tell.
Thanks again for chiming in. You're always welcome. I haven't posted much on other threads, because I don't feel like I have a lot of advice to give other than "I know how you feel - like crap".
