Of course you care and you will continue to care. But you need to take a look at yourself. Do you want THAT marriage back? The marriage that has left her feeling unfulfilled and you feeling that it is all you have?
The answer really should be no - like you said, you want to start over. Start as if you have both died and are going to get a fresh chance.
You cannot change your wife and therefore you need to look inside yourself. You've already said that you deserve better. That's a good start:
Why do you deserve better and what would "better" be? What do YOU want out of a relationship? What do you want out of YOUR life? etc.
Now, what do YOU need to do to obtain these goals?
How do we both start over when I am the only one that wants to stay married. Grantit we both have changed. I really do want a fresh start but I have to make that happen. I know that I can not change her, I just want to show her that things can be different. I deserve better because I am a generious, caring, thoughtful, faithful loving husband, yes I have made mistake, we all do. I would anything for another chance with my wife and to start a new marriage. What do I want out of a relationship? I want my relationship to be honest, open. To be able to talk and discuss anything. I want to share all of the love I have with someone and want them to do the same. Someone that knows that we can work out problems. I do not want to be lied to anymore. What do I want out of life? I want someone to share my life with me. Someone to start a family with. Someone to share my hopes and dreams.
My W wanted me to file.. my W wanted me to move out.
You know what... I didn't do any of those things because it wasn't what I wanted.
I simply told her "I'm not ready to call it quits... if you are then that's fine."
She is ready to call it quits. She will be filing and she will want me to sign. But I am really not ready. But I know I will get if you loved me then you would want me to be happy again. I do love her but Im just not at that point yet. I mean I still want a relationship with her, married or Divorced and Im afraid that if I do not sign the papers then I will not have that relationship.
My W wanted me to file.. my W wanted me to move out.
You know what... I didn't do any of those things because it wasn't what I wanted.
I simply told her "I'm not ready to call it quits... if you are then that's fine."
bump this up....
She is ready to call it quits. She will be filing and she will want me to sign. But I am really not ready. But I know I will get if you loved me then you would want me to be happy again. I do love her but Im just not at that point yet. I mean I still want a relationship with her, married or Divorced and Im afraid that if I do not sign the papers then I will not have that relationship.
I asked her last week that I needed to talk to her and if I can come up to talk to her..She said no because she had to work all weekend. Well it looks like she lied again. She stayed in a hotel near Cleveland and she also purchased a plane ticket, It says Tulsa, Ok but not sure if that is where she plans to go..I found this out because she used our joint checking acct to pay for everything. She did put money in the acct though. Should I confront her about this or just let it go???
okay, so we are suppose to have our "talk" this weekend and I am so nervous and still dont know what I am going to say..
Why are you still searching for the "magic words" that are going to make a difference? I know why you are nervous and you know why you are nervous. Deep down you know that whatever you say is not going to give you the end result you desperately hope it will. Deep down you know exactly what she is going to say that you won't want to hear. And yet you ignore this and continue down a path that does no good.
What about your actions? What are you doing to counter what perceptions she has of you? Can you honestly say that you are someone that any woman would be crazy to leave? DO NOT take what I am saying as harsh. I am merely trying to stimulate some thought on your part. I'm not seeing you doing any work on you. Have you a plan?
Yep... you've been going down a cheeseless tunnel for a long time.
I'm in sales... I think what you need here is a "call plan" what do you want from this "meeting"? Please think logical.. you are not going to make or break the M with this meeting. What do you want? Do you want her to reconsider?
Think about it from her perspective as well. Like singleagain says.. who do you see when you look at yourself through her eyes?
Me personally... I want my W to see some bad @$$ mofo that don't take any crap from anyone including her. I also want her to go "Damn... he's hot.. what am I doing?"
ok, what do you want to get out of the conversation? tal
I really dont want the D but she does, I have stated what I am going to say above but that implies that i'm no longer going to try and save my M. I really dont know what I want out of this "talk". I mean besides the obivious..
Originally Posted By: SingleAgain
Why are you still searching for the "magic words" that are going to make a difference? I know why you are nervous and you know why you are nervous. Deep down you know that whatever you say is not going to give you the end result you desperately hope it will. Deep down you know exactly what she is going to say that you won't want to hear. And yet you ignore this and continue down a path that does no good.
I know what I am doing and I need to stop it. I have all of these things that I want to tell her but it wont matter and she will not want to hear them. So do you think if I tell her "I’m still working on getting to the place where you are right now. I’m going to need some time to digest all of this. I’ve though it over. You know this isn’t what I want, but I want you to be happy even if it is without me, so I’ll sign the papers. I’m sorry that things came to this and I wish it could have been different. I am not going to say that I will always love you because I don’t know if I will after what has happened", how do you think she will take that? She is telling everyone that I just need to accept it and get over her..I need to move on..
Originally Posted By: SingleAgain
What about your actions? What are you doing to counter what perceptions she has of you? Can you honestly say that you are someone that any woman would be crazy to leave? DO NOT take what I am saying as harsh. I am merely trying to stimulate some thought on your part. I'm not seeing you doing any work on you. Have you a plan?
Well, there for a while I was pressuring her, asking for reassurance, kept pursuing her. Then I stopped. But then last week I confronted the guys who she had the PA with and he told her that I contacted him and she was pissed at me..She always denied that anything happen but I know for a fact that something did and I just wanted to hear it from him. so I know that screwed up there. Since then I have not heard a word from her.I know no idea what her perceptions are of, maybe that I just need to stop being a wimp and leave me alone and move on..?? At times I can say that any woman would be crazy to leave me and other times I can say that why would any woman want to be with me? I have been working on myself, I read alot about communication (which I really didnt do a whole lot of when we were together). I want to be able to talk openly and carry on a meaningful conversation. I have been working out everynight, going back to school. I have been having some fun, going out with friends to bars, clubs and parties. Right now I have no plan, other than to say what I posted above..What kind of plan should I have??
Originally Posted By: jarhead
Yep... you've been going down a cheeseless tunnel for a long time.
I'm in sales... I think what you need here is a "call plan" what do you want from this "meeting"? Please think logical.. you are not going to make or break the M with this meeting. What do you want? Do you want her to reconsider?
At first I wanted her to know that she really hurt me and I can forgive her for what she did, I wanted another chance, to start over..a fresh start. Yes I wanted her to reconsider. I want her and I do not want a D. She knows this..but does not like to hear it.
Originally Posted By: jarhead
Think about it from her perspective as well. Like singleagain says.. who do you see when you look at yourself through her eyes?
Me personally... I want my W to see some bad @$$ mofo that don't take any crap from anyone including her. I also want her to go "Damn... he's hot.. what am I doing?"
That's what you want!! DO IT!!!
Again, at times when I look in the mirror I see a broken, hurt man who can not believe this is happening. THen at times, I see a good looking guys who would make any woman happy to be with him and that any woman would be stupid to leave him. I really dont know what she would see when she looks at me...I want her to see me and say this is a great guy, he is smart, funny, someone who I can really talk to, who is a good dresser, treats woman with respect and honesty, who does not rely on other people for things, no longer lets people walk all over him, stands up for himself and I want her to say Damn he is soo hot and I would be stupid to leave him..
