Hi everyone....I am a WAS/MLC survivor....my H has been home 3 months. He says repeatedly says he loves me..hes home for good.....this is where he wants to be.
Uhmmmm... i looked at septs cell bill...29 calls to OW...when presented with that there was no denial. He said letting go was harder than he thought. When asked about seeing her...he said 5-6 times...which i know translates into a dozen or so.
he owns the apt OW is in.....his best friend ..who helped H work thu this and find his way home lives across the street.....h was secretive enuff to meet her somewhere besides the apt so his friend wouldnt know either.
This OW is 25...H is 50.....affair was yr +..replay at its finest. She wanted a mealticket to leave her H and low class town. Droped her H ..D final in 2 months! so left everything for H. He supported her during the affair...she lived rent free for a good part of it. he moved in with her...well he put them both into a posh apt. that was for about 6-7 months then he showed up asking to come home
so she is stuck in that apt he has no legal recourse to evict her..he says the rent is going up from $400 to $650 nov 1st....i hope.
so after a calm happy 3 months ..im now back to anxiety attacks and xanax....im panicked by this contact though he maintains he will end this. he maintains he loves me ..this is where he wants to be.....but im scared....i dont want to give him an ultimatum...he has to want to end contact.....who of you have gone thru this?????
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
hey there, sorry you are in this position))))) It is very very hard for them to end it w the ow, now your H feels responsible for her, so it is mostly out of duty and not out of love that he hasn t severed all contact. That said, it doesnt' make it any less wrong that he still talks to her and even sees her. Because of the appt it will be much harder to break all contact. Are you seing a MC? sometimes a third party is needed to show the involved S what needs to be done. Perhaps not an ultimatum but a timeline is needed, ask him to involve you in the appt. deal, the ow must know that you two are a united front. I think you at least have the right to ask him to stop seeing her and if he must talk to her you must be present.
Hope others have better ideas, wish you the best)))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
2moro, Put your focus on increasing the connection in your M. Think of the OW as a weed that can't grow if the lawn is healthy. The power is on your side.
How is the connection in your M?
If he's been home for three months, you have something to work with. I agree that an ultimatum is premature. Ultimatums unless well planned are more about impatience.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
well i thought the connection was good....hes home everynite....i fix dinner..we are together....he just doesnt want to talk about it.....but hes quick to be concerned anytime i appear down. He repeatedly says this is hwere he wants to be married to me his wife. I see the love in his eyes....not the alien.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
in what? He seems committed to the M but stuck....he cant let go of OW. so what do you mean by stuck? he will have a day or two where he might seem not as quite lovey dovey but there is always ILY,s just a few days ago last week as we walked into the house he looked at our welcome matt that said "the Swans" he takes my hand and says "see thats US!" He says everything is going to be ok.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
he loves his new job.....we have a huge debt issue partially because of MLC and we were in debt before he left.....i just got a full time job...he seems happy because it will help with bills...he has been such a calmer more relaxed less angry person thatn he was pre-MLC. And he looks nothing like the alien
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
my new job starts next week...i should like it its my field of expertise.....since H came home I have had a good balance of riding my horses and being a better more attentive wife....my short coming before. H has some money coming in that will help alot of our CC debt me working will help pay bills while he can work on debt a win win thing.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
