Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? There and Back #12

She won't respect him, cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.

yeah, well, time will tell. honestly, I think they have a pretty co-dependent relationship that will last for quite a while. but who knows. I've been wrong before...I though H would never cheat, we would be together forever. really, when you look at my track record, I'm not all that accurate.

'morning all. did you all remember to turn your clocks back?

I did pretty good, sleep wise. woke up around 5:30 but was able to get back to sleep for an hour. need to motivate and head to the gym and grocery store before the kids get back home...will leave shortly. then will get going on the basement again. hey, my life may be falling apart around me, but dammit, at least everything else will be nice and organized. lol. I swear its like nesting when you are pg. just and urge I can't seem to fight, and makes everything clean/tidy before your new life starts.

not much else going on. just popping on to say hi and good morning to all.

Good morning Morgan,

I have to work today, so I had to make sure my clock was set.

That "nesting" your doing isn't unique. My stbx and I are still separating all our stuff. I'm still missing tools that she said are no longer in the garage. She said she is missing some items that I may have accidentally boxed up for which I can't find. It's really a chore to reorganize after separation/divorce. You never really realize how intertwined your lives were not to mention all the "junk" you accumulated.

You know, that co-dependency is a double-edged sword. Now that I've learned more about what co-dependency is and what it looks like, I think my stbx possessed a lot of those traits. Look at them, they go from being married to a new OM/OW without missing a beat. They didn't take the time to discover what they really want out of life or what truly makes them happy. Sooner or later they have to come to terms with who they are and what they really want out of life. It may not be each other as they imagined.

Hey, have a fun Sunday... GO BROWNS!!! GO PATS!!!!

yeah, its funny, everyone seems to go thru it in some manner or other. I did some of it in the spring and early in the summer...rearranged furniture, purged some stuff in the basement. it was great. after h moved out, it slowed down a bit...just some here and there, then I got busy and stopped. now I'm ready to start up again. i'm not really dividing our stuff yet...mostly reorganzing, going thru baby stuff and dividing it out as to where it is going, that kind of thing. when I decorate for christmas in a month, I will do some dividing out then...he has some ornaments and such from childhood I'm sure he will want, if not this year, then next year.

a lot of what I am doing is purging old files, and reorganizing the ones that are to be saved. everything in its place and all that. plus using my shredder is fun!

well, back from the grocery store and off to the gym.

whatever on the football (hey, there's a silver lining, no football!)

ugh.

as for the co-dependency thing, h and I are both guilty of it. I, on the other hand, recognize and am working to end that path of life. he and ow are clinging as good as two co-dependents can. it could work out for them for life, who knows. or it could end. it really has nothing to do with me at this point, except as to how it affects my children. Honestly, yeah, I'd prefer her not to be in my life, which she will be if they stay together. but nothing I can control or influence, so stepping back from it and not going there any more.

That does sound cruel. It is not even the same if and when you start seeing someone new because you are the one to help save your marriage and you are the one who is a mother first. Well, good for you actually. These are very admirable things.

I will try to get back onto Fly Lady because I am the opposite of you. I am not organized and I really need a secretary. I am not sure what to do with all of my daughter's stuff. There was the gift war between all the grandparents and now she has traditional dresses from many countries. My beautiful kids are mixed culture with maybe 4-6 ethnicities so now she has all this stuff from these countries. I feel like I cannot sell it. Sadly, I was hoping to have another baby. Right about now actually since my son is almost 3!!

Our stuf really is intertwined. Even the Halloween decor. We do Dias De Los Muertos and we have a skeleton for each of us and some relatives, I did not hang up my H's this year. I only put out three of everything. three pumpkins, three broomsticks, three dancing skeletons. That reminded me of yur new Christmas photo, new traditions. We are a family of three and we will have fun and be happy. maybe someday we will be four or even five???

hey morgan, LOL our lives falling down around us, but darnit, we're organized and our houses are clean. In a psychologists eyes, they would probably mention something about a feeling of needing control in this world/life that we have little control. Glad you are feeling good about it.

no flylady lover here. I know a lot of people swear by her, and I do like the clean sink theory, but I just don't like the rest of it for some reason. oh, and I'm not the most organized person on earth, which is why I am doing it now. hopefully I'll get myself all sorted out and then just keep up with it. easier to just keep up with it than do it in big doses like I am doing. but feels like I'm really accomplishing stuff by going at it right now.

I have just found a box of letters and such from 1986. omg, that's over 20 years ago. that is scary, to realize how long ago that was. included a lot of stuff between my florida friend and I....long, newsy letters full of our first loves and such. I even found a poem I wrote about my college boyfriend. omg. hey, memories of when things were good, of the start of romance, and love, and all that stuff, so its been kind of fun. I'm pitching most of it, though...I am such a pack rat, I save way too much. I found the text for the computer programming class I took in '88. omg, talk about outdated! very funny.

H has come and gone. I was downstairs in the basement when he brought the kids home. they found me easily enough, but he didn't come down for a while. finally did, and asked why I didn't come up to greet him. actually, more of a comment than a question. not snotty, just surprised. I was surprised he expected me to, but didn't show it...just said I figured you'd come down.

nothing really in the exchange, it wasn't hostile or even too weird. just noting it, for what its worth. other than that, he asked to take the paper. I said I haven't read it yet, so no, but I said he could take the sports page when he asked for that (seemed thrown off that I said no to the rest of the paper...I mean, dude, get a subscription at ow's house, or stop at the store and grag one). same with the entertainment weekly. we both love that mag, I usually read it first and leave them for him. maybe I should get him a subscription to her house from the kids for christmas. lol.

not much else to tell. (guys cover your eyes) my period is late so hey, maybe I'll have that proof ow is looking for. gag. no, I don't think I'm pg, just think I was under a lot of stress recently so hopefully that affected things. we weren't stupid when we did have sex a couple of weeks ago (well, we were stupid, but not insane), but still, nothing but abstinence is 100%, so ya never know. still, its tempting to pull out one of my old positive tests to f with h a bit. hehehe.

(you can tell I don't think I am pg because i can joke about it)

wow, I just got hit in the face. not literally, figuratively. time to end the basement stuff for a while. I was going thru a box of old memories...stuff from long ago. it was fun for a while, but then it wasn't...it just got awful. sweet stuff from old boyfriends, wonderful stuff from old friends. but the more I got into it, the sadder I got...memories of painful breakups (both with me ending the relationship or with the guy ending it). letters from friends about that and also about my fears about not having a career path. all of the things that I thought were so far behind me...all of those scary feelings of rejection and being lost at sea. I thought I would never feel that way again. I never did find a paying career that I loved, but I loved being a sahm and wife, and it was something my h loved about me, so it all just seemed to fit so perfectly, my life. and I knew I had found my love in my h, and it would last forever.

and now I am back in that same old place, the place I thought was decades behind me.

I closed the box and put it away. I'll deal with the rest of it another day, far in the future, when I can. just amazed at how sad I got, how overwhelmed I got.

I stepped away, went outside with the kids for a bit, chased away the ghosts and feel a bit better now.

ahh, well, its all fodder for therapy on thursday, right?

Morgan, I totally understand the feeling like you've been set back decades.

I have been having 'attacks' of feeling all alone in the world and thinking that I will ALWAYS be alone-and I literally thought to myself that this is how I felt 15 years ago and it's HORRIBLE. I am having flashbacks of remembering the terrible blind dates, the lonely nights...And it's the lonely nights of years ago- not the lonely nights of now. I can't really explain it, it's like I haven't actually progressed at all emotionally.

yuck.