HFF, You are smart to go shopping for a new MC. This one is marching you towards D. This is not the time to be resolving childhood issues. As you say, she can do that on her own with an IC. The MC needs to be present-oriented and working on changing patterns, and helping you two maintain civility and build connection, and restore the friendship.
Get away from this therapist.
I'm glad to hear you're getting stronger. This is essential so that you can have endurance for the road ahead.
It's still early in the game. Keep getting stronger.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
She has said in the past that what she really wants is time to herself and really doesn't want to be involved in any relationship. I know this is not the truth and that she feels as though the OG is her soulmate.
Wow, switch the genders here, and we are living the same life.
Quote:
I know her feelings for OG are still very strong and I wish the A had ended differently. My biggest fear is that we would be working through things and she would get another oppurtunity. I don't want to have that hanging over my back. I have a lot to offer and will focus on keeping my kids happy.
Wow again. OW supposedly ended contact and H was left hanging, still calls her constantly. I am fairly confident it has started up again but deep deep in the dark since she is (nice morals) 'working on her marriage' with her husband. Fools.
LWB, I've been following your posts. I agree about how similar the situations are. Maybe the spouses should get together. I'm sure they'd make each other miserable.
How ya doing? Hey guy I have had my ups and downs. Sounds like you are at a real down right now. Did you ever hear the best time to sell a car is when you don't need to sell it? You have all of the time in the world. You can ask anything you want for it. Well if you are ready for this then you also have all the time in the world. Work on yourself. "Build it and they will come". That is pretty much where I am. Build you life. Build on your attitude.
Stay strong guy
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Did you ever hear the best time to sell a car is when you don't need to sell it? You have all of the time in the world. You can ask anything you want for it. Well if you are ready for this then you also have all the time in the world. Work on yourself. "Build it and they will come". That is pretty much where I am. Build you life. Build on your attitude.
Husband, Still struggling with this. I can say that I'm done, but I don't think that I could be the one to file the paperwork at this point. In our discussion earlier this week I told her that she needed to get the ball rolling, and I had thought that it would be this week, but she still hasn't mentioned anything about talking to her lawyer again yet.
We've been sleeping in the same bed up to this point, but two nights ago, I shifted to the futon. We had had a bit of an arguement that night, so I think she expected that. Last night after I got ready for bed I started walking out of our BR and she seemed surprised that I was going to the futon again.
Also, earlier in the evening after we had dinner, W went into the bathroom for quite a while. Not that I always monitor her bathroom habits, but it looked like she had been crying when she came out. I don't like reading into things, but I'm wondering if my detachment is having some effect.
Having said that, even if she does start coming around, I don't know that I would take her back so quickly at this point. Once bitten, twice shy - twice bitten?? She'd have to work her butt off to convince me.
This sounds great to me. It seems you are at peace with the D if it happens. But you are not pushing for it. This is DBing dude. The ball is in her court now she needs to make the choice. And you have detached enough that you know she needs to work on getting back with you. I have been at this for almost a year now and I wish I was in your place. Enjoy this moment of calm.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Don't think I've mentioned this yet, but her rings are off again. Several weeks back she had started wearing them again, but her wedding band has been off for three days now.
Let's not go over the ring thing.I was back and forth on this No you can't let it bother you. My W takes hers off all of the time. I never noticed before all of this crap started. but when we go out she puts them back on. I had to go to court last monday and we had all this security to go though so I took all my rings off and left them at home. I have not put them back on yet. Not becasue I don't want to be married I just have not done it. It is nice not having them in the way sometimes. If it bothered my W and she said something I would put then back on.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Here's a question for everyone (probably know the answer just wanted to get some feedback)
Earlier this week, W and I had a long discussion where I told her I was tired of this limbo land situation. Told her that if she was convinced that her heart was set on divorce then we should start moving in that direction. I asked if she would talk to her lawyer this week and find out about mediation.
Week has come and gone and she hasn't brought up the lawyer topic. Maybe she's not really ready? How does it look if I've drawn a line in the sand and don't hold her to it? Do I lose credibility / respect? Should I just keep my mouth shut? Like I've said before, I'm okay with the outcome if it is D, but I still don't think I could do the filing myself at this point.
