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You'll get there hun. I know you will. We all will!

For some reason, this discussion today made me think of H's grandmother...his grandfather left her for OW 30 years ago, and she's never let it go. Never really picked up and moved on with her life--she still gets upset and frets over those events. They were devastating of course, there's no doubt. But to still be in pain 30 years later is the real tragedy, I believe.

Learning to look forward to the future, find and focus on the joy in our lives today, challenge the flashbacks that pull our attention into the pain of the past...these are the things that will distance us from that very pain and launch us forward to the possibility of a much better tomorrow.

((hugs))

AWWW

Mamma you are getting great support here (sniff)

it is hard right? but worth it.

Listen I think we need to take Mrs H out for emergency drinks

let's hook up

besos lovey

Aud,
That's horrible about your H's grandmother. You're right... that IS the tragedy. My SIL's mother was left for an OW and she kind of went crazy and now she's quite nutty -- 20 years later. No matter waht, that will NOT be me. Thanks for yoru support.

Lis,
Hey, I'm with ya. When? Let's do it.

PS, I found you! Huggggggs to you...you are moving along nicely!

Have an apple martini for me when you go out with MrsH and the gang!

(((peaceful spirit))) Welcome back to Piecing!

What LG said really hit me... if given the chance he'll never take that for granted again.

I think we are all reminding ourselves that if we are lucky enough to be here, as long as we live and love we'll be piecing. and Aud said:
"Learning to look forward to the future, find and focus on the joy in our lives today, challenge the flashbacks that pull our attention into the pain of the past...these are the things that will distance us from that very pain and launch us forward to the possibility of a much better tomorrow."

That's what we need to focus on.
I printed out Cat's 2X4. Doh! I coulda' had a V8.

It's so easy to fall into the trap of allowing their past behavior to dictate what we expect from them while we are asking them to believe in the changes we went through while they weren't even looking. They are watching now.

Bravery is trusting yourself despite everything else around you.
WE are all gonna make it. We don't have to trust people we can't control, because we can trust ourselves.

Happiness is for the brave.

WOW... whan an amazing group of people. Thank you all for the beautiful insights.

Between the MLC board that I was on for over a year and this one, it's just amazing how much support and love is around these boards.

RJ, you're local (sort of)... you need to come with us and have your own appletini!

Fortunately, the last few days have been much better than the days before that.

I started out the week with some bad DBing...for some reason (even though I know better), I was initiating R talks, being suspicious, checking the cell phone, etc... And I've been down this path before wehre i start doing these things, then H pulls away, then I start to resent him, he pulls away... etc... But this time, we managed not to let that happen.

Tuesday, which was the day after we had this big long talk about how I was feeling insecure and still having trouble trusting him, I sent him a TM saying, "I love you and I have faith in you. In case you were wondering". He wrote back, "Thanks. I love you, too".

The rest of the week was better. The other day, I initiated some playful banter (about sex), which then led to following through on the banter. So, that got us back onto good footing.

Last night, my parents picked up the kids for dinner and kept them overnight. So H and I went out for drinks and apps. Came home, went our separate ways for a few hours, then watched an hour of football (for him) and an hour of Gray's Anatomy(for me). Snuggled in bed for a bit this morning and talked about the things we want to do to the house.

I am finding that I have to stop myself from being suspicious adn asking lots of probing questions. Sometiems I don't even realize I'm doing it. I just need to be aware of my own behavior.

Anyway, it was a good few days.

I'm so glad! I love how you picked yourself up, brushed off the dust and got back to business!

I'm in the same boat with you. H is prepping to leave for a business trip this weekend...last time he went, he spent time with OW. I can't get away--no one to watch the kids, so I'm going to have to trust him on this one. Or just let it be anyway. Last night I asked if he is going to be a good boy. He said "Yes". Gah. Must. Have. Faith.

it is good you realize this, and I hope you work hard on stopping that behaviour, it is detrimental, even they dont' say anything they notice it and keep it for future reference

glad you got to have time alone with him

Cat,
The other thing that I know that my H notices is when I ask other questions to try to get at the real thing I want to know...if that makes any sense. He always knows when I'm fishing for something. But you are right... it is very damaging. And while it is no excuse for my H's behavior, I found that it was my beahving this way that drove H back to OW on numerous occasions when he was feeling like he could do nothing right in my eyes.

Aud,
You really don't have a choice but to let him go and trust him. We all need to try to realize that it's not our jobs to watch over them... they need to do that themselves. We are not their mothers. We are their partners. How long is your H going for? Mine is going from Monday to Thursday. I'm kind of looking forward to the alone time.