1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! 2. No frequent phone calls 3. Do not point out good points in marriage 4. Do not follow him around the house 5. Do not encourage talk about the future 6. Do not ask for help from family members 7. Do not ask for reassurances 8. Do not buy gifts 9. Do not schedule dates together 10. Do not spy on spouse 11. Do not say "I Love You" 12. Act as if you are moving on with your life 13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive 14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc. 15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words 16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his whereabouts, ASK NOTHING 17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse 18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he will be missing 19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him someone he would want to be around. 20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while) 21. Never lose your cool 22. Don't be overly enthusiastic 23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes their feelings stronger) 24. Be patient 25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you 26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out 27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil) 28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly 29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write 30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy 31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse 32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared 33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel 34. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes
You obviously don't want a D, and don't want it to be over, so why would you tell her that? Doesn't make any sense. If you read DB you'll remember that there is not a whole lot of certainty in what they say - Many of us have WAWs who change their needs from one day to the next. Last Friday my W told me that she never wanted anything to do with me, that she hated me and told me 'f-you'. Monday she told me that she loved me, she was proud of me for everything I had done recently and that I was a great father to our D. Just because it's wounded, you don't have to be the person to shoot it in the head.
Saying "I know you want the D..." sounds like a doormat. Tell her you need some time to adjust, you need some time to prepare and get yourself ready for the D. Don't encourage it, but don't stall it.
Okay, Im lost. Everyone told me to say my speech "I’m still working on getting to the place where you are right now. I’m going to need some time to digest all of this. I’ve though it over. You know this isn’t what I want, but I want you to be happy even if it is without me, so I’ll sign the papers. I’m sorry that things came to this and I wish it could have been different. I am not going to say that I will always love you because I don’t know if I will after what has happened"
I do not want a D and I dont want it to be over. I know that after I say whats above she will take it as I am ready to sign now. I told her that I am not ready to sign and she said, word for word, "I do not know how much Time I can give you. I want out and I will take this court if I have to!" So should I still tell her what I plan on telling her above or should I add something like I do not encourage this but I will not stand in your way??
