Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Is the ice melting?

Hi bruce,
My H and I were seperated for 6 months...he had an A...totally followed MLC stuff except for the timeline. We have been back together for 5 months and things are going very well. We seek counseling together and have started over both knowing that our M will never be the same.
My H initiated the whole R thing with me...I was shocked and wasn't sure how to proceed...so I let him to the talking, the asking to do things together and with the kids etc...
The one thing I have understood from him is that he began to miss me about 2 months before he said anything and he said he missed me more when he saw me GALing...he told me it drove him crazy and he always wondered about me...funny thing is when I started to GAL (not just faking it!!) I did not wonder about his every move.
Let the lack of invitation go...she may be afraid to move forward to quickly. Act as if it doesn't bother you...let her come to you...continuing to GAL for you is the best medicine!!

Bruce,

You said:
I think this was exactly right. You can make that statement and be detached. She asked. You answered. Perfect.

Don't try to see them anyway. Just go with the flow. Look at it this way. When you actually stood up for yourself, she cracked a little.

Exactly.

I didn;t save my marriage, but then, I didn't do what you are doing. Rome wasn't built in a day.

IMP

Hi InMyPlace....I'm looking for some feedback..perhaps a 2x4. Would you have the time to read the latest in my sitch?

Sure. It may be a while, but look for it in the morning.

thanks...btw it's morning here in Oz already! heh heh

Mom and IMP:

Thanks for your replies. Mom--I'm happy for you that things have gotten better. I wish you well in your journey and hope you and your H find joy together.

No dinner invitation from W, which I am not surprised over. She seemed to cycle down over the weekend, as far as I could tell. She was supposed to spend it with her parents, but she cut that trip short. If I'm correct about MLC, part of what she's dealing with now are issues from childhood, and maybe parents aren't who she really wants to see. Also, her parents have never much liked me, and so maybe they're pressuring her to dump me pronto and keep wondering why she hasn't filed yet. That's just speculation on my part, however.

On the other hand, she extended an invitation to go shopping with me early Saturday. She seems to want contact at some level, so I'll play along for now. After several months of near silence and no getting together, the last couple of weeks have signaled some type of change. Just what it means, I don't yet know. I'm still willing to work on us, though any road back, if there is one, will be long and hard for both of us. We each have some work to do to be better for each other.

Mom, I think you may be dead right about GAL. She knows some of my extensive involvement in my new church (which she wanted to attend but I "beat" her there after the separation), and how it makes me happy to have that connection. Both of us have yearned for that connection to community, so perhaps it's eating her up that I'm getting it and she's not. Just a guess.

Finally, last night she called me about something financial, and she mentioned again her vigorous exercise program. I told her I was really proud of her for all the psychological and physical discipline it took for her to stay on this path for the last six months. It's been great for her physically and emotionally. She replied "I know you've been working hard too" Well, my work is about emotional growth--as many have written on these boards, they do pay attention to all the things we do, even though there isn't much contact. My guess is she's still trying to sort through things. I need some things from her, too, so for now the dance goes on, albeit from a distance.

IMP--my fantasy football team is hanging by a thread at 3-6. How are you doing?