Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Just found out

Husband and theforlornhope, thank you. I am still trying to find out what is going to work. So far nothing has and Im afraid that its too late. I have been pressuring her to come back, persueing her, calling, emailing and texting her. I know that I need to stop that and distance myself.
It's hard for me right to to GAL because I am so depressed, but I have been trying to get out and to things. Counseling hasnt helped either.

okay so I have been pondering this for a while...I am thinking about telling my W that I have been a member of site after we have our talk. Do you think that is a bad idea? I see it this way, after our talk we are over so it doesnt really matter right?

Alright Buddy, I'm going to take the gloves off. You reek of desperation. Don't fool yourself into thinking she doesn't either. That is not attractive. Nothing you are doing is attractive. I see two options for you. 1)You are going to blow everything to hell by trying to slice the bread your own way or 2)you can begin to look at this logically rather than emotionally and get yourself together. Now choose.

[quote=SingleAgain
Alright Buddy, I'm going to take the gloves off. You reek of desperation. Don't fool yourself into thinking she doesn't either. That is not attractive. Nothing you are doing is attractive. I see two options for you. 1)You are going to blow everything to hell by trying to slice the bread your own way or 2)you can begin to look at this logically rather than emotionally and get yourself together. Now choose. [/quote]
I know that I am desperate and I am trying to stop acting like that. What do you mean when you say "Don't fool yourself into thinking she doesn't either". I want to be attractive to her again and I know what I am doing isnt helping. I would rather choose your second option..It's not about what I want anymore, she wants a D and then she should have it..Is this what you are saying?

I know that I am desperate and I am trying to stop acting like that. What do you mean when you say "Don't fool yourself into thinking she doesn't either". I want to be attractive to her again and I know what I am doing isnt helping. I would rather choose your second option..It's not about what I want anymore, she wants a D and then she should have it..Is this what you are saying?

another reason that i was going to tell her about this site is just to see if she will look. But just figured out something, I really dont care anymore about saving us. I do not deserve to be treated like this and I deserve better...although Im not going to lie I would love for us to be together again but right now I know that isnt going to happen and I dont care...maybe it's just this mood that I am in, I really dont know..

Okay I dont know what I was thinking so pay no attention to what I said above..

No NO.... that attitude is the RIGHT attitude to have.

You do deserve better... that is the true you starting to come out.

Now... really think about why you said those things. Make a list if you have to. NOT FOR HER... FOR YOU.

It will give you some perspective on things. This isn't all your fault. She is partly to blame as well. You should stop being a blubbering door mat for her.

She is losing something special in you. You are now starting to realize that. That is what will help you and possibly save you.

okay how do I keep this attitude and not give in to her sign the papers thing?? I know that is what she wants to hear from me. How do I not care but still care??

Of course you care and you will continue to care. But you need to take a look at yourself. Do you want THAT marriage back? The marriage that has left her feeling unfulfilled and you feeling that it is all you have?

The answer really should be no - like you said, you want to start over. Start as if you have both died and are going to get a fresh chance.

You cannot change your wife and therefore you need to look inside yourself. You've already said that you deserve better. That's a good start:

Why do you deserve better and what would "better" be?
What do YOU want out of a relationship?
What do you want out of YOUR life?
etc.

Now, what do YOU need to do to obtain these goals?

Agree with mcc.

My W wanted me to file.. my W wanted me to move out.

You know what... I didn't do any of those things because it wasn't what I wanted.

I simply told her "I'm not ready to call it quits... if you are then that's fine."