Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? KS Chick....

Friday night - date night

Received one more child support check in the mail yesterday - now we're just one month behind and hopefully the state will start the garnishment shortly...

Ex has been slowly moving his stuff out, smelling like a French whore and dressed up when he arrives.

On a personal note - my family is all getting sick. My aunt with the cancer - well it's still there, she's not doing great. I need to go see her but don't know if I "can".....

My uncle went into the hospital yesterday to have a growth removed from his throat - yep, cancer. They had to take his voicebox and he starts chemo soon.

My grandma went in to have a growth checked/biopsied as well and PRAISE GOD hers was benign.

The stress is taking me over.......I'm feeling it bring me down.

So ... some positives. Booted the ex-SIL out! Peanut is doing pretty good in school, her attitude is pretty good. She did ask me Sunday if I would take her dad back. I explained to her that #1, daddy has a new girlfriend so that's not possible and #2 I understood that she wanted us back together because I wanted that too for my parents, but that sometimes parents are better apart and that's how her dad and I are. Better parents apart. Or I"m a better mom w/o him around. Then she says she doesn't like that he sleeps with her :| .... I asked how she knew that...she said she asked and he said they do sometimes. IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

So there's me in a nutshell...

OK - I lied. I wanted to add one more thing. I feel like I'm somehow a bad person because I don't "care" more for my ex. I don't wish him harm, but something in me really did die and I don't miss him, don't wish to be with him, don't long for him........nothing. Is that normal? Am I defective?

You're not bad, April.

You are human.

And he's not leaving you much to care ABOUT.

Just don't forget that your little girl loves him.



Amy

I don't make him out to be bad to her. I'm a good girl

I know.

You know....for so long I fought. Lately I've been angry at myself for fighting for so long and hard for something that wasn't worth the effort.....Maybe I shouldn't post this here. God knows I don't want to discourage anyone. I do think that if I hadn't fought and done all I felt I could, that I would have regret now and I have none.

I question myself. Did I really love him? I am in a place now where I am happy now, the majority of the time. I have no desire to see him. I don't miss him. I certainly don't trust him. Maybe THAT is why I have these other feelings (or lack of) is because he's completely broken my trust. I guess now I really do know how he felt.

I remember him saying a part of him died or a part of his love for me. He couldn't really explain it but now I see it. I don't love him. I don't miss him. I am sad for my daughter. Sad because I really wanted to do things the right way. I wanted her to come from an in tact family.

I didn't realize I'd already posted about this feeling. I pray I'm not a bad person. My friends tell me I'm not. That I'm just over it. That I've worked through it.

He's still dragging his feet on getting everything out. I don't understand that either. I just want to be completely apart. I've heard and thought that he's putting it off because that is the final tie (besides Peanut) that he has to me. I don't know...

this is where I'm at.

she came over this weekend to see the boys, I just stared at her, almost like she was a stranger.

so, UA. even though you listen to Counrty music, you're not a bad guy for feeling this, even though I sometimes feel like a dick because I'm so numb to it.

yes - exactly! I feel like I am the cold person he's made me out to be for so long. Like maybe he's right and I am cold hearted, blah blah.......

shut your mouth

you are not cold hearted

you are healing

and this is just one of the ways that you are protectiing yourself.

You too Ford, it does not mean you are a bad person

shooooot I like you both

try not to get stuck feeling this, it becomes a habit, and you start feeling numb about everything

Yeah you know I don't really THINK I am cold - I just wonder why I don't feel worse. Then I remind myself that I've been lied to for a long time, he's not who he was so what I would feel for him, I can't, because he's not the same. And I'm certainly not the same.

But you know what - I'm happy 98% of the time, and I don't feel like I NEED anyone with me to be happy. I'm focused on Peanut, making her happy, keeping her balanced and I am happy with that.