Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? The Good, the Bad, and the Funny Part 6

Morgan, I do love meeting people. I am warming to the idea that the internet is just another portal or introduction. I guess I am old fashioned and it does scare me. One nice example is that most of the reunion folks kept in touch trough Myspace or Yahoo Groups. It was fun talking about our kids that way, etc. I did peak at Match.com and it still turns me off big time. I just cannot think about meeting someone that way. I am scared about how limited my prospects really are now. I have two kids and I work all the time. How will I ever get ...over celibacy????? Oops. Am I not supposed to ask that question? I will never sleep with my H again. I know that now in my soul. He has laid eyes on someone else's flesh and I can no longer forgive that. I want to move on and get together with a new man. Sorry if that is not DBing but I cannot see myself with my weasel H any more any ways.

(((mk)))

I'm so sorry.. sounds like a very hard time right now.

I read your VM and I know as a "DB'er" I should probably say it was wrong but frankly, I'm glad you said what you felt. Sure don't do it daily, but glad you got it out there once, at least.

As to meeting people... I promise we're not too scary if you come to the Cali DB meeting. Not a dating thing AT ALL, just a hang out thing. Not tryin to pressure you (OK maybe a little... ) .. but really, I think it'll be fun.

Last April or so there were some ladies here planning a trip to San Diego. I almost backed out SO many times and even the day of, driving down, I was nervous... but we were like old friends the minute we all met. Like you said, it's just another introduction. I got to meet inspiredjulie, forever21, galing, kml, and dustinthewind, and talk to a few other DB'ers on the phone. It's almost eerie how totally normal we all are...

mk, I have yet to check out any dating sites and honestly don't think I ever will. mainly because I keep reading here that so and so's spouse (married) is on it, saying they aren't married and such. I have it in my head that everyone on it is married and looking to cheat. I told that to my friend (the therapist) and she said yeah, there is a lot of that on there. I'm sure there are single people, too, but it creeps me out. who knows, maybe when I'm ready to date, I'll think differently. for now, I don't even look.

as for meeting people, I think meeting random strangers is a bit scary, but groups are easier somehow. I like the way you said that, its just another portal. its true. it is.

celibacy. well, I'm not dealing too well with that one, obviously. it sucks. and it make me angry, to tell you the truth. woe to the man i finally choose to sleep with some day. I might just hurt him. lol.

I do take the edge off on my own. its not the same, but it helps. some. well, a little.

omg, mk, I missed your earlier post. wow. wow.

(((HUGS)))

I know that stuff felt good to say. I have no doubt it did. but I think we all need to learn, never, ever say it where it an be saved and used against us.

I'm so sorry, honey. I know you are in pain. and that is really sad that you and your mom got into things, too. glad the bartenders backed you up.

(hey, were you ever a buffy watcher? I watched an ep this morning, one where willow went "evil." omg, can I just say, our h's are damned lucky we don't know witchcraft?)

Hi Mk, just checking in.

Working at that bar must be so tough. I'm sure your mom will be apologizing after she sobers up. I totally understand having that intense emotional moment and calling your H. He deserved every word. Honestly, I don't think your H will waste his time doing what mine is doing. So don't worry about that. Still, if you are planning on filing, it is best to play nice, right? That's the advice anyway. I don't think many people manage it though. It is just too difficult in these sitches.

I didn't realize your H hadn't given you money. Doesn't he have a good state job now? What a schmuck! If/when you do file, that will all get straightened out. He won't have a choice.

MK, I hope you do break your rule. It would be so wonderful to have you there! Generally, I don't meet people from the internet, but I feel so comfortable with the people here. Plus, we will be in a group in public. You still have time to think about it

It sounds like you had a nice Halloween. Wow, H in the house. You are so brave and strong. I bet that meant a lot to your little ones!

Did you get a reaction from your H to the voicemail? I am so intrigued how different people react. My anger all seems directed at ow. Went to a counselor only once, but she told me I should be mad at H instead of ow. Guess it's easier to be mad at a stranger.

mk, WOW!!! You hit your max, and had a boiling over. Its ok, its done, and you got it out. Wow, did you get it out.

Matilda is right (and I need to learn this), OW owes me no loyality, she owes me nothing. I need to focus the anger on the person that is actually betraying me.

Did you hear from H?

see, I was always more angry at h. I wasn't invested in ow, I could care less about her, she's a skanky whore. but h, he broke vows, promises to me, he lied and betrayed me. my anger was definitely all about him. she's just gross, not worth it.

I do not want to hear from him. Nor my mother. I turned off the cells and the answering machines. If they call I will erase all messages. I am sorry but I am in a strong flee mode. My SIL told me it would be bad for my kids if I moved but i seriously do not want to end up like Donna. Seeing all this crap all the time. I was very positive before, but any verbal abuse now just sets me off. I have zero tolerance now for bullies anywhere. I try to be patient, to see the hurt little kid. It is ironic. My doorman told me why that bully in the bar was so abusive to others, his wife was cheating on him and they just had a baby. Gosh, what people do.

The bar has been good and bad. I am put on a weird pedestal. I make way more money than I do teaching. I have an excuse to wear makeup and nice clothes. People see me and talk to me. Most of the time I am pretty invisible Asian soccer mom. No really. I am that lady that gets cut into all the time only to har, "Sorry, didn't see you there." And I only work while my kids are in bed a few nights per week. Plus, I get to give my mom a night off, but she is abusive, always has been. She thinks being abusive makes me stronger. She tells me that sales are way down since my H left and I took over. She thinks that motivates me to sell more, but I do not work that way. I perform better with positive reinforcement. So she will kepp putting me down. the funnything is, I keep hearing from others how much better of a manager I am than my H. That I care more, that I am smarter at business, but I will not hear it from her.

I feel exactly the same way. I am positive my H has lied to his OW. He says her friends are happy she is with a nice man. Ooo the email I could send, but I have learned my lesson. Or have I? Right, not about OP. They really are just the first random person who said, "Sure, why not, let's ruin someone's lif ethis year." I know it because my mom saw my H chase after three different girls before one finally took him in. It is horrible to admit coming from the wife and MIL, but I truly believe that is how it happenened and there is absolutely nothing special about these OP except for the fact that they will take in a vagabond loser without judgement. Low self esteem mired in addiction.