It is an impossible task to not take something like that personal. If you step back and you look at most situations here all LBS's are playing catch up. In her mind she might be moved on or she might be trying to convince herself that she has. Does that bit of information change anything for you outside of how you feel reading it?
It is an impossible task to not take something like that personal. If you step back and you look at most situations here all LBS's are playing catch up. In her mind she might be moved on or she might be trying to convince herself that she has. Does that bit of information change anything for you outside of how you feel reading it?
what is LBS? No it does not change the way I feel about her...just hurts to see it..
So im in the middle of writting like a speech for when she comes home for our talk. It's funny, when the end is near somehow you think about the beginning...
Here is what I have so far......its kind of im jumbles cause Im a little scatter brain right now..
Do you remember when we first meet? The feeling that you had? Do you remember our date, our first kiss? The first time I had dinner at your house and I meet your parents? The first time we had sex on the couch in the bonus room? We were so nervous that your dad was going to come from work and catch us. Remember talking on the phone for hours into the night? Remember the first time you told me you loved me and I loved you? Remember the vacation to the beach and the fun times we had? I was so scared we were going to get caught when we had sex in front of your mom and dad. Remember going putt-putting and your sister saved my gum wrapper? Remember your mom tried to make me a cherry pie for my birthday? Remember making Christmas cookies with your mom and sister? Remember my horrible icing job on my snowman? I remember when you moved to BG and the loneliness I felt, although sometimes I know you felt like giving up but we made it work, though couple times we were apart. Remember the break ups and how you felt? Remember getting back together and the feeling you had? Remember our wedding day? All of the excitement and butterflies? I remember when I first saw you coming down the aisle, I thought I was gonna cry. Then your mom and I caught eyes and she mouthed the words “I love you and she was so proud of us”. It felt like it took you forever to get down the aisle. Standing at the alter you dad says to me “You take good care of her” and I agreed. I also agreed till death due us part. You asked me to not to get drunk at our reception and I somewhat didn’t, but I had enough where I was unable to drive and I know you were upset. I had the plan of carrying you through the hotel door; I wanted to start it off right and start it off good. Remember our honeymoon? All of the fun we had, the walk on the beach in San Juan. Remember me losing my sunglasses the first day we were there? Remember staring at the boat? I remember looking over at you staring at the boat. You looked so excited. I wish we could do that again cause their were some things I would have done differently. I remember like it was yesterday. It’s funny the things you think about when something is going bad. It’s like when you are happy and nothing can stop you but when you’re sad it’s like nothing can pick you up. It’s funny when the end is near why we think about the beginning. We had great times and memories, but with those good times came bad times. The times I hurt you, made you sad and made you cry. The times that I didn’t share my feelings with you. My counselor said that it’s not that I didn’t want to share my feeling it’s because I don’t know how. She said that since I grew up in a family where no one talked about things, I have learned to hold them in and I know that hurt you. That is one of the things that I am working on right now.
--- You know that I’ve always said that I will never be with a cheater. Then why did I marry one? I have always known what you did before we got married. Maybe I didn’t give you enough attention, maybe I didn’t tell you how attractive you were, maybe I didn’t satisfy you, maybe you were lonely, maybe I wasn’t there, maybe you never meant for it happen. Although no marriage or relationship is perfect, sometimes people feel so unhappy; they look to others for a stronger emotional or physical connection. They complain of feeling taken for granted, unloved, resentful, or ignored. Sometimes there is a lack of intimacy or sexuality in the marriage. Was open communication the problem? What ever the reason was, I am willing to work that out. I have forgiven you once and I’m sure I can do it again. Every marriage/relationship has issues. But when one of the people can't let go of the hurts they have had, it poisons the whole thing. Deep down in my heart I know that you can be happy with me again. I know you are in a strange place in your life right now and I wish I could understand. I wish there was another way besides divorce, wish we can sit down together and negotiate and accept that change is possible. I’m not trying to rebuild the relationship or our marriage because it is dead, instead I would like to start over fresh. A new marriage = A new beginning = new life = new adventures ≠ same old husband and wife. --- --- What type of things do you need to feel loved? Are they things that a long distance relationship can’t provide? ---
--- I’m not the same, I have grown, I have changed, and I am going continue to change. I’m not the same person even though the old ugly Matt pops his head up but I am working on that. I have a new feel for life and I wish you were here to see it, because I really want is to share it with you as my wife. --
at the end I am going to tell her something about that I dont want a divorce but if that is the only thing that will make her happy then i will not stand in the way but I would still like to be your friend..something along those lines
MWEL - what is your intention with what you have written? Is this something you are planning on giving to your wife or are you simply venting/unloading here?
I think it's important to get the thoughts out, as you've done here, but sending something like this to your wife is NOT a good idea.
I know you're dying to tell her these things but I'm afraid it will look like pursuit and desperation and, in reality, I believe it is. I'm sorry to say that but I've seen it myself. This is going to push her away even more.
*** DB'ERS: IF ANY OTHER OPINIONS ON THIS, PLEASE CHIME IN ***
The WAS is an alien to all of us. There is no way we can truly understand them, especially if they are going to be providing the information we seek. They are confused, they rewrite history, they don't want to be reminded of when things were going well.
It sucks, it really does, but you need to step back a bit.
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
I have a question for you all... I spoke to a coach yesterday... and Mark, all that you say is right on... 100%. It's so frickin' hard, but it's the right thing to do.
Here's my question. My wife told me about her affair. Co-worker. Sees him almost everyday. I asked that he stop the texting and the calls. I just cringe everytime my cell bill comes.... is his number going to be on there??? But she told him that I know. She told him to stop the texting. I want so badly to call, or text him to just lay off. Just lay off.
But according to the coach, and you Mike, if you want to drive someone away, do what they would hate for you to do... right? So I know she would hate if I did that... maybe not HATE, but it would upset her... I know the answer should be NO don't do it...
MWEL - what is your intention with what you have written? Is this something you are planning on giving to your wife or are you simply venting/unloading here?
I think it's important to get the thoughts out, as you've done here, but sending something like this to your wife is NOT a good idea.
I know you're dying to tell her these things but I'm afraid it will look like pursuit and desperation and, in reality, I believe it is. I'm sorry to say that but I've seen it myself. This is going to push her away even more.
*** DB'ERS: IF ANY OTHER OPINIONS ON THIS, PLEASE CHIME IN ***
The WAS is an alien to all of us. There is no way we can truly understand them, especially if they are going to be providing the information we seek. They are confused, they rewrite history, they don't want to be reminded of when things were going well.
It sucks, it really does, but you need to step back a bit.
mcc Yes these are my thoughts that I have and I was planning on telling my W this when she comes back home on the 10th. I told her that I needed to talk to her and that I have some things to get off of my chest. Her friend has told her to just come and talk to me. Since she is really only coming over to talk to me and if I do not have anything to say then what do I do? In my other thread they are telling me just to say something like this "I’m still working on getting to the place where you are right now. I’m going to need some time to digest all of this. I’ve though it over. You know this isn’t what I want, but I want you to be happy even if it is without me, so I’ll sign the papers. I’m sorry that things came to this and I wish it could have been different. I am not going to say that I will always love you because I don’t know if I will after what has happened. I would still love to be your friend though, someone you can call if you need anything. Right now I love you and I know that I must set my love free." Just telling me to give in to her wishes of the divorce.
I have a question for you all... I spoke to a coach yesterday... and Mark, all that you say is right on... 100%. It's so frickin' hard, but it's the right thing to do.
Here's my question. My wife told me about her affair. Co-worker. Sees him almost everyday. I asked that he stop the texting and the calls. I just cringe everytime my cell bill comes.... is his number going to be on there??? But she told him that I know. She told him to stop the texting. I want so badly to call, or text him to just lay off. Just lay off.
But according to the coach, and you Mike, if you want to drive someone away, do what they would hate for you to do... right? So I know she would hate if I did that... maybe not HATE, but it would upset her... I know the answer should be NO don't do it...
Is that the advice you all would give? LOL...
Not to put u all on the spot.
Peace.
I would not contact the other man...trust me on this one. I just did this Monday and she was so pissed at me and I wish I never would have done it.
I think that if you want to drive your wife away, then by all means, give her that speech.
If she wants to file, you cannot stop her. You can either confirm her decision as the right one, or you can make her wonder if she is doing the right thing. I say do not go through all that crap with her.
Dude, I get that you are angry and hurt. We all are. You need to move past all of this pain and fear. Women sense fear, and you are wearing it on your forehead. Fear not the future without her. When she sees this, you will be a more attractive alternative.
