Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Hardly faking it anymore: Puddle's third thread

Ditto on Just Me and Nomo's thoughts.

Ditto.

Hi Puddle,

A quickie b/f I head out the door.



As Homer says (you'd think I was stuck on this guy ),
spell motel backwards....letom...let'em think or say whatever they will, I would march right back there & enjoy myself.








I would go. I think you're able to go for a light meeting w/out losing control, from what I've gathered about you

Funny that both Heim & Nomo have both dated & both think you're not ready, & I, who usually says no, says yes. Interesting!
Don't have enough time to sift thru that one at the moment, I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Take Care,

Sunny

Hey Heim, Nomo, JustMe and GD!

Thanks for your thoughts. Everyone seems to agree I'm not ready to date, and I feel the same way. What I'm thinking is some good convo and a bit of an ego boost.



Thanks for the laugh---I really needed it! I promise to wear my rattiest undergarments.

JustMe, I totally agree on the money thing. H wasn't saying that's what he'd pay, just that that's the number he'd got. I have no intention of letting him make me an offer. It was change in the tenor of the talk that threw me off. I've a call in to my acquaintance the family court judge.

I just said goodbye to H's parents, which was horrific to an unexpected degree. They told me they'd spent yesterday with H, that FIL isn't sleeping, MIL said the family's "falling apart at all corners" and she wished they'd stayed home. She also said she's very worried about the possibility of H losing his job.

H and I obviously haven't been talking very much, but losing his job isn't something I was aware I might need to be concerned about. I just feel like he's falling apart. He just got a huge promotion, they love him, but his new "I'll just say what I think and if they don't like it they can f**k themselves" might end up hurting me in a way I hadn't anticipated.

I'd like to think of a way to talk to him about this, but I can't think of one that would do any good. I think it'd all sound like pressure, and it *would* be pressure: You have responsibilities that extend beyond your own ego right now---don't blow it.

Is it possible that he's so passive-aggressive that he subconsciously *wants* to lose his job? Jesus. Can he want out of these responsibilities that badly?

MIL also said our oldest is clearly demonstrating that he's feeling the tension in the house.

I realized something. H was all about "being adult" about all this, didn't want the kids to sense my ambivalence about the S, etc etc, but his behavior toward me has been horrendous in a silent way. Again, something I wish I could point out in a nonemotional way, like, "Hey, do you have the impression the kids have noticed that you haven't spoken to me in weeks? Do you think that might have a negative impact on them?"

Last night I got home at 2.30 am and H was outside on the phone. Apparently he's not being this way with everyone.

Oh ugh. This day took a turn I hadn't expected!
Take care.

I think Sunny just called me a hypocrite! ;). Rightfully so!

Actually, I think you should go if you can keep yourself for falling for the guy and\or getting into a "R". Sorry that wasn't clear. Maybe got tripped up on semantics around "dating."

Nomo

((((Puddle)))
Breaking my silence, I knew I couldn't keep it up.

Sorry to hear all that. I totally understand the silent treatment. I know it is tough.

Things will look up

C

Hey sunny!



Thanks, I think I'm working up to it. You, too, Heim---thanks for the encouragement.



Hee hee. I don't know. Back in the day I was a pretty free-wheelin' gal. I'm pretty sure I could keep myself from jumping him across the table, though.



Ooh, that is interesting. Let me know when you figure it out! Anything to say about that, Heim and Nomo? Purely a matter of you guys having had more time?

And JustMe, meant to say



I hadn't thought of that. I have the impression that H is utterly self-absorbed right now, but it's possible that my behavior is grating on him somehow. Thanks for the food for thought. Interesting that Nomo and Heim jumped on that one, too.

Take care.

Hey CVA,

Thanks for the support, my friend. What is up with these angry WAS? Geez, the guy's getting everything he wants, just not fast enough? Ommmmmmm.

Nomo, re dating: gotcha. Pretty sure I can keep from falling for him, if only out of pure grit determination. I was thinking today, what do you do if your friend admits to becoming more attached than she intended to?

Take care.

Quick thought, I'm not ready to "date" someone. I'm just suggesting that you do what I did - meet someone for drinks and conversation. No pressure. No stress.

Good lord, theoretically, sure, I could be struck through the heart by someone tomorrow, but odds of me getting into a committed R anytime soon aren't high.

Drinks/coffee/pool/puttputt/a show on occassion -- why the hell not.

I've got this image of you, Puddle, rattiest undergarments or not, suddenly lunging across the table at this guy, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, throwing him on the table, and just planting one on him. Why my brain works this way, I have no idea.

BD

I think dating is not the time now as well. would you want H to be dating now? I know it would be such a huge ego boost, and possibly great fun too, but you are in a very vulnerable time right now and I'm not sure that meeting this guy would be the best option right now. I totally understand why you want to though. and I understand you feel you have the will power to not let anything happen, but I've been there, and will power doesn't always work.

about homeschooling... that is SO cool. I did that with my s9 for the first 3 years, but it was one thing that H hated so he's been in school for two now. not sure if it was the best, but he's doing okay so far. BUT, many judges base the amount of child support/alimony based on what the wife is "used to". Say, you have not worked, and you homeschooled and H worked and took care of everything...well, the courts would acknowledge that as well. If you are still wanting to homeschool, and you think the kids benefit from that, then you should talk to your family friend and see what can be done about it. The other thing is putting them in school and do you want them in public? otherwise, private is very expensive, and it might not be that much different from if you homeschool. I don't know. lots of things to consider.

I also agree that H is jealous.... or at least he's upset that he's not becoming "happy" now even after he's been released from you, and that's probably making him even more miserable, as well as the fact that your happy.

Hey Heim,



Exactly what I'm thinking.



Exactly what I'm thinking. I am, of course, kidding.



Uh, quick guess: wishful thinking? (For you, I mean, not me!)

Take care.