Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done A Happy Thread

Yeah, blending families is very hard.

well said FIB, and Jeff, good for you.

When I attended my devastated sister's D hearing and the D was officially granted the idiot judge said "Well for SOME of you this is a sad day, but for SOME of you it's the happiest day of your life" and I turned off whatever else that moron said. My sister was sobbing the whole time and the divorce was granted en masse, to about ten couples....like a party, or witnesses, or whatever.
I wrote a letter to the Bar of Florida mentioning that the comments were the most insensitive I've heard from a member of the bench.

It isn't about being "happy" about the divorce, it's about GAL and creating happiness from this day forward. Geez, who could have been happy? I mean, I'd be sad even if I were leaving an abusive marriage b/c it sucks to divorce or have a crappy M when you have kids...even if you don't, come to think of it.
j-

Interesting about having the same parenting styles. My h and I have three kids and we have dissimilar forms of discipline and disagree a lot on child rearing. Lately, and more often, my d10 has said she wants to go back to California and that she liked living WITHOUT HER FATHER better than she likes living with him. Ouch...

Of course we are still in "adjustment" mode and have had a rough week visiting our home in California, seeing the fires was very stressful, and out of the blue we lost a friend/mother of 4, so we all felt pulled to stay there...but I doubt many of us have the same parenting styles. Yes, we do have affection and playfulness and we all read a lot. Guess that's something.
j-

PS I just saw a segment about Britney Spears taking a parenting class and guess what? Apparently, SOME parents READ to their kids...together!!....is this something you really never picked up on, and needed a to take a class for? OMG....

No offense, but this Happy Thread is, um, not...

Come over to the Party Thread, I have made margaritas!

BA

Jeff - I admire your determination to go forward and grow! After all you've been through, GALing will not be that hard.

25MLC - You do get around, both physically and on this BB. We're still recovering from the fires here in the OC. School was canceled Thursday and Friday and soccer today because of the air quality.

Hey BA -
Happy it is. You see ...

Well Being + Confidence = Self-Esteem = Happiness.

I am getting there. I do feel very good right now.

------------

Now to journal some not so happy news:

Former MIL took a turn for the worse. Her lung cancer is still in remission but fluid is filling her lungs and she has an infection resistant to drugs. Former W went home (about 4 hours south of me) to help out. I have the kids. Doctors are not too optimistic.

Former W is talking to me at some length, sharing a lot more info than she needs to. I listen and try to say positive things. I can hear how she is hurting while at the same time I hear the denial in her voice.

One minute I hear emotion, and then she gets "tough". She does not "ask" me for help; she hints around it. I have to offer to keep the kids so she can visit MIL. Her response: "I appreciate it", in a tone that suggests she expects it. If I hear "I appreciate it" from her one more time....

Same thing she did to us.

I hope MIL gets well. She is a good person.

Kids are doing fine. Former W fetched them this weekend and took them down to see her family. That is good.

I feel for former W but I am still shut out. Her choice and I cannot control that.

So I listen. That is the best I can do to support her. And she knows the kids are secure with me.

Thanks for stopping by Larry and 25MLC. I cannot imagine the fire situation. That must be terrible - seeing it slowly coming at you. We get tornados in AL - at least you don't see them coming (at least not for long).

What a change in your outlook. You are doing so much better.

She gets into the 'anger' part because she sees herself 'needing' you and that was one of her biggest issues.

You know it's all about her and she's reaching out to you in a time of need, but doesn't want to 'go there' again.

As long as you don't react, and keep treating her with kindness, it'll be interesting to see how she changes.

Remember, when you change everyone around you must change also.

Jeff

Please consider doing this one healing thing as you continue your new next life. When you reflect or share a brief history with others, rethink your comment that you failed, but are not a failure.

If someone sets out to move a mountain alone and most of us consider that task impossible, do they fail to move the mountain? Was it ever a possibility? Or, did they try beyond all hope to do the impossible because it was indeed worth trying?

You were very limited in what you were ever going to be able to do. You tried to save your M, your family, and your kids. You placed yourself behind those priorities. You saved what you could. Do you want to guess how many people are not even able to do that in the face of this nonsense? You succeeded in all that you had the ability to accomplish.

Your fw checked out on many levels. It doesn't matter if she had control over those things or not, she became the mountain.

Thanks Was2sad. That meant a lot to me.

It is hard to admit that there are some things I cannot accomplish given I try. That is the GOOD thing that came of all this - what I can and cannot control and not to beat myself up for it.

I am an enginner - I know how to move a mountain, or at least get it out of the way

Thanks again.