Thanks Saffie. I am at peace. It's not what I wanted, we all know that. I have resigned myself to the fact that there is nothing I can to to stop her from moving forward with her evil plan. She hasn't stopped yet, and I don't anticipate that she's going to stop (or change plans) any time soon.
cheers, mark. wish you lived closer, we could have a drink on this. (although a lousy thing to toast to, but I suppose moving on with our own lives in spite of these idiots is a good thing, right?)
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I know this has taken its toll on you, and I get its where you are right now. You've been trying for such a long time, and now you feel its just time to let go.. and you and only you can decide that for yourself. you have given it your all, you love your kids and that's what's important right now.
((((hugs))) my friend.
Traci
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I know how tough this is for you. You've been at this for about a year longer than I have, and even I already feel I am coming quickly to the same place. My POV has shifted dramatically in the last month, under the constant reminders and unrelenting stress of my own W's dramatic change in character. I don't know how you've held out this long and you are to be commended. No one can say you haven't been giving it your 100 percent.
I cannot say I blame you for now taking an indifferent stance with regards to you M; in fact I'd say it's a healthy response when you find all the tunnels have been cheeseless. Perhaps at this point you really need to not only detach but to withdraw -- not for another 180 or LRT or some other means to hopefully defibrillate the heart of your M, but to allow yourself to let go. Only you can make that decision for yourself. Either way, it's certainly best to focus exclusively on you and your children.
Mark, wasn't going to respond since you called me 'chatty' on my thread, but you know I can't stay away from you. Stinker.
I have to say that by your example, I have learned a lot. I have learned to steer clear of a lot of the pain, by protecting myself and focusing on the kids. But I hate that you have traveled this painful journey to get to your peaceful place. I am sorry about that. I am sorry your W doesn't see what she is giving up, I am sorry for any teeny amount of pain your kids might feel. But know this, you gave it your all, even more, your kids love and trust you, and you will be snatched up in an instant once you are ready.
Mark I know you have heard this before on your thread. But maybe it would be a good time to find chocolateyes thread and reread how he handled things. I still am amazed at how his self centered, mean wife turned herself around. He acted very loving but yet brutal if that makes sense. He exposed her to all. Kind of killed that little fantasy world she had going where everyone was in the dark. He did things differently then on this forum and it worked.
ttho: Thanks for the advice, but I have shifted my focus. My goal is no longer the salvation of my marriage. It's about the salvation of me. I intend to pick up the pieces for myself, and be strong for my kids. You said what he did "worked" for him. Well, what I am doing is working for me. Not for us, not for the marriage, but for me.
If she wants to come crawling back, I will listen to what she has to say. But there are no guarantees. If she wants to cling to the thread of hope with him (or even keep her job - her boyfriend is a colleague), I will not welcome her back. She needs to show drastic change, and I am skeptical she will be willing/able to pull them off convincingly enough to satisfy my particular palate.
But, having said that, the likelihood of her crawling back is very low. If you want to know what she looks like, look up "stubborn" in the dictionary. Yep, that's her picture.
But thanks, ttho. I appreciate the good thoughts and support.