Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? The Good, the Bad, and the Funny Part 5

MK, your "list" is not unreasonable. Those are very basic things that you definitely deserve. Don't settle for anything less.

I agree with Morgan. When we are ready, we will attract that special person. This is where faith comes in, I guess.

Hey mk...

I don't think there a lot of guys writing to you, on these posts (at least I don't seem to think they are...) Sorry about your day. There are guys out here like me that are devastated by the breakup of a family. I didn't show my wife that I valued her enough, and I'll have to live with that. However, not all of us want to chase 20 year olds. We just want our wives and families back, or at least someone who will love us for what we are...not perfect, but good men. I think of a good friend of mine here in Iraq. He's 45 and never been married. A tremendous guy who has always been in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was in Afghanistan in October 2001, right when we went in, for a year, Iraq for a year, and now back here.....again. A loyal, funny guy... a great, successful officer. He just happens to be in the Army..not great these days for steady relationships! He has a Match.com page that says: "If you have kids, it's fine with me, as long as you're a good mom"..They're out here, and you'll find one if you husband doesn't grow up. (He's in for a rude awakening when this young thing re-evaluates and takes off) I'm sorry your husband doesn't value the things right under his nose. I don't think I showed my wife that I cared enough, and I'm paying for it now, but how a Dad can walk out on his kids is beyond me. I just see the bottom of your posts and see D6 and S2, and just don't know how he can go a day without them.......beyond me...

I'm still taken back by him saying that his kids won't respect him when they're older. Huh, you think? I can't belive that doesn't kill him, and he's throwing it all away for what?

Hang in there. Thanks for writing to me. I know you must be super busy.

FLTC,

That is very touching and re-assuring. It is hard being here and seeing how many men walk away from their families. It is hard not to think that is almost "normal" protocol these days. I know there are some great guys here trying to save their M's, but they're already married. It's hard to imagine there are more out there.

MK, are you going to come to our shin dig? I think we will be heading your way... Don't make us hunt you down

I saw my H last night. He came straight into my home instead of going to my brother's . Thank goodness it was all clean with Halloween decor up-winks to Morgan! He was so upset. I just got out of the shower. I almost think he was angrily checking in on me and just used the cold as an excuse. Too bad we could not wrestle like Morgan and her man!

No one else came to wish him a happy birthday. Both aunts were in their pajamas, at 5PM!!! And I took off. I just pictured him in Round Table for his 39th birthday with just the kids and no one else.

His parents then called my home to wish him a happy birthday. Did they really think I was having a party for him? Why?

Posting letter next. Thanks everyone for all your well wishes. Family Days are tough eh?

A funny twist of fate. My stomach has been twisting because I did it. I waited 48 hours and sent the letter. It was almost a Plan B letter and I was very spontaneous but it was a letter that was burned into my soul for more than 48 hours. I edited anything out of it that directly attacked his mistress or his characterand I tried to use the YOU messages I learned about. It is still kind of resentful.

Hey H,
I am sorry I got the times mixed up but we figured you wanted the kids longer as it was a special occasion. I think it is best we do not have contact as it breaks my heart to see you like this. The man I knew would have never cheated with the type of person you are with. Believe me, she is not as great as you think she is and I do not even know her. I just know as a woman, I would never engage with a married man no matter how much he lies. In fact, the man I knew would have stayed loyal no matter what. I trusted you with all my heart and you knew that. I can see a bit why you would go crazy and have a mid life crisis because of your work schedule and our marriage but you need to stop rewriting history. You need to stop blaming me for that. No one made your choices except for you. Your life have must have been so empty for you to have sacrificed so much of your integrity. This has affected our children in a very bad way. They see you, you take them out and buy them gifts. Save my heart and just leave. I beg you. I hate hearing the gossip about you and your mistress. This stranger has attacked the happiness of me and my children and you have sided with her instead you should have been offended. She is not your saviour just because she gave you a bed to sleep on, she is your addiction. Don't you dare reply. P says you will be stationed in San Fransisco. Move. I warned you to be discreet at W knowing that is my family business. D's college money. You could not even respect that.

You know I love you. You know I always will. How can I just watch you throw your life away and screw up the kids this way? We will be fine as long as you leave the county and just visit on the same days.

I sent it and fretted but I felt happy.


guess what. when I hit reply it did not reply to him it replied to me!!1 he never got it!! Is fate telling me the letter sucks????

There is a very nice man at my work. He is not a man I would ever be attracted to but he is kind and honest and strong. I think he really likes me but I have no attraction to him at all. I guess I am really not ready yet but it is nice to know there may be steady good, hard working, salt of the earth men out there. He is an average Joe and I guess I always went for the soccer player or the rock star type. My H was kind of the Tom Hanks in Splash type. Joking, witty , likable, light up the room type. Then he did a 180 and became Norman Bates in Psycho.

oh mk....I feel for you. And right there with you. I know how frustrating it is to watch your H with the OW...I'm not sure mine doesn't have an OW himself.

You did what you were supposed to with the 48hr. rule. I am intrigued that you didn't send it to him when you hit the button. Are you REALLY ready to be done? I'm so close that I'll have no way of discouraging you.

But you and only you know when it's time. When you get there I am fairly certain there will be no more stomach churns or tears associated with saying goodbye. It will simply be the only thing left and you'll feel so cornered until you say it. And saying it will bring relief, possibly excitement, but not panic.

Hugs!

After I found those vows and saw him for his birthday, it really made me miss him. I miss the man I married. I miss the man I took the kids trick or treating with. I miss taking our Halloween pics as a family. I miss the man from m yhoneymoon.

I want to divorce the man that cussed at me. I want to divorce the man that chose a new boy and girl to fend for (OW and teen brother, his new housemates). I want to divorce the man that disrespected my mother in her place of business. I want to divorce the man that gave up meat and lost 30 lbs and began dressing like an emo fag. I want to divorce the man that humiliated our entire clan. I want do divorce that man.

mk, I think fate stepped in. that letter is a great one to write out and burn, not one to send. I'm going to be honest here...don't resend it, if you haven't.

I know what you mean about seeing two different men. I am sad about the same things, in a way...my H before was a good man. he was. and while there were more issues than I ever even dreamed of going on, he was at least somewhat happy. now he just seems sad...sad and confused and lost and unhealthy. just a big old mess. I have no doubt he has moments of joy and happiness, as long as reality is kept at bay...when he's out on the town, when he's with ow. but he just seems so bent on destrying himself. I think if I saw him happier, if I saw him taking care of himself like he used to, if I saw him striving to be a better man, well, it would maybe be easier. it hurts enough to be rejected, to see your h with another woman, but to see them practically destroy themself in the process, well, that just sucks.

(and btw honestly, probably smarter not to wrestle like H and I).

LOL, thank you. I thought that maybe a Plan B letter would be OK but I do have a lot of resentment. I do not want to get all manic. I want to stay zen. I also grapple with the fact that, ugh hate to say it, if my H is truly as suicidal and destructive as they say, that he does not feel that I no longer love him if he does kick the bucket. Sorry for sounding so tragic and insensitive. This is no laughing matter. Does that make sense? Maybe it makes no difference at all or maybe it makes it easier for him to cheat if he believes that? I no longer know what is the truth. I need TH.