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Well, he is 42 years old, so if he is ever going to grow up....he'd better hurry. But, you do sound better and I sure hope he means what he says. He may be addicted and if he is then if won't be easy for sure. Anyway, I'm glad you guys were able to talk and sure hope you continue to make progress.

We are here when you need us. Let us know how it is going.

Thanks again Sandi....It mean alot to know that you are there.

I sent a long email to my h today, I felt this was something that I had to do. I basically told him how I appreciate what he has done to change so far, I know its been hard, but I also said that this can not go on, that changes must be made, because I have to protect my kids and myself, as we can no longer live our lives in turmoil, that I want to get on with life, as we have spent to much time on this, I realize that I have to make this change for myself, for my mental health, so I have to let it go and move on, my hope is to move on with him, however if he isn't ab;e to commit to me and the kids then we will continue with out him.
I have reached this point now, I can't be low anymore, I am wasting my life away and losing the good years we have left of youth, on this, and we are losing time with our kids, and I just can't do it anymore.
So H read this tonight I wasn't sure what his reaction would be, and I was suprised as it was good, we didn't talk alot about it much, put he said that he wants to be here, and loves me, and will be calling the c tomorrow.
So I am hopeful but am just not putting all my hope into it anymore.

thanks for listening!

Limbo,

That is good news. The 2 of you have come so far in your communication. Now you can say things and he takes you seriously and neither of you is just reacting emotionally. I think he will follow through. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Thank you Sara, that means alot! I know that he wants us, but he also is being flattered like never before, and so doesn't know what to do.
So this is something we have to work through!

I wonder if it would help him if you wrote flattering notes to him. Could he ignore notes from ther women to read ones from his wife?

I don't know, to be honest, I think the key is that they aren't me....He hadn't had alot of experiance before me, and so I think this is some of the problem.
It so hard to figure him out, and to be honest I am going to stop, because its driving me crazy.
This is something he needs to work through, because if he wants to stay married then he has to.
So I hope that he call the C today to make an appt, because I think this is what will help him.
I give him all the support I can, I have stood by him, and told him and shown him how much I love him, there is really nothing more that I can do, its all him now.
I have to get myself and my life together now, and move on with it.

Your H needs to realise that an OW would not give him any more than he has now - infact it would give him a lot less.

My H like yours was not very experienced. I have said many times before but I will say it again - I was very lucky with the timing in my sitch in that my H had been having the A for 18 months by the time he told me about it. It had pretty much run it's course and he had been able to see for himself all the complications and down siides as well as get over the majority of the excitement / adrenalin rush. Once he admitted it he started to see it for the seedy mistake it was. Somehow your H has to realise that what he would get elsewhere would be so much less than what he gets with you.

He needs to know that happiness is wanting what you have NOT having what you want, (not that he seems to know what he wants!!!).

saffie

I do know truly believe he is in MLC, but just not sure what stage!! I am hoping we are getting to the end though!!
He did just email me and say he will call the C, so thats good, because I decided I wasn't going to say anything more about it. So he is trying, which he has done before, I just hope this time it does last!

Limbo,

I am not sure what to say...my H had an A because of our issues - or his issues he could not communicate to me... He regrets the A b/c now he says it feels impossible to forgive himself. Our Retro weekend was good in the fact I am 100% sure the OW is out of his head and heart - his issues now are internal conflicts with his actions of having an A and how it went against his core qualities. But he is so mad at himself and guilt ridden he may never come back to me fully. I have come to terms with this and plan to finish all the post sessions and be a positive force in his life - but only he can resolve this for himself.

Your new attitude is great! You cannot control your H or fix your H (as much as I tried to fix mine) you can only take care of YOU!! Either he wakes up and joins you for the journey or he loses big time!!

Take care! You are doing awesome!!!
HB

I believe this is the big reason my H seeks out other women, because he feels he wouldn't have the same guilt with them, that it might be easier.
It is so hard to believe him in anything right now, because he seems like he is making an effort, and wants to make it work, then goes and does something so stupid.
I just don't know what to believe with him anymore, I just can't think that he would be so evil to say that he loves me and wants to work at it, and have a happy marriage just to be able to stick it to me again.
He has always been such a nice caring person, I have to believe that this man is still in there somewhere, and hope that he does come back soon!
Not just for me, but for his kids!