Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy day by day

lwb - I don't think anyone much is saying don't contact OW's H - rather just to wait and do it with thought and not anger. That way you can be sure to get the message across how you want it.

I know you have this 'agreement' with OW's H and you feel you owe it to him but please just don't trust him. It's easy to empathise with the other injured spouse in this sitch but ultimately he will look after himself and his family and I do beleive if that means backing his wife up at times he may well do that. So just look at him a bit sceptically and always wonder what he may gain from any given situation as well. I am sure he is a nice man but he is also a desperate one I imagine.

I am so, so sorry you are in this place.

saffie

Hey LWB,

I want you to start out this day on a good note.


SMILE.....That's it. Now look in the mirror and make a funny face.

Feel better??

Hope so

Husband

hey lwb,

how are you? how did it go last night? hope you are well and have a good day. stay strong!

LWB,
I've been following your thread and feel as though my sitch is pretty close to yours. I've been posting on here for awhile. Started out in Newcomers and moved to Piecing. My W found my posts and has been reading them. I thought at the time it was helpful for her to see my perspective and I actually think it helped. I've stopped posting for awhile though cause there are some things I don't want her to see at this stage. I've created a new account so I can post again.



My W 'came back' early in Sept. and broke off contact with the OG. There was at least one lapse in contact since then, but I don't think she has had contact recently. As you mentioned above, I'm not sure she came back for the right reasons. I almost wish it had run its course and burned out on its own.

It sounds like you are doing great keeping a PMA.
Also, since I am an OW's H, I would want you to call me.

Hopef,
I wondered about this. I was thinking about going back (and with some editing) printing up a "Journal" of my interactions here. And leaving it on my desk for my W to "find".

it is just a thought.

Husband

saffie, thanks. You are right, OW's H and I are both protecting ourselves and our families. I totally agree. I am waiting it out. Maybe he IS stalking her, but that doesn't explain the note and recent 'private' calls on my ID. Stalking her is even more pathetic, in my eyes. How sad.

husband, thanks. I did smile when I read your post. It took effort, but I did it.

hey morgan, just polite exchanges here. Kind of spooky. How are you?

hi hope, thank you so much for posting and reading my thread. I should change it to "Crazy Person", huh? Did your wife end the contact with OM by herself? Did he still try to contact her like my husband does? I am sorry you felt violated when your wife came on here. I agree, sometimes all we are doing is trying to save our marriage, but there are some thoughts they don't need to read. Glad you are back. Hope to see more of you.

LWB,

You are thinking so clearly - when you state

Even if he 'came back' to me right now, it wouldn't be for the right reasons.

You are so right - their seedy and tawdry (SP?) affair needs to come full circle - he can only come back to you when HE wants to - when he wakes up are realizes (if he can) what a fool he has been. By then you may or may not even want him back...

You are doing awesome - keep the faith!!

HB

Unfortunately, I think ending the A was more a decision on the part of the OM. I believe it was somewhat a joint decision, but his W had found out about what was happening and he was concerned that he would lose his children. He had moved out a month prior and moved back in with his W when he and my W broke contact. Also unfortunately, I think if anyone has been pursuing, it was my W. The OM's W had forwarded me a text message from my W to her H asking to see him a couple of weeks after the no contact discussion. I don't think there has been any other contact since then, but how can I be sure? Also unfortunately for me, my W really fell for this guy. Not sure if the feelings were reciprocated, but I think it will take a while for her to get past these feelings for him.

As far as my feeling violated by my W looking at my postings...

I actually encouraged it in the beginning. I challenged her a bit to see if she could find my posts out of all the others. There are so many on here that are so similar. She cheated a bit and looked at my history on the computer, but I think it was actually therapeutic at first. She was able to go back and see how I felt following certain things that she did and I think it made her realize how crappy some of her actions were. At this point though, I think it would be better to keep my posts private.

Hi heartbroken!! Thank you so much. In the past, I just wanted H back. Just back. But now I know 1) I don't want him this way. and 2) He has to be fully 'back'. And yes, the timing might be off when/if he actually wants to come back. Scary.

hope, wow, we could sit down and talk all day and night about our similar situations. I am so sorry for you because I know it sucks. OW supposedly ended it in September when her H said "No contact". She called my H and ended it, but really, what do we actually know. H continued to call, call, call. They had a cute thing with one ring, meaning "I'm thinking of you". Barf. So, even though she didn't answer (did she?), she probably loved to be pursued. They have said "I love you" to each other and now I realize how attached H is to her to this day. I know in my heart she still wants him, and they are probably talking/seeing each other again. The other night I said "Look at me, my husband is in love with another woman" and he didn't deny it. Ouch.

I am sure you feel like I do, second choice, a runner up. A 'back up' when things turn out poorly. I feel like a consolation prize that comes with the kids, a package deal. I know from talking to OW's H, (and you may feel this too), he was terrified (and angry) about possibly seeing his kids less, and supporting his wife because she messed up. I think its even harder on the male LBS.

lwb... I definitely feel the "backup" pain.

I'm also glad to see you are doing OK today.