Not to bash hubby, but I swear, are our spouse's nuts? First, he is leaving (at least at this pt Puddle) a bright, witty and I am certain super hot mom (that would be a MILF for you neophites)and thinking the kids will be fine. Not your quote but in general "the kids will be OK, they will adjust" yeah, keep telling yourself that Mr./Mrs. Helper. The ramifications of all this are impossible to predict, but there is probably nothing positive you can say has come of it unless it was just brutal in the house. Most things can be fixed as Michele says.
BTW, are you SURE you have'nt changed your orientation? At least a little bit? In Paris Hilton lingo, "that's Hot!"
Just kidding as you know, what would a CVA reply be without some of that thrown in? Oh, it might actually be serious and worthwhile.
Nice day here too. Golf? That darn work thing keeps getting in the way of me taking advantage of life.
C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
glad things went well with the Kid C. I'm wondering if it would have been a good idea to share openly what each person took out of the convo in front of the IC. Like, for instance, when she said, if its plutonic, I'm thinking that H is going to take that as, yes I can see OW... just like you said.
we all know how the WAS can open their ears to some noise and shut out the rest.
you did a good job not disagreeing with him before seeing her and just stating lets see what she has to say about it. I think if you were pointing out things that you were right about would have been a bad thing. So it looks like for the most part it was good.
that IS really crazy that he's wanting all this together time. very untypical I think of most WAS. not really sure what to make on that, but I suppose it is a good thing for the children.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
in general "the kids will be OK, they will adjust" yeah, keep telling yourself that Mr./Mrs. Helper.
H was telling the C today how our schedule really won't change much, blah blah blah, and she said something like "This is a big change. A. Big. Change. for the kids, it will affect them, and you need to be aware of that so you can best help them through." I was glad he heard that from someone else.
Originally Posted By: CVA
Most things can be fixed as Michele says.
During our bomb talk, I said something to H like, "The only thing we can't fix is not wanting to fix it." Turns out that's where he was/is. I think that's Michele's "the WAS being too far gone" idea.
Originally Posted By: CVA
BTW, are you SURE you have'nt changed your orientation? At least a little bit? In Paris Hilton lingo, "that's Hot!"
LOL! Man, you kill me. I hadn't thought of that. Thanks!
I have been entertaining thoughts, however, about reaching out to COW (just when I happen upon her at the hangout if I go back). She's made two overtures toward me now. It feels a bit mischievous, but I wonder what would happen if she and I were talking and H knew it. I think he'd feel uncomfortable and want me to stop talking to her, but it'd be interesting to see what happened if he put pressure on COW to stop talking to *me.* I'm just being unkind, really, but the thought made me giggle.
when she said, if its plutonic, I'm thinking that H is going to take that as, yes I can see OW... just like you said.
Well, H claims it is platonic, so I have to take his word for it. He has to choose to do what he thinks is best for the kids. I think he heard the C---said once or twice he wanted certain things for his own selfish reasons---and I hope he'll stick to that. And if he doesn't, I can't do much about it.
Originally Posted By: S.T. _I Made It!
that IS really crazy that he's wanting all this together time. very untypical I think of most WAS. not really sure what to make on that, but I suppose it is a good thing for the children.
That's what I figure. To be honest, unless H makes some serious changes, there's no way he's going to be at our house in the morning to hang with the kids---the man can't get out of bed.
I'm also not sure so much together time is going to work for me, but I'm willing to try it out.
ya, I agree, the together time might really mess with your mind. I mean if he really truly wants the D and never wants to go back, then that could really drive you emotionally crazy. But I guess that's what the detaching is for.
I do commend you for trying it out though. I think in the end, it would be better for the kids, I'm just curious on whether it would be more confusing to them for you guys to be THAT close to each other yet the M is still over with. I think it is important that you both have a good R with each other as separate people, but I don't know about being so close that you spend time together in the home and go on outings together and things like that. although I'm probably just speaking in vain because if he does end up being with someone, there's probably no way that he would continue doing all that. But then, there's the problem with causing confusion on the kids.
Sorry, my brain is a little unscrewed right now. As long as you stay a wonderful committed mom as it sounds like you are, your kids will be fine, and they will learn from your experience. Your doing the best that you can do, and you should be proud of that.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Yeah, I'm not sure either about the spending so much time together in the home. It seems weird to say to them, "We're not going to be married anymore and papa is moving out," and then spend MORE time together than before.
The C warned us about kids' fantasies that the parents will get back together. I guess I'm not really worried about that, though I expect it'll happen as par for the course, but more about wanting some space of my own.
I'm actually sitting here wondering whether H is going to make an appearance tonight or not, kinda hoping he doesn't. I'm wondering if I should talk to him before we talk to the kids and say I'd prefer things stay as they are in the evenings---no "together time" every night, but rather just mama's or papa's night. They're used to that already, and it'd give me some space.
H mentioned today that my sister said hi to him. I don't think she's said a word to him since all this happened, which he certainly felt. I said, "Yeah, it's been hard for her." He said, "Really?" I think he was surprised.
Also, something I neglected to mention earlier, on the way home from the kid C H said something about us "not being like that"---kicking one of us out, yelling and screaming, etc. I said, "You looked a little surprised," referring to one of our very early talks when he reached a certain point and clearly expected me to kick him out, and I didn't.
He started talking about how I'd never argued with him or said, "I had a crappy day, and by the way, I think you're" whatever, about this whole thing. He mentioned a recent email where I said I generally had an emotion, was working through it, later mentioned it, and by the time he got back to it my reaction was, "Huh? That's over and done with."
He said he's much more an immediate sharer, which cracked me up, because he's so very not. I didn't say anything. Eventually he said something like maybe it was better that we hadn't had those conversations. I was thinking, "What would the point have been?" but didn't say anything.
So two things there: I think this was another example for H of how different we are---he's the immediate, emotional sharer (that's such a joke) and I hold things in; and second, he still sees me as not sharing. And my reaction was pretty much, whatever.
Right now, in our interactions, I'm doing absolutely nothing in the hopes that he'll change his mind. He's certain and eager to get settled; I'm eager for him to get settled. I don't feel much for him (my sister's comment when I told her he'd mentioned that she said hi was, "I just feel so very sorry for him, I don't know what to do") except a vague concern for his well being and some concern that he holds himself together enough to take care of the family financially. That's not much.
it is funny how we all perceive ourselves. as you said he thinks he's an immediate sharer, and you think otherwise. That's a big reason why R's are so hard sometimes. we really have no idea what the other really feels or is thinking.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Yeah, I think maybe H currently thinks of himself as someone who shares immediately. Maybe this is a change he's made and I'm so used to him mulling things over endlessly that I haven't noticed.
So, um, folks? I just got a message from that guy I had drinks with the other night. Apparently he texted me the next day and I didn't notice until just now (I'm not a texter), saying I'd looked like a "folk rock diva" the other night. I said, "Um, thanks?" and got back this: "Folk rock diva = vitality clarity groundedness & a beauty that encompasses and goes beyond the physical."
Not sure what to do with that one. Maybe just lighten up and enjoy it? That sounds right. Really, really did not get the impression he was interested.
Kids just busted out the front window, which landed on the hood of the car. My life suddenly seems much more interesting than it did an hour ago.
No no, HOW YOU DOIN!!! OMG of course he's interested Puddle!
And that description said a different way is "I want to say your hot, just don't want to say "wow, your hot Puddle!""
How's that for a PMA boost on a Thursday afternoon
C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
