wow, you guys. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm not necessarily scared of H physically. although I take that back, I am in a way. he has never hit me, but once I found out about the affair he has intimidated me physically more than once...mostly locked me in a room and refused to let me pass by him (to talk). he's 5'10" and 180's, not much I can do at 5'2" and 120's. that knowledge is scary. do I think he would hurt me? no. but he can physically intimidate me, and that is a bit scary. very scary to try to leave a room and have someone tell you you can't and realize hey, you really can't.
not saying either of you would ever do anything like that at all. but sometimes being small makes a person feel a bit vulnerable at times. I used to look on my H as my protector. not anymore.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
he's never hit me, let me be clear on that. but he has physically stopped me from leaving a room when I wanted to.
and I am NOT saying you or mark would even think of doing anything at all to your wives. just saying sometimes being smaller can make a person feel more vulnerable, even when not given cause necessarily.
and it could just come down to the fact that they know they are doing something wrong, and are using the fact that you are bigger guys to justify their own actions. not that they are accusing either of you of doing anything, but I swear the stuff coming out of my H makes no sense half the time, so maybe they are in the same kind of fog.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Why can't I just keep my mouth shut?? So this morning she finally calls at 0900. She's on her cell, and I ask her if she's home.. she ignores the question.
We talk about D's and plans etc. No big deal. Unfortunately, I've had some finance issues and the first CS check I wrote her bounced. I told her this this morning.. wanted to give her a heads up. This is an area where we have had problems our whole marriage. It's an area I'm working on fixing.
I didn't hear anything from her till later. We were done with a B-day party and went to a pumpkin patch place. She was mad that I was taking them to places like that.
She called later and we got into it a little. She's trying to figure out her finances and I'm trying to help. We finally got on the subject of next week and I told her I had plans.. she asked what and I said I just had plans.. she said "I tell you" and I said whatever.. you didn't say where you ended up last night. We talked for a bit and she said she ended up at OM's. She also said that the friends they went to was in favor of their R which is contradictory to what she's told me in the past. I was very hurt.. there was some banter about "I do care about you" I didn't believe her... some back and forth, but she apologized and wished me a happy sweetest day.. this after she threw my card away!!
Also after she said she's being picked up tonight. I hate this life... it SUCKS!!!
Ok, 2 x 4 time? You really, really need to back up & figure out what your goals are. Do you want your W back? Then you need to quit allowing her to push your buttons.
Read the book again!! Start being a DB Master. You need to get out there, work on you and spend time w/ your D's, etc. She needs to do what she needs to do and you need to act as if you could care less. You need to act as if you are "done" w/ the drama.
I don't think acting like friends and allowing her to constantly talk about the OM is a great idea. Yes, be "friendly," however, if she keeps up talking about her R w/ OM, I would politely say "I don't want to hear about it anymore -- that hurts me."
Are you still in the service? For some reason I thought about you and wondered if you are still active and would be PCS'ing at any time soon.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Went to bed and woke up at 2:30. Thought about things for the next 2 hours. Can't figure out how to get around that one.
Yep. Yep. Yep. Its awful, the middle of the night.
I just caught up with your thread. Must be really hard to sit and listen to wife talk about OM, but if you think back, she woudn't even admit he existed to you until you opened up and hid your defenses. I think in your situation this is a good thing, as long as you can handle it.
I have relaxed and let H talk about OW in the past. He doesn't say too much, but I can only hope it'll keep him from lying even more to me about it.
I think you are doing well, however, try to be her friend AND detach at the same time. You can be interested, yet you be the one to stop the conversations, have somewhere to be. You are doing so well.
So I think part of my problem is I know that this is the "first" weekend where they don't have the kids at the same time. So I have a good idea of where she is.
She did end the conversation apolgizing for yelling at me and wished me a happy sweetest day. I got nothing from her last night. It's 10 AM here and I would've expected a text or a call from her (at least to talk to the D's) but she hasn't. That's another area where I need to rethink things.. I need to quit expecting things from her.
I really do need to rethink my goals... I plan on doing this tonight. I have to admit that I'm horrible at setting goals. I think that's where I need to start.
She's supposed to be using my laptop today.. not sure if she still needs it or not. We'll see.
