Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? There and Back, # 9

Why do you have to be ready with a response ?

Just say whatever you want at the time, why bother with what he may/may not say. It is a special day and treat it as such, do not let his words or actions make or break it.

hi morgan, thinking of you. Got your email. Thanks.

789, I need a prepared response so I dont go off the deep end and essentially hand his balls back to him ripped to shreds.

sounds extreme, but hey, I know me. I have a snarky/sarcastic/bitter/pissy/angry side that can come out when I am feeling vulnerable and yeah, tomorrow when he asks that, I will be.

honestly, if he asks, my response will likely be "as well as can be expected" and leave it at that. normally when he asks how I am, I say "great", or "fine", but tomorrow we would both know that was a total lie. so I will be upbeat when I say it, but I'm not going to make it seem like I'm tickled at where our marriage is on its 10th anniversary.

How about "I am enjoying the kids today" or even just "Good to go.." or something light and breezy? I hope the day goes well for you, I really do.

y don't you just say.

"Good, thanks for asking"
or
"I am well, and you?"
or just
"Good!"

and if he says "are you sure?"
just respond with "yes"

if you respond with anything other than 'closed' answers, he may start to dig a little with questions like "what do you mean?". This allows him to find out where you sit with things without him revealing how he is feeling which is not fair. If you don't want him to know you're hurting, don't give him any openings to see that you are hurting.

At least...this is the advice that I should take!!

I would love for those reading this thread to check out my latest...I stuffed up last night. Now I am the baddie.

This happens to me before I even realize it happened!!!

I really do think that DBing is pretty rare for men. I think a lot of men try to save their marriages. They just do it by pleading and crying and begging instead of using the self helkp aidle or using therapy. Those areas are traditionally for women, right? Isn't that the stereotype?

When I tried to propose that stuff to my H he kind of smirked. He acted like he never even heard of marriage retreats or MLC? Oh really.

Morgan, Let the anniversary roll off of you.

Why is your H still snooping around your private stuff?

Hang in there Morgan. You've been prepping for tomorrow for weeks. Tomorrow will come and go. Just think of it as one of those waves. Ride it to shore and let it retreat. Don't let it suck you back into the depths.

I think it's good to have a plan of how you will respond. Someone else mentioned a back up just in case. Can S5 answer the phone?

thanks all.

well, here we go. 10 years ago today we stood in front of the altar of our church and vowed to love, honor, and cherish each other, forsaking all others, all the days of our lives. at one point in the ceremony our priest was supposed to tell us to join hands, but he laughed and said we hadn't let go of each other since meeting at the altar. and it was true. it was an incredibly personal ceremony, everything about it from the music to the communion bread (which my mom made). we still have people come up to us from time to time to tell us what a wonderful service it was. thankfully I won't be running into any of them today...wow, now that would be awkward.

anyway, so far so good. phase one, down. H called a little while ago while I was downstairs getting clothes for the kids so they answered the phone. I had to pass it to S3 (he refuses to take it from his b or s) and I talked last, as is customary. I was busy when he called, so probably sounded distracted. he asked what I was doing and said getting the kids dressed and pretty much that was that. he didn't say anything, and I was busy so got off the phone quickly. he actually sounded a little put off when I said, "okay, well, bye, talk to you later." guessing he expected me to say something about the day? who knows. I'm not going to try to figure it out. honestly I was a little weirded out because the thought that he woke up in some other woman's bed on our 10th anniversary just is so gross, and well, says it all, really. time to let him go, morgan. time to let him go. no, I'm not going to do anything today. but I think its helping on the detachment front.

I've done my ab tape, taken a shower, am just wearing jeans but am wearing a color shirt that looks good on me, so going to try to feel good about myself a bit.

going to do some reflecting after I drop the kids off for school, then when I get them I am going to spend the day with them, just celebrating the blessings that came out of the marriage. that is one thing that he can't take away from me.

so far so good, folks. going to process my emotions, allow them to come and accept them, but not get caught up in them. I'm going to be that lighthouse. actually, liking the idea of the lighthouse because that is really what I feel like today. I feel like I'm standing there while the waves are battering, but instead of a storm, the sea is nearly calm. I'm just shining my light around, picking out memories here and there. reflecting, but not getting caught up in them, if that makes sense. also looking at my life as it is now, not what it will be tomorrow because who the hell knows what it will be, but now, this moment.

anyway, that's my update.

Thinking of you today, Morgan (((hugs))). Sounds like your perspective is as healthy as can be. Enjoy your blessings today and focus on all the wonderful things are have to be thankful for. I know it's a tough one...my 12 year is coming up in November.