Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Plank removed from my eye, too late for WAW? 7

Heim --

If you are the "backslide king" then I am the "backslide queen" You've been doing this a lot longer than I, but I see so much of my own behavior in yours. Willpower is tough. You're great one day and terrible the next. Then you try to make amends. It is so tough.

I relate to your situation and am sending big hugs your way. Hold on, work through each day as it comes. I am trying the same. Dont' know how well it will work, but we've got to keep trying right?

Thanks for the Aplogy book link OT. I haven't looked into it yet, but it may help me with a significant heartfelt apology I'm working on for H. It may help guide me into what is more effective.

Thanks, OT. Have the book in my shopping cart at Amazon. Need to find two more to qualify for free shipping.

Read most of the 5LL. Agreed, not a big fan of the writing "style."

Torch, I do have my moments. Keep chipping away. Last couple of days have been particularly good. Starting to feel like I'm over the hump. I know in the past after a few days, I'd start to get the urge to "scratch" the R itch. Not there now. Hmmmmmm, detachment? Mebbe. I was once a geek myself. Loved D and D. Thinking about looking for a group to play with via meetup.com or via local gaming store. Always been worried about getting in with a group of dweebs who've never touched a girl.

Maybe we can have crowns or something made. Plus, regarding backsliding, someone's got to provide a bad example for everyone on the boards, right

One thing on apologies that I found effective from Mort Fertel was to think of things from the other's POV. How did your actions make them feel. It's not about your intentions, but about how your actions were perceived and received by your S.

BD

Thank you for the words of wisdom about apologies. I have been emailing myself notes from work to home all day on how to revamp mine. I want it as effective as possible, not to be manipulative, but to try and ensure that he sees what I'm trying to say. Like you say, looking at it from the other persons POV. I don't want it to be just words, even though I know that is how it will be perceived. For that reason I am specifically asking him not to respond. I don't want to hear it and don't think I can handle hearing any response right now. Mostly I just want to let him know that I'm sorry for the stupid things I've done and let him think on it without the pressure of having to say anything. If he does, well that's his prerogative.

My H and his buddies were actually the "cool" ones in our local gaming world. Most of them are married to pretty normal women. So they not only knew what a woman was, they got involved with one. Scary for some.

H
I have lost all sense of what is happening to you. So I apologize. Just know that I am following along as best I can given my rediculous schedule and quite frankly my own selfcentered view on the world at the moment.

Hang in there pal.
C

CVA,
SSDD (same [censored], different day)

Actually, detachment, I think, is beginning to descend upon me.

BD

((HEIM))

Just thought I'd throw some Hs in there. Apparently my internet is up and running at my home. Don't know how though.

Heat Mieser. Thats awesome! Way to go!

Good job on the drinks/quasi-date thing. Takes a lot to make those little baby steps. Sort of like dipping your little toe in the pool just to see what it *might* be like.

I am about to do the same with my pub crawl tomorrow. Although the crowd is a little young and its a group thing...its about as close to "date" as I have come yet. I don't count drinks with pals of the opposite sex. Who knows maybe I will be having a quasi date my self sooner or later. Esp since my H is out there dating away. Not giong to sit home and worry about. Going to go have my own good time

I have to agree that I am really starting to feel like my H is actually an ex since I no longer live with him, he is dating and refuses to work on the M. Its been 5 months of S. I don't feel like it would be cheating or an A at this point for either of us at this point.

Yeah. Never thought I'd feel that way, but here I am. Of course, never thought I'd be heading towards D either. Life is full of surprises. Have a good time with young Mr. JS tomorrow. We could probably pull a pool together with an over/under for how many pubs you actually make it to. Out of idle curiousity, if you meet a woman named Kaitlyn at your pub crawl (old co-worker of mine). About your age, short, a little round, extremely nice, reddish hair, tell her BD from Germantown said hi, if you're so inclined. Met her for drinks in Boston back in April and she mentioned that she had helped organize a pub crawl or two.

Not much to report on the W front. Every night this week when she's picked up the girls, I've been cordial and friendly, but not attepting to make small talk. No, "how was your day" or "you look nice". Just, hello, girls, get ready, hugs and bye.

Wed I asked to talk to her outside for a minute about scheduling (feels weird to do it in front of the girls). Going to friends for UFC Saturday and wanted to ask her if I could pick them up earlier than normal Saturday (saturday to saturday this week so that I can dress as heatmiser next weekend, woo hoo) and hang out earlier. She got really snippy -- I had forgotten about High School Musical/Disney on Ice thing she's taken them to. Said simply, Sorry, forgot about that, what time will you be finished? She immediately apologized for getting defensive. Oooooommmmmm, calm works, eh? Sorted out the scheduling, said adios and they left.

I didn't feel too good yesterday (something i ate didn't like me at all) so was pretty low key. Was playing Monopoly Jr with Casey when she came in with Lauren from girl scouts. We talked for a few minutes, asked me if I was OK enough to watch the girls (lauren must've told her I was feeling bad). Was sitting down, she came over and patted my shoulder before leaving.

Today, more of same. Came in, had the girls ready with their stuff by the door. She actually made a little small talk about folks here forgetting how to drive in the rain. Talked a few minutes, said I'll call her about tomorrow for timing regarding dropping off the girls, bye.

Huge part of me is still in love with the woman, but I feel more and more distant from her daily. She's been wanting space; she's getting all she wants. Feeling pretty OK with it too.

BD

Hey Heim,

Wow, it sounds like you're really backing off. What do you think made the change?

Good for you for staying calm in the face of snippiness. It's not always easy.

Sorry to hear you were feeling bad; hope you're perkier today.

Take care.

Dunno, everything finally sunk in, I guess. I'm stubborn, but at least semi-intelligent. From a practical matter, acting as I was wasn't helping matters. So.

And now for the Sopranos.

Good weekend all.

BD