Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Stubborns Celebration

What I mean by what I said is that from the moment I knew about the A and we knew we were staying together I saw all correspondence and was aware of all meetings that took place. I saw all texts. My H copied me all emails between OW and H and also showed me his replies. I also had a couple of nast conversations with OW and also less nast ones and emails with her H. My H came and saw my psychiatrist with me and talked things through, (I had hurt myself badly which is why we ended up there). It was all very open. Parents were kept informed etc. He showed me all back correspondence - stuff from OW's H and her parents to my H. Everything added up. She left his employ and we sought her separation from the company through legal channels.

It was all transparent, above board and 'felt right'.

Does that help?

Saffie

found spouse "chatting" w/ OW online last night. They were discussion dept stores. She told me about it and said "it's not like we aren't going to talk"...in my mind that's EXACTLY what "it's like"

I know this cannot go on but I also know that if I "demand" anything spouse will go into defensive mode...it has to be her idea.

(((stubborn)))

Your patience is amazing.

thanks for the hugs Jules! amazing to think we can find such good people, we never actually meet but we help each other so much. wow. Rockies in 4?

So here's my journaling for the week: no big happenings. went to Parent Dinner at Ds school. OW did not show her face. Spouse specifically didn't go because she thought OW was going. Screw 'em I had a good time. I have not laid eyes on OW all week but it's bound to happen given the school sitch. I will of course continue to look like the ultra happy, fulfilled person that I am whenever I see her.

I know spouse has emailed with her and I saw one phone call. I am hoping of course that OW gets pissed and cuts contact with spouse as I don't think spouse has the make up to quit cold turkey yet. I do know spouse had a serious talk and told OW it was over. The friendship dream continues. This too will end. My fear is, of course, they have done this reduced contact thing before and it never held up so why should I think it will work now? But spouse has told me she picks me. Now we just need to get reconnected. And to that end:

One thing spouse said was she wished we could do more weekend travel together. So we begin with a trip this weekend. DD has a concert Saturday night so we will leave for an overnight directly from the concert and spend Sunday in the country. Should be fun.

I feel very much in limbo, but a new limbo. I have heard spouse say she wants me. Ok, now what? She has not moved into our bedroom yet. Not much physical affection yet. In general she is much more relaxed around me. She just left me a msg at work to just be "chatty" and tell me some stuff about D and school drop off. We are trying a new restaurant for dinner tonight. She prefers take-out and I prefer eat-in. We are taking out...surprise.

Reconnecting seems so hard and unpredictable. Early after the bomb I did all my reading and studying and felt I knew what to do but just didn't have the opportunity to do the work as spouse didn't want to "reconnect". Now I have the opportunity but find that I have been deeply hurt over a period of time and have protected myself and don't know how to reconnect. Plus I have been reamed for some ridiculous stuff so I am a bit gun-shy.

I guess I can just go with "act as if" and see where that gets us. Opinions anyone?

thanks for the hugs Jules! amazing to think we can find such good people, we never actually meet but we help each other so much. wow. Rockies in 4?

So here's my journaling for the week: no big happenings. went to Parent Dinner at Ds school. OW did not show her face. Spouse specifically didn't go because she thought OW was going. Screw 'em I had a good time. I have not laid eyes on OW all week but it's bound to happen given the school sitch. I will of course continue to look like the ultra happy, fulfilled person that I am whenever I see her.

I know spouse has emailed with her and I saw one phone call. I am hoping of course that OW gets pissed and cuts contact with spouse as I don't think spouse has the make up to quit cold turkey yet. I do know spouse had a serious talk and told OW it was over. The friendship dream continues. This too will end. My fear is, of course, they have done this reduced contact thing before and it never held up so why should I think it will work now? But spouse has told me she picks me. Now we just need to get reconnected. And to that end:

One thing spouse said was she wished we could do more weekend travel together. So we begin with a trip this weekend. DD has a concert Saturday night so we will leave for an overnight directly from the concert and spend Sunday in the country. Should be fun.

I feel very much in limbo, but a new limbo. I have heard spouse say she wants me. Ok, now what? She has not moved into our bedroom yet. Not much physical affection yet. In general she is much more relaxed around me. She just left me a msg at work to just be "chatty" and tell me some stuff about D and school drop off. We are trying a new restaurant for dinner tonight. She prefers take-out and I prefer eat-in. We are taking out...surprise.

Reconnecting seems so hard and unpredictable. Early after the bomb I did all my reading and studying and felt I knew what to do but just didn't have the opportunity to do the work as spouse didn't want to "reconnect". Now I have the opportunity but find that I have been deeply hurt over a period of time and have protected myself and don't know how to reconnect. Plus I have been reamed for some ridiculous stuff so I am a bit gun-shy.

I guess I can just go with "act as if" and see where that gets us. Opinions anyone?

damned internet. I love it when things post twice. Guess it just gives you all two opportunities to live vicariously through stubborn little me!

Patience my ass!!!!

.

It is or I should say can be. The descent into the abyss is normally slow and we only see in hindsight what we should have seen and addressed. So then is the rise back to a healthy balanced R. You are only just beginning this journey.

Now is the time to establish what is important to each other and to ensure you work it into your M. You have to continue and watch that you don't backslide as well. It's easy once the dust settles to fall back into old habits and ways. this is the start of a continual journey.



This is perhaps the hardest thing to cope with. At the same time as wanting to love and be loved you still hurt. It's the time when you can almost 'get your own back' for all the hurt that was done to you. It's the ideal time to say "well now you want me I don't want you" but you know somehow you have to get over that.

Just keep venting on here and read about these things and it will gradually subside. It takes diiferent amounts of time for all of us. It was this stage that brought me to these boards. Well actually a year on from where you are I arrived. That's how long it's taken me to come to terms - from July06 until now. Now I can actually see the benefit's that have arisen from my H's A. When I registered in Jume this year on this site I would still have punched anyone, (OK whipped), whho dare even suggest there would be any benefits. Now I can see about 60% there are benefits. gradually that %age increases.

Hang in there and BE stubborn

saffie

and just when you thought things couldn't get any more absurd...

last week some time spouse mentioned to me that she would like SIL to take D8 to birthday party for OWs 5yr old. (5yr old had invited D during the week that spouse was off contemplating her decision and spending alot of time w/ OW)I told her I wasn't going to give her an answer right then...I didn't want to react but to act (actually I wanted to do both and it involved a shovel and...) Maybe I'm trying to avoid things and be non-confrontational, who knows?

in the interim we go on family trip, have good time, things are pretty quiet on the OW front, minimal contact but there IS some contact via email and phone. (shovel, where is my shovel?) Silly me, in my world the BD party thing has evaporated.

Get email from spouse yesterday saying "I would like to be able to plan on D going to BD party next week"...I calmly reply and ask if she can see from my perspective why I don't think it's the right thing to do and BTW where does it end. Do we then invite those kids to parties at our house? I think not...Spouse answers that Ds parties will be girl parties from now on anyway (OW has boys) and "I want her to go". Gee, I hadn't figured that out. YOU WANT HER TO GO? REALLY? I thought we were just discussing this to chap my ass or something...Ms "Empathy" goes on to say she understands how I feel but that doesn't make it wrong for D to go to party. (So true! the fact that you F'd the mother of the kid makes it wrong! Can't overstate the obvious) Then I get this:

She likes the boys. She has an invitation and she has an expressed a desire to go. I feel that it would be completely harmless. I also feel in light of the way things have changed that I am trying as much as possible to NORMALIZE RELATIONS

NORMALIZE? Some words just slap you don't they? NORMALIZE????WTF does that mean? I have not found it within myself to respond to that word yet.

and BTW my gut reaction is to say: "OK, You want her to go? I'll take her."

I think that trumps sitting beside OW at storytime lwb...whadda ya think?

I think that would be so very awesome. If she wants D to go to the party, YOU TAKE HER!!!! If W wants to go as well, great, but YOU WILL BE THERE.