Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Now I've done it.... again #4?

neph, I am so happy your folks are being so supportive. and wow for dad keeping that safe path home. that's got to be hard. I can only imagine what I would want to do/say as a parent.

mk, as usual, you provide me with a great image, that fast food parking lot one. but it makes me sad, too. because I HATE seeing my H sad. pathetic, I know.

2 great quotes from this thread:

They are eating their integrity with a side of emptiness in a fast food parking lot.

Its like telling a crack addict not to take their first hit--too late now, and they just have to take it one day at a time.

I do see this as addiction, both for H, and for myself. I am addicted/dependent on my R with him, he is on his R with CW. I know that I have to break this dependency, and am working as hard as I can to do that. I have tried everything, been willing to do anything, and work every day. I am the addict who will get well.

H, he hasn't worked on anything. He has rationalized, lied to himself and others, covered up, and let his addiction take over his life. And there is nothing we can do, short of tell them that we love them and are concerned, but it is their life to live, their choices.

Too bad they don't have treatment centers for cheaters. But, their choices are out of our hands. All we can do is our own work on ourselves.

There is a program on A&E (?) called Intervention. It shows the power of being gripped by self-destructive choices. Not all of the participants make it out of the fog.

It's these images which are helping me to start to give up trying to control the uncontrollable.

Wow, thanks everyone! MK, as always, you make me feel like the winner in this sitch. I will say that since I got the house together and have been taking better care of myself, H seems to have followed suit. He looks better each time I see him.

I got the drill out but didn't actually use it yet. I had to pull a shelf of the wall. It's a work in progress

Good for you with the hedge trimmer, Casey. You rock! Next time it will be better.

I will be working on Monday paperwork today, going to the farmer's market, and getting back to that rack. Maybe I'll work on my state taxes. I have a week til my extension expires.

H left a case full of cd's for us the last time he was here. He put my favorite Tango comp in there. Listening to that now Still no word from H. I'm dark again

LOL, I feel like a shrill person, but I laughed when you said how your H is looking better because mine is too, only slightly more human. But I gave an evil chuckle because it was easier to detach when I started to see my H dressed like a teenager emo freak gay prostitute.

Now that he is wearing more normal garb, it makes me sad because I picture that we look more like a normal couple than he would with his OW, who is a way younger street punk.

I still hang on to that comment he made post bomb when he tearfully said he had the most beautiful family in the world and I knew he meant me too. My H acts sometimes like he has been kicked out and is looking back into his ownlife through the windows of our home but he cannot come in because of pride or addiction??

I bet your H feels the same exact way. That he has the most beautiful wife with the most beautiful children and he has sh$# it all away so now he has to turn it around and blame you because of his own pride. Or I could just be projecting my own sitch onto yours??

my h looks really good right now...occasionally he looks a little beat up, just tired/a little puffy, but more often than not he looks good.

have a good day, neph. stay strong! you are doing so well.

hi neph. I hope you hear from H tomorrow. He seems to have retreated a bit, which always hurts, but we can try to be prepared.

Take all your compliments back because I have blown my progress to Hell.

Stupid me looked at the bank account. It always gets me into trouble. Today there was a charge for bangbrosco. I had no idea what this could be. I googled it and it appears to be porn. I cannot tel you how much this sickened me. I know porn is a guy thing, but not my H. I had a huge porn problem with S9's dad and that was one thing that solidified things for me with my H--NO PORN. I still can't believe it.

Well, I flipped. Sorry. I left a v-mail breaking all the rules

"UM, yeah. Next time you order porn, use her card. How dare you. You make me sick"

That was a couple of hours ago, right before going to pick up S9. I know I should have just let it go. I just couldn't. I still feel like throwing up.

I don't know this man anymore. I'm not sure I want to know this new version.

Some Tori is in order

"Strange
Thought I knew you well
Thought I had read the sky
Thought I had read a change in your eyes
so strange
Woke up to a world
that I am not a part
except when I can play it's stranger

After all what were you
really looking for
and I wonder
when will I learn
Blue isn't red
everybody knows this
and I wonder
when will I learn
when will I learn
guess I was in
Deeper than I thought I was
if I have enough love
for the both of us

"just stay"
you said
"we'll build a nest"
so I left my
life
tried on your friends
tried on your opinions
So when the bridges froze
and you did not come home
I put our snowflake under a microscope

After all
what was I
really looking for
and I wonder
when will I learn
Maybe my wish
knew better than I did
and I wonder
when will I learn
when will I learn
guess I was in
deeper than I thought I was
if I have enough love
for the both of us

so strange
now I'm finally in
the Party has begun
it's not like I can't feel you still
but strange
what I will leave behind
you call me one more time
but now I must be leaving" (Strange)

Not very DB, I know, but it's nephartiti right now.

Eewww!!!! I am sorry!!! I hope he has a good explanation (other than porn) for it. I can see why in normal situations it might not be a big deal, but with you guys in trouble and your past issues with porn, I can see how it was a trigger for you. I am so sorry.

Ugh, ironically today is some Christian anti porn day where people are actually fasting and holding prayers circles because porn has become an epidemic problem. It is a multibillion dollar industry making more money than combine NBA and NFL sales put together for entertainment. Unbelievable to my naive eyes because I have never seen a porn. But you need to let it roll off your back and let him deal with that issue privately. Porn is bad if it is addictive but people enjoy it differently.

Embarrassing story: I found a skin mag in my Dad's bed. I snuck it out to show my friends and left it on my night stand and forgot about it. Gross. Months later my Dad was cleaning out my room, I was helping. he found the mag looked at it and threw it in the garbage without even flinching or saying a word to me. I was so embarrassed but it was over and done with and I think he handled it the best way. With no humiliation.

Try that. Try not to punish your H for the past transgressions of your EX. I do that too because my EX boyfreind from 15 years ago was also caught cheating with bar trash by my mom. This devastated me and my H knew that and still put me through heck. I know exactly how you feel. Like history is repeating itself and when will we ever learn, right? We feel like we must be making a pattern of bad choices. Well now we have the power to make the right choices.

Breathe and stop stop stop snooping. Tell him to use a private acct.

Bang Brothers Company . Now I get it. Gross. Dr. Dean Edell was trying to tackle the porn addiction problem on his show and he said men may get addicted because they are too embarrassed to talk openly about sexuality with other men where women are more open about their bodies. He said men are very insecure about their masculinity and performance so pornography is a way they can see other men's performance in privacy. Sounds funny to me as a woman. He also said the rise in pornography is adding to a rise in plastic surgery of the nether regions gross.

ouch. no snooping. remember the 24/48 hour rule (yeah, after my performance in the last 24 hours, i don't have room to talk here, but it would have been better had I waited). I'm so sorry, honey. (((HUGS)))