Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Going to talk with W on Friday (9/28). Help!

..but I'm way hotter than he is! :P

I've already had that image in my mind. um. Reaction depends on whether or not I were to "catch" them if it happened IRL. (A non-violent response, btw, would be to sign B up for all the junk mail free offers I could! hehe). Seriously, planning a rational reaction to something like that's not a terrible idea.

As for the property, yeah, we should only discuss it while we're alone. That was sorta my bad, by asking a few of our friends "Wanna buy a Prius?"


OK. Different Topic:

She's got her own apartment now. She's moving in November 1, and her sister's moving in in December (SIL is going on a month-long trip to Thailand in Nov. That's actually pretty cool for SIL.). W plans on having a "house-warming" party sometime after she moves in.

Now, it's HIGHLY unlikely that I'd be invited (like, the chances of Ralph Nader getting elected president in 2008 unlikely), but I am considering getting her some small house-warming gift to give to her outside of the party/gathering.

I'm torn, here. Because on one hand, she IS taking furniture and stuff, and is leaving me. On the other hand, some small token of "good luck in your new place" as a goodwill gesture might be nice. Like, $20 or cheaper.

Thoughts, folks? This is where the "I'm a nice, generally giving person" might trip me up, because my natural inclination is to be nice (Note: I have NOT been asked to give a gift by anyone. This is wholly my idea.) . . . but would it look weird to give a house-warming gift to the woman who's leaving me?

Ok, I'm between quarters of the Saints game. So, quickly, no. Don't do it.

OK, so watching multiple episodes of Stargate on DVD is an excellent way to get yourself to stay up till 3:45am. Wow.

Two actual fun notes:

1) Because W is taking Nala (cat she's had for 13 years) with her, my room-mate thought it'd be fun to get a kitten to keep our other cat company. Holy crap is she (the kitten!) cute. Just this little fluffball that weighs maybe a pound. Max. She's been named "Kaylee", after the character from Firefly.

2) Because W is taking the TV (purchased by her about a year after we started dating) the room-mate and I are going in on a nice TV together. Sure, we could be more financially repsonsible and get a cheaper set that's equal to or below the quality of the one we've become accustomed to. But instead I'm going to Best Buy tomorrow to pick up this pretty 'lil thing..

We're going with the tube-TV because there aren't any LCD's in our price range that we really liked the picture on. This TV's actually got a really sweet picture.

We're splitting the cost down the middle. It's on sale, so after all's said and done, we'll each be spending about what we'd have considered an individual "upper range" for a TV. When one of us moves out in year or so, we'll talk about who wants to buy who out (we've drawn up an agreement already between us).

We both enjoy movies, videogames, and having friends over for those things, so we figured "what the hell, let's do it" and decided to splurge.

Hey MMan,

Excellent idea about the TV! (And smart to draw up an agreement.) And I think the kitten is a great idea, too. Isn't it amazing how something so small (literally) can affect you so much? Enjoy her.

I'm with Heim on the gift idea. It would be nice, of course, but W probably won't experience it as anything but manipulative, so let that one go. Plenty of time to buy her gifts if you work things out.

Sounds like you're doing well, MMan. Keep it up!
Take care.

Ditto Heim and Puddle

MNMan --

I just had to post. It looks like you are getting lots of support here. Our situations seem similar and gaming is a very active part of our life too (or it was). I was just getting into the participating but I was on the sidelines and helped H with story lines all the time for years. He's a GM/DM (depending on the system). You seem to be doing very well all and all considering. Maybe there was something in the MN water - I'm in MN too. My H walked out on 9/10 and I've only seen him twice since then and neither were under good circumstances. At least your W will have convos with you, mine won't even meet with me or look me in the eye.

I've made lots of mistakes and it seems as if you are doing really well considering. I'm with you 110% as we are both new at this and I have related with everything you've posted. I'm glad you decided not to send the letter. I did send a short request to one of H's good friends just asking him to talk with H about reconsidering talking instead of leaving. Well, he shared that with my H and now he's pi$$ed about the whole thing. Unfortunately one of my best friends is my H's sister and that has made this very difficult. I went out with her a couple of times included a "girls only" camping trip. H got really upset for "pulling his sister into this." I told his sister just this last week that I was going to back off from our friendship. It doesn't mean it's over and I'm hoping things can resume when everything cools off, but if it's one thing that H won't get angry over then I will do it.

My H filed for divorce on 9/21, he walked out 9/10, so I know what you're talking about. Unfortunately sometimes things boil down to the material. I'm the one that's focusing on that primarily because he walked out on me and I don't want him to "have his cake and eat it too." I'm not being unfair and found a good attorney that really won't let me be unfair even if I wanted to. Unfortunately I think when he gets my response he will react negatively because he thinks he should get out of this absolutely scot free. I won't be walked on. Be strong, realize that as far as the state is concerned it is only about the material things, the emotional side is dealt with on a personal level. Protect your material interests and do your best on making your personal changes. Know that you are not alone. I am in the same boat - no children or any other reason to really see each other. It often makes me wonder why I am even trying if he won't see. I keep telling myself, as you should also that it is really for you and if they see it great. Unfortunately when you are still in so much pain it is hard to see that it will get better. Really, I know. I know.

You are not alone. Stay strong and stay patient (the hardest part for me).

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you, either, Torchbearer. It's a tough thing to make it through this, I hear you.

It's hard not to request friends to help when you're in a place like this, but, I've luckily managed. I've talked to my SIL/her sister and she's surprisingly supportive of my moving forward with helping myself. I haven't said much to SIL that could get back to W that's damaging.

I do know that I need to protect my "material" interests, and it seems that W and I are in agreement about several things.

As much as I want to believe, I think I know, rationally, that this is really over. It's hard, and sad. But I'm trying to pick myself up as well from this. But, damn it, there's times where life just feels so empty that it's difficult.

I'm finding happiness in little things, too - a cat curled up next to me when I use the computer, being able to enjoy the super-shiny new TV, spending time with friends. The real thing that's getting me is not having more close companionship with someone. So as dorky as it is, I make sure to give the cat (one that was my wife and I's for 6 years; now he's mine) a hug that he definately doesn't appreciate but makes me feel better.

I hope things work out the best for you, Torchbearer! Best of luck and God bless!

So, separate thoughts:

W called and asked if it'd be OK if she stopped by to get her jackets/coats from the storage room, and some books. I was OK with that. While she was here we also split up our DVD movies (not TV series) to the ones that are mostly "hers".

We talked some about other things we're thinking of how to divide, which stayed civil and mostly polite. I let her know I wasn't ready to do things like TV series or other bigger stuff tonight and she was OK with that.

She apologized for being badgering to me about her having more new expenses than I did. Said she was insensitive. I accepted the apology and thanked her.


And, damn, she looked very pretty. Not out-of-her-way pretty, but "I haven't seen you outside of work or a group of friends in two weeks" pretty.

that's probably why I feel more lonely right now.

heh. At least I've found a couple "meeting people" sites where I can try and meet other "geeky" types. Not really for dating, but just to get out and see people. It'd be nice.

Not dorky at all. That's what keeps us going through the downward ride on the rollercoaster.

Can you share the "meeting people" sites? PM me if you don't want to share on the forum. I need to meet some other geeky types as well (that fits me to a T) and it seems difficult to find "geeky girls" to be friends with. Don't think I want to venture into finding geeky men-I can't get over the one that I have/had. I would appreciate it. Thanks.