Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? The Good, the Bad, and the Funny Part 5

It is true. He was on the mobile speaker phone for his daily call with the kids and he asked so many questions. "Where is Mommy driving? Is there someone else in the car with you? Why are you in San Francisco? Who is Uncle DJ? (My best friend's husband. How could he forget the kid's nickname for Uncle David?) When are you coming back home? Is Mommy eating dinner with you tonight? Who is Mommy going to eat with?" That is funny. I am laughing at how ridiculous he sounded trying to talk on a cell speaker to a six and two year old!!

Meanwhile his car broke down, he will not get a paycheck until next month and the govt. job will most likely place him 80 miles from where the OW lives. He still denies living with OW ( not even a woman, more like a kid to me) so who even knows where he sleeps??? How will he commute? He won't even be able to afford living in that part of California. We are talking one of the most expensive places in America on $15-$21 an hour part time if he makes it past probation. That is not a lot of money for a person his age in Cali. Plus, my mom said she could take that job away from him if he ever threatens or insults me again. Her companion is one of the top heads of that govt. agency. No wonder he got that job the same week she came back from hawaii while he had to watch the bar. He has been waiting for four years for an opening at that agency. I know, I know, none of that is my concern.

BUT his life is going down the toilet. What's next? No car, no job, no OW, no home, no money. He has already thrown away a house, a business, integrity, and an intact family. Nothing's perfect but he sure made sure to sh## everything to Timbuktu. My tone is not bitter, believe me. Sarcastic, yes. Bitter, no.

I know I had as much to do with the failure of our marriage as him. But a lot of his insecurities about the marriage came from his own issues. He could never keep a job or finish school. He was weird about being a stay at home dad. It made him so happy but he felt societal pressure to be a provider not a full time dad. He is kind of small and has been feeling immasculated at work because of being assaulted. Lots of things out of control with my mom as his boss.

BTW, there are so many beautiful men in San Francisco. I live near the country and I do not see men like that around my parts. Hopefully, a handful of them are straight. COOL BLUE OCEAN full of fish in the sea. Oh, I am being bad now.

Hey Mk,

You are totally in the driver's seat here. I know it's easier to repair the old R than start a new one, and I know how bad it su**s to have 2 little kids without a dad around, but from your last post, it seems he really needs to get his head out of his a**. To your H: Time to grow up dude. You have 2 little kids and yeah...stuff isn't perfect, but what the hel* is? I'm really sorry for your sitch! And oh yeah.....the only straight,good looking guys I know are Air Force F16 pilots! They don't even let ugly men WORK on the planes, much less fly them! Keep your head up!

That cracks me up, MK. I can't believe he was asking all those questions to the kids! LOL!

You sound like you are doing great. I'm happy for you!

you do sound like you are doing great. and like neph, I'm cracking up about the 3rd degree to the kids...I can well imagine how that went, having kids of similar ages. lol.

take care of yourself. and lol about the coolblueocean full of other fish.

Tell me about it! I went to the BX and immediatley noticed the pilots. When they walk in to have pizza, it was as if a rock star just sat down! Too funny seeing all my elderly aunties and mom drooling. I guess women have always had a soft spot for men in uniforms especially pilots!!

Journaling:
In my attempt to Go Dark I have arranged a schedule where I do not have to interact with my H. I mentioned that he is now tweaking it so I may be in the same place as him. Why? I do not know but it causes me a lot of anxiety.

Again, he calls almost perturbed that my bro is not home for the drop off at 7PM. H is there at 6:50 and S2 is asleep. So? Why call me to complain? He starts to try to talk to me on the phone. No. Cannot talk right now. Got stuff to do. H gets more perturbed. H starts acting like he is just goingto come to my house immediatley!! I say that is OK, I will be right there at my Bro's!

I lie. Bro shows up on the dot 7PM. I avoid going to the bro's and take D6 to neighbor's. I wait 20 minutes-30 minutes. H is still at my bro's? Bro is hating my H at this point but Acts As If and talks sports, kids, etc. I am POed when I drive up and see H's car still there? Geez. When I walk in, I notice H is actually playing with our neice and nephews like the olden days when he was their favorite Uncle.

I get anxious. Cannot look at him. H still hangs around but I stay next to my Bro the whole time until H finally leaves. H acts like he will put S2 in car seat. Waits for me to walk out with him?? What? heck no. I do not budge from my Bro's side. H finally takes the hint and leaves. Geez.

I check my mobile and notice the number of calls from H=25 ! That means H has called 6-8 x per day and left 16 voicemails. I usually erase them daily but I did not even notice the amount.

I am waiting for the othershoe to drop and I must stay dark. If this pattern continues then he is nicest before really bad news, always.

25 calls!! Holy toledo!! H is totally going out of his way to see you. Wow. This is probably throwing you quite a bit as you have worked so hard to be dark. You are handling it very well, my dear.

wow, mk. wow. now, let me ask you, why are you not listening to his voice mails? any chance its something important? are you in full blown withdrawal at this point?

MK, hopefully it's not just a set up for bad news. That;s how I feel about my H right now. Really, though, do you think that, by acting as if you expect the other shoe, you might be setting yourself up for just that? Just a thought.

WOW on h's 180, btw. I think it's exciting.

It is ironic that I just told Donna I have stopped a lot of my own 180's. One of my early goals was to make eye contact and allow for skin contact. That was when I acted as if. Now he is acting as if and I am dark and apathetic. Ugh. Why are we always out of sync? I really do not trust this dude. Not as far as I can throw him.

I do not know what is going on in his life anymore and for that I am grateful. It is funny how he tries to throw in some details of his life here and there. I am not interested in hearing about it. This is a man who felt his life was so empty that he compromised his own integrity.

For the life of me I cannot talk to him on the phone or even look at him. I literally walked right past him and made a bee line for my S2. It is not even disgust, more like....dissappointment? But a word stronger than that....dissilusionment? As if the person you thought knew you so well was really a fake, so everything feels fake. I have been in fake relationships. I have really faked it with other dudes. This was different. I was completely real with my H. So that makes it way worse. To be rejected when you are completely transparent.